Chapter Fourteen #2
“Oh, I want.”
That sounds suggestive, even if I don’t mean it that way. Or maybe I do. I don’t know anymore. When was the last time I flirted with someone? I can’t recall. Sel’s eyes darken as he stares at me. Is he staring? Nah, it’s my overactive imagination. It’s gotta be.
With a heated blush staining my cheeks, I mumble, “Good night,” over my shoulder.
“Finn.”
“Yes?”
I stare at my door and wait, my pulse pounding so loudly I’m sure he can hear it.
“Have a good sleep.”
Deflated, I release a shaky breath. What else did I expect?
“Yeah, you too, Sel.”
I swipe my card with a shaky hand but pause before I push open the door.
You want to ask. Go for it.
This time, I brave it and turn around. Sel hasn’t moved from his spot, his hand high on the doorframe, his bicep bulging. He’s looking at the floor, not at me, and I can see he’s working his jaw, clenching it tight.
“Sel?”
My voice is barely a whisper.
“Uh-huh?”
He looks up, his eyes haunted, and I can’t help myself.
“Would you want to—” I pause and lick my lips. “I’m probably going to watch TV for a bit. You feel like hanging out?”
Sel nods.
“Sure. We can watch in mine, that way you won’t disturb your roomie, if and when Kuz returns.”
His tone is casual but his posture’s tense.
“I swear I won’t fall asleep on you,” I blurt out. “Sorry, not on you, in your bed. Your room. Not your bed. The other bed. There’s two, right?”
Fuck my life, I’m out of breath and sweating through this shirt like crazy. Sel’s deep chuckle doesn’t help matters.
“There are two beds,” he confirms. “If you crash out, no worries.”
I gaze at him, resolute in my decision, but Sel doesn’t move an inch.
Not until I take a step toward him. He quickly turns around, swipes his card, and opens the door, letting me enter first. The room is pitch dark, save for the glow that comes from the windows, the glitter of city lights spilling across the space.
When he follows me and steps inside, I get another whiff of his cologne—leather and musk—a seductive combination that’s been teasing me all night.
If I burrow my face into his neck, would he taste as good as he smells?
The door closes with an audible click, and the secret I’ve been holding onto wants to be released. I can’t pretend anymore. Am I about to screw things up between us? Probably. Am I still gonna go for it? Fuck yes.
“I need to tell you something,” I admit, knowing I’m about to blow up my life but doing it anyway. “Something important.”
“Okay.”
Sel reaches for the light switch, but I place my hand over his before he can turn it on.
When our skin makes contact, both of us jerk like we’ve been zapped by an electric current.
Holy shit, I only touched his hand and my body’s already burning up.
My half-hard dick is more than on board with what’s happening.
“Finn?”
I can barely make out the reflection of Sel’s eyes, but it’s enough. Enough to tell me I’m not the only one who’s fucked up. I’m not as experienced when it comes to sex, but I recognize desire when I see it. My bumbling nerves burn to ash and all that’s left is the truth.
“Sel, I think you know what I’m gonna say next.”
He inhales sharply, pulling away, leaning his back against the wall. Shoving a hand in his hair, his nervous tell, he shakes his head.
“No,” he snaps. “Don’t.”
“I’m not alone here, am I?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Don’t do that, Sel. Not with me.”
The snap in my voice leaves no misunderstanding. Sel stares at my face like he’s never seen me before. Instead of walking out the door—the safe option, the smart move—the surge of adrenaline has me inching closer to him.
“What are you—” he starts.
“There’s a reason I wanted to spend more time with you. A reason I’ve tried to push away, but I can’t do it.”
“Finn,” he warns.
“I want to kiss you,” I confess boldly. “And I think you want to kiss me too.”
Sel’s eyes widen.
“No you don’t,” he replies quickly. “You’re confused.”
That’s not a denial on his part. Now it’s my turn to shake my head.
“I thought you respected me.”
“I do, Finn. Fuck, I do.”
“Then trust me to know my own mind and my body,” I insist. “I’ve only ever felt this way once before and I know what’s going on. I know what I want and it’s you. Tell me you don’t feel the same.”
“Jesus Christ. What the… what the hell is going on?” he whispers. “A minute ago, you were nervously rambling, and now… and now—”
“Now you’re the one babbling because I’m acting like a bossy shit?”
He closes his eyes and lets his head fall back.
“Yes.”
“You already know that once I set my sights on something, there’s no stopping me. I’m determined as fuck,” I insist. “Give me the truth, Sel. If it’s just me, I’ll walk out this door and we can forget this conversation ever happened. But if it’s not—”
His eyes snap open as he lunges forward, caging me against the opposite wall.
“Yes! Goddamn it, yes, I want you—”
His passionate admission gives me a rush that’s headier than any hockey high, and my dick fills so fast I’m in danger of passing out.
Then I notice he’s shaking.
“But we can’t go there,” he insists. “We can’t.”
The resigned expression in his gaze makes my heart clench. I reach up and cup his face, relishing the sharp inhale he makes in response. His stubble’s rough under my fingertips, his eyes glimmering in the darkness.
“Sel,” I whisper, my thumb tracing his full lower lip.
I never imagined a man’s mouth could be so tempting.
“What?” he sighs.
“We’re already here.”
Sel
An hour ago, I stood next to Finn in the bar and wished I could be as close to him as possible, even though I knew it was pointless. The solution to my problem is easy: find someone else, fuck Finn out of my system, and everything will be normal again.
Nothing can happen between me and him.
Only, it is happening, and I’m staring at him in disbelief.