Chapter Thirteen
SELWIN
I stare at Finn’s pink lips before meeting his gaze.
“Hungry?” I ask, dazed. “For what?”
“You know, calories, food, fuel.” Finn chuckles. “You sure you didn’t take a whack to the skull in that car?”
Jesus, snap out of it.
Stop thinking with your dick.
“Of course.” I shake my head. “Sorry, I forgot to drink water before we left and I’m kind of out of it.”
“Then lunch first,” he suggests. “And after, a walk?”
“For sure.”
Since I’ve visited Pike Place before, I lead the way. The market is always bustling with tourists, day or night, but at lunchtime, the lineups for food are long. We wait a while to get a seat at my favorite place, but it’s worth it.
Once we settle side by side at a high-top table with a view of the water, we place our orders: clam chowder, crab cakes, grilled halibut, and two large platters of fries.
The place isn’t overheated, but I’m sweating up a storm, so I roll up my shirtsleeves and reach for my glass of water while we wait.
I keep telling myself it’s only a meal with a teammate, in the centre of a crowded restaurant, in the middle of the day, and yet…
it feels like the start of something else.
Something I can’t even begin to put into words.
“I know I keep saying ‘wow’ at every city we go to, but wow,” Finn comments as he points to the skyline. “I can’t believe this is my life now. Every new place has me wanting to see more.”
“Traveling is a perk of the job, no question.” I smile. “Although, by the end of the season, you’re gonna be happy to park your ass on a couch for a couple of weeks and not go anywhere. And it can be difficult to be away from family and friends for so much of the year.”
“I’m sure.” Finn rubs a hand over his jaw. “Does your mom ever come to watch your games in person?”
I nod.
“She visited Chicago when I played there. She also takes a few trips to Toronto to watch Karson, and once a year she flies to Sweden to see Atticus.”
“Is she planning on coming to New York?”
I take a long sip of water.
“I’ve talked to her about it, but I haven’t mentioned it to head office yet.
It’s on my list of things to do.” I pause, lowering my voice.
“After what happened in Chicago, I told her she was better off staying home at first. I didn’t know how people would react and I didn’t want fans, or the team, to say or do anything to upset her. ”
“That’s understandable. And now?”
“I think it’s time.” I hope it is. “Maybe in the new year. What about you? Your mom and dad coming to watch you play?”
Shit, I just remembered what he told me about his mom and her diagnosis.
“Sorry, Finn, I forgot—”
“It’s okay.” He places a warm hand on my forearm, the touch sparking ripples of electricity over my skin.
“She’s not able to travel yet, and my dad won’t leave her, but when she’s feeling better, when the doctor gives her the all-clear, they’ll come visit for sure.
Meantime, I’ve invited my siblings, but I hope they don’t all come at once.
I don’t think the team could handle that many Barans in one corporate box. ”
I chuckle.
“They all chatterboxes too?” I tease.
“You have no idea.”
“I look forward to meeting them.”
He shakes his head.
“You say that now, but just wait. My brother Will especially. He’s my biggest supporter. You’ll probably hear his cheers above anyone else’s.”
“I can’t wait to meet him. And the rest of your family.”
I glance down, and Finn’s strong, freckled hand is still gripping my forearm. He doesn’t seem to notice that he’s touching me or maybe he’s good with it. Either way, I’m not saying anything. I’m going to revel in his attention any way I can get it.
“I’m missing them. My family and my friends,” Finn admits as he leans into me, his shoulder bumping mine.
“It’s a big change going from college to this. It’ll take time to adjust, but you’re doing great. And you seem tight with your former teammates, like Silas. You should plan a reunion in the summer. You’re gonna need that time to unwind.”
I wish I could go with you.
The idea that I won’t see Finn for months is more than depressing. He suddenly removes his hand from my arm and that only makes things worse…
“Speaking of friends and family, do you mind if I take some pictures while we wait for our food?” he asks as he reaches for his phone.
“Have at it.”
I expect Finn to aim at the stunning view out the window. Instead, he points his phone in my direction and tells me to say cheese.
I shake my head.
“No one wants to see my face.”
“I do,” Finn insists with a grin, his dimples so fucking irresistible. “I want to capture every moment of our first—”
He pauses, a dark flush spreading across his cheekbones.
“Finn?”
“Our first outing in Seattle,” he replies quickly, then he snaps a photo and turns his phone toward the window. “So, are you looking forward to your next date with Taylor?”
“It’s not a date. I told you, I’m not into him.”
Finn lowers his phone and looks at me.
“Not at all?”
“Nope. He’s a nice guy but I have no interest, sexually or romantically.”
“On screen, you seem like a perfect match,” Finn states. “No?”
I shake my head and stare out at the boats in the harbor.
“No. There’s someone else I’ve been thinking about.”
Goddamn it.
Kirkland, what the hell have you done?
Finn’s staring at me with wide eyes. Does he know? Can he tell what’s running through my mind?
I’m desperate to backtrack. “But it doesn’t matter. It won’t go anywhere, it can’t, and that’s for the best.”
“Why can’t it go anywhere?”
I run an agitated hand through my hair and grip the back of my neck.
“It just can’t,” I confess. “For many reasons. Forget I said anything. Besides, hockey comes first in my life.”
“Sel—”
I’m about to completely fuck things up and foolishly admit how I feel about him, when our server returns with our food.
The timing is either the greatest save or the worst interference.
My appetite’s all but vanished, but looking for distraction, I take a mouthful of chowder.
Finn eats silently too. Great, now I’ve made things weird between us.
I’m about to suggest we ask the server to wrap up our food to go, when Finn drops his spoon on the table and nudges my arm.
“If it makes you feel better, I know exactly what you’re going through.”
Wait. What?
Thankfully, despite my shock, I manage to swallow the soup and forego spewing bits of clam and potato all over the table.
“Do you?”
Finn leans in closer.
“For the first time in years I’m into someone I really like. But it scares me. I haven’t felt this way about another person in so long and it’s… it’s complicated. I don’t know if I should tell them how I feel or—”
“Hope that the feeling goes away?” I finish.
Finn nods.
Jealousy slams into me like an opponent on the ice, all the air rushing out of my lungs. I want to ask more questions, but at the same time, I’m afraid to hear his answers. Who is this woman he’s crushing on? Someone in his building? One of the Rush staff?
“I wish I could offer advice,” I reply hoarsely, my emotions rising to the surface. I ruthlessly shove them back down and do what I always do. “Unfortunately, I’m no expert when it comes to relationships. Sex, I’m your man, but anything else—”
Finn coughs and clears his throat.
“I’ll keep that in mind.”
We stick to safer topics of conversation during the rest of lunch and then after, take a long stroll around the venue.
Finn takes a million photos, insists on selfies with yours truly, and buys every tourist item he can lay his hands on.
He also makes several new friends when he enthusiastically drags me over to view the market’s disgustingly popular wall of gum.
Don’t ask.
It doesn’t matter if we’re talking, taking pics, or enjoying the atmosphere, I find myself smiling and laughing the entire time. I don’t know what I’m doing, except soaking in every second of this experience with Finn.
After an hour of walking, it’s back to our hotel.
I’m tempted to ask if he wants to hang out in my room for a while, but I let that idea go.
Both of us need rest before the game and I don’t want to take up any more of his time.
Time he could be spending with other teammates.
Time he could be spending texting whoever it is he’s hung up on.
Anyone but me.
As we enter the lobby, I hear someone calling Finn’s name, then mine. I look around to find Makela, Sorensen, and Berg headed our way.
“Hey, what’ve you guys been up to?” Sorensen asks.
The question is completely innocent, but my internal reaction, not so much.
I’ve been keeping Finn all to myself.
“Sel took me to Pike Place,” Finn replies. “Actually, I dragged him there. He gagged so bad at the wall of gum.”
I snort. “Like you didn’t?”
“Please.” He swats my shoulder playfully. “You ever clean up piles of manure?”
“Thankfully not.” I grimace.
“Well, I have, and trust me, used gum has nothing on that. Only, we should’ve gone there before we ate, not after.”
I nod in agreement. “Next time.”
It takes me a second to remember that we’re not alone. Berg and Makela give each other a look and then stare at us. Sorensen is surprisingly silent too.
“What?” I ask.
“Nothing,” Sorensen adds with a grin. “But what the fuck, man? Why didn’t you text us? We would’ve gone with.”
“It was a last minute thing.” Finn pulls out his phone. “Check out these pics.”
While Finn gives our teammates a visual recap—and hopefully no pics of me—I decide to step away and motion to the elevators.
“I’m gonna head up and rest before the game,” I offer. “See you guys later.”