Chapter Sixteen
FINN
Meeting Karson Kirkland and his Toronto teammates at dinner was another experience I’ll never forget.
Too bad I was so distracted by Sel. I spent most of the evening surreptitiously watching his handsome face and every expression that crossed it.
There was the occasional smile and burst of laughter, especially when Karson teased his brother, but when Sel’s eyes finally locked with mine, I could see the tension too…
And who’s fault is that?
With dinner done and my nerves rattling, I get up and offer my goodbyes, along with Makela, Kuz, and Sorensen.
Not surprisingly, Sel stays behind chatting with Karson.
I worry that Sel and I aren’t going to have our talk, and I don’t want to wait too long.
If we don’t have it out, things will be awkward, and that kind of tension is the last thing we need before a game.
When we walk through the hotel lobby, Makela suggests a quick stop at the bar, but Berg vetoes that.
We need an early night since we have a long day tomorrow.
With the Kirkland brothers facing off on opposing teams, it should make for an interesting hockey game.
Kuz and I head up to our room, where he promptly curls up on his bed, closes his eyes, and begins to snore like a foghorn.
Me? An hour later, sleep isn’t happening.
Not until I have it out with Sel. I take a chance and text him.
Finn: Are you back in your room? We need to talk.
Part of me expects him to say “no” or not reply at all, so I’m shocked when he responds right away.
Sel: Room 706. Come up in five.
Sel got a penthouse, nice, but five minutes feels like an eternity.
While Kuz is snoring away, I quietly change into an old pair of jeans and a T-shirt and slip out of the room and into the hallway.
The hotel’s quiet at this time of night and there’s no one near the elevator.
I have a story in place in case any of my teammates spot me, but still, by the time I get to room 706, my heart knocks louder than my hand rapping on the door.
Sel appears, hair messy, wearing Rush sweatpants and nothing else. I take it all in, from his bare feet—sexy as fuck—to his broad hairy chest, to those deep dark eyes that have me in a chokehold. I lose my ability to speak but thank fuck my feet know how to move.
Once I’m inside, he closes the door and flips the lock. Before he can turn away, I reach for his bicep and pull him in close. Today was torture, being so close and unable to touch him.
“Wait, Finn, we need to—”
“Quiet,” I tease and seal my lips over his.
Christ, I need his taste so bad. And yes, our first kiss was no fluke.
Suddenly, everything’s right again. Sel grabs my waist in his massive hands and pulls me in tight, a move that drives me crazy.
I moan as our tongues tangle, hot and desperate.
He’s right there with me, groaning, writhing, kissing me until I run out of breath.
Panting hard, I push him against the wall and wrap my arms around his neck.
“Now we can talk,” I whisper.
Sel grins. “I don’t know if I can make conversation after that kiss.”
“Try.”
His grin suddenly disappears as quick as it came.
“Berg wanted to see me this morning. One of our teammates suggested that you and I are more than friends. Captain wants us to keep our distance for a bit.”
“Fuck that,” I blurt out. “And fuck Brady. It was him, of course it was him.”
“Finn—”
“We can be professional when we’re at work. But in private, what we do is our business.”
Sel swallows hard. He cups my face, and shivers courses through my body.
“Jesus, I’m in over my head,” Sel admits, his eyes never leaving mine. “I don’t know what to do about you.”
“I have a few ideas,” I quip.
“I’m serious.”
“So am I.”
“Not tonight. We don’t have time,” Sel sighs. “And not after the game tomorrow either.”
“Are you hanging out with Karson?”
He nods. “You can join us.”
“Won’t that fuel the rumor?” I snark.
“Not if there’s a group of us.”
“And after?”
Sel bites his lower lip.
“Let’s wait until we get back to New York.”
I growl, so freaking frustrated.
“That’s two days from now, Sel.”
He leans in and kisses me soundly, silencing my protest. It’s sneaky, but oh so effective.
“Patience,” he whispers. “You want to take things slow, remember?”
“Did I say that? When?”
Sel chuckles and squeezes me.
“Stop being irresistible. You’re making this harder.”
I punch my hips forward, rubbing against him.
“I don’t think that’s possible.”
Sel leans his forehead against mine.
“I should call this off,” he admits with a flush on his face. “Keep my distance. Do the right thing and protect you.”
My body tenses, but Sel doesn’t let go.
“We’re risking a lot,” he continues. “If anyone finds out… You have to know that, Finn.”
“I do. But it doesn’t change how I feel.”
“You say that now—”
Sel pulls me in tight again, notching my head into his neck. I hug him back just as hard, protective and possessive all at once, breathing in his scent. Both of us pant, shaking with need, heady with anticipation. My blood pounds hot, my cock growing so hard it’s painful.
“Sel, you feel so damn good.”
I kick things up a notch by placing a teasing kiss below his ear, licking and sucking his skin, savoring the salty, musky taste that hits my tongue and makes me high. Sel moans my name and nothing’s sounded better.
“You… we… need to… stop,” he warns.
“You’re the one who won’t let go.”
“Finn.”
I ease back and Sel looks like he wants to devour me. I’m more than ready for it, and ready to return the favor.
“You have no idea what you’re about to unleash,” Sel confesses. “Want you so bad, and I’m intense when it comes to sex.”
“I can’t wait.”
Sel squeezes me one last time and cups my face in his rough hands, staring into my eyes with a look that I can’t define. There’s heat and longing and… something else. Something like fear?
“But maybe it’s best that we do. That we wait.”
“Because we’ve got a game to win tomorrow. But as soon as we get back to New York—” I offer.
His pained expression makes me pause.
“What is it?” I ask.
“I hate to say this but… waiting a few days will be good, yeah? You might change your mind.” Sel shakes his head before I can utter a protest. “I mean it, Finn. There’s a lot to consider. If you’ve never been with a guy before—”
My defensive instinct rears up. “I know what I want.”
“You’ve discovered something new about your sexuality, which is amazing, but this is all kinds of complicated. We work together, and hockey players are under a lot of pressure and public scrutiny. If people find out—”
“What the fuck, Sel? It seems like you’re the one who’s questioning, not me.”
“I’m trying to think of what’s best for you.” He pauses. “And there’s something else to consider. I just came out of the closet, and honestly, I didn’t foresee going back in.”
That’s exactly what we’d be doing. Or what Sel would be doing with me.
Not like what it would be with some other guy who’s already out.
Someone who isn’t his teammate. Someone like that football player he’s been set up with.
It hits me like a bucket of icy Gatorade; this isn’t about me and my wants.
I need to think of Sel first. I’m shivering thanks to reality biting me on the ass.
Luckily, I manage to speak past the lump in my throat. “Maybe you’re right.”
Did I really believe this could happen between us? That he’d want to risk his job to have sex with me?
“I better go,” I whisper.
Sel steps back as I pull away, and I don’t like the separation. Forcing my feet to move, I slowly head for the door.
“Finn.”
Without turning around, I pause. I can’t face him, or I’ll embarrass myself.
“Yeah?”
“We’ll talk when we get back home.”
“Is there any point? You told me the truth; it’s complicated. For both of us,” I snap, frustration and desire messing up my head. “See you on the ice tomorrow.”
I leave without looking back, my eyes burning.
Stupid. It’s no big deal. A kiss, two. Done, over. Don’t act like a damn idiot.
It’s been years since I felt excited about someone, but now… I have no choice but to get over him. While continuing to work with him, and traveling, plus I’ll see him around the building…
See, it’s complicated already?
It’s going to be fucking torture to be near Sel and act like nothing’s happened. I’ll need to brush up on my acting skills, if I have any to begin with.
I was prepared for a lot of surprises in my rookie year, but nothing prepared me for this.
Sel
I watch Finn leave, and despite the fact I want to call him back, I know it’s for the best. For him.
Rationally, I’m doing the right thing by letting him go, even if every other instinct is screaming at me to hold on.
He’s young, with his whole career ahead of him.
He doesn’t need this. He doesn’t need me.
Or the repercussions if someone found out that we fooled around.
Wired, I head into the living area to watch TV as a distraction. Next thing I know, it’s morning and I’m waking up on the couch, the sunlight hitting my eyes, half my face squished into a throw pillow. I reach for my phone. It’s already noon.
And no messages from Finn.
Not that I expect any.
After showering and scarfing down a protein bar, I head to the hotel gym for a light workout. When I’m done, I shower, order room service, and watch replays of past Toronto games on my phone.
Next thing I know it’s showtime. I change into my custom charcoal herringbone suit and head downstairs to meet the rest of the team in the lobby. Finn’s already there, chatting with Kuz and Makela, smiling and joking like nothing’s out of order. He doesn’t look at me and my stomach dips.
Get over yourself. This is good. Smart.
We can resist this attraction and focus on our job.
Instead of standing around wishing things were different, I make my way through the crowd and head outside to get on the bus. A few minutes alone is all I need.
I don’t even get that.
Berg follows and takes the seat next to me.
“Everything okay?” he asks.
“Business as usual, Captain.”