Chapter Thirteen #3
“I’m still here,” he finally replies. “That’s, um, major. I’m stunned, but also, not. Who is it? Tell me about him.”
“I can’t. I shouldn’t. For so many reasons.”
“You mentioned they’re a friend. An old one or a guy you met in New York?”
“Well, um, both. It’s kinda new. Sort of.”
“I don’t know what that means.” Silas pauses. “Wait, it’s not another player, is it? Someone on the team?”
I make a strangled noise in my throat and slap my free hand over my eyes.
“It’s nothing but infatuation, I swear. I’m sure in a couple of weeks, I’ll be over it. Forget I said anything. Please.”
“Finn, I know you. You wouldn’t be angsting about this if it didn’t mean something. And I’m not one to talk about crossing lines, I married my college coach for fuck’s sake, but this is the NHL. You’ve hit the big league, and you don’t want to mess that up.”
“I know. Trust me, I know,” I sigh.
“Holy shit!” Silas exclaims.
“What? What’s wrong?”
“It’s Sel, isn’t it? You’ve been texting me about him since training. It’s him.”
“Si,” I warn.
“You’ve been starstruck since you met him.”
“I was not.”
“I beg to differ, my friend. I’m right, aren’t I?”
“Yes,” I confess. “But I’m not starstruck anymore. I’ve gotten to know him. Anyway, don’t say anything. Not even to your husband. Especially not to Damien given his friendship with Sel. Jesus, promise me.”
“I won’t, but what about Sel?”
“What about him?”
“Is it mutual? Is he into you or—”
“No way.” I pause, remembering Sel’s comment about being hung up on someone. “Not possible.”
I dismiss the idea even if my heart wants to believe there might be a chance.
Then again, I think about the way Sel looked at me today, and over the weeks we’ve been playing.
There’s a palpable synergy between us, sparking every time we’re together.
Does he feel it like I do? Or, is it all in my head?
Is it all about hockey?
“He’s hung up on someone else,” I admit.
“Who?”
“He wouldn’t say. Anyway, come on, why would he be into me? He’s got it all; he’s smart and gorgeous and confident, and I’m—”
“You’re all those things too, Finn.”
I pause and glance at my reflection. All I see is an ordinary guy with a large nose, too many freckles, big dimples, and a cowlick that’s never tamed.
“I don’t see myself that way.”
“Then take another look in the mirror. More importantly, you’re an amazing person—funny, generous, kind, I can go on. He’d be lucky to be with you.”
“Shut up,” I say teasingly.
“I speak the truth, Finntastic.”
“This isn’t helping me,” I sigh. “What the fuck do I do?”
“Well, you have two choices. Either you risk everything and tell Sel how you feel, or you keep silent until you’re over it.”
“I vote for number two,” I reply quickly. “Good talk. I’m fine now.”
“Finn.”
“Even if I did tell him, and even if he felt the same way, which he doesn’t, I’ve never been with a guy,” I confess, my face heating. “I wouldn’t know how to… what he likes or… you know. Jesus.”
“But there’s no denying that you’re into him?”
“My dick doesn’t lie,” I blurt out.
Silas chuckles.
“Seriously, Si, I haven’t felt like this since… hell, this is more intense than what I had with my ex.”
Imagining me and Sel alone, naked, his rough hands all over me, has my blood racing so hot I’m sweating harder than I do at practice.
“I want him, Si, like, I’m obsessing over it.”
“Shit.”
“Exactly. But I’m not going to do or say anything about it. Like I said, I’m sure this will pass. You were right; it’s a crush on my idol. No biggie. It happens. I’ll get over it.”
I’m so full of crap I need a shovel to dig myself out.
“Whatever you decide, you know I’m always in your corner.”
“I know,” I reply with a grin. “Same goes.”
“I miss you, bud.”
“I miss you too, Si. Are you and Damien coming to New York soon?”
“January or February. Meantime, text me after the game if you need to talk. And bust ass tonight. Show Seattle the door.”
“We will. Thanks.” I glance at the time. “I gotta go.”
Now that I’ve confided in Silas—and even though I don’t have an answer to my problem— some of the pressure I’ve been carrying around eases.
I get dressed and grab my bag, but when I walk over to the door, I glance through the peephole.
Not sure why, but I’m almost expecting Sel to appear on the other side.
Silly, he’s probably already downstairs.
Sure enough, when I hit the lobby and then head outside for the bus, Sel’s standing on the sidewalk, coffee in hand.
Without saying a word, he lifts his head and snatches my gaze.
I glance around to confirm if he’s looking at me or another teammate, but when I turn back to him, I know it’s me.
We stare at each other for so long, longer than friends do, but I can’t turn away.
We’re tied by an invisible tether and neither one of us wants to let go.
My chest tightens, and my pulse jumps. Ah, shit.
I’m gonna pop a boner right here and now if I don’t look away from him…
“Baran!”
I startle at the sound of Coach’s voice, grateful for the interruption but disappointed all the same.
No biggie, my ass.