Chapter Twenty-Nine #2
“Why not? No one can see, and Will knows.”
“And it’s so obvious now that I’ve watched you together,” Will admits, his blue eyes intent. “The way Finn looks at you, shit, hearts practically pop out of his eyes like a cartoon. Not to mention the hug in the hospital room was a dead giveaway. You guys can’t lie for shit.”
“You really enjoy saying that, don’t you?” Finn offers a finger to his brother this time. “Can we get food already and change topics? Please.”
Will shakes his head and points at me.
“On a serious note, and as Finn’s older brother, it’s my duty to ask the tough questions. Like how this relationship, if he comes out, will affect his career, his future. I followed the media chatter since your announcement in Chicago. What are you going to do to support Finn when he faces this?”
“Will, I’m going to be twenty-three this year,” Finn snaps. “I know what I’m doing.”
“Was I talking to you?”
I remove my hand from Finn’s thigh.
“It’s alright.” I nod. “I get where you’re coming from, Will, because I’m the eldest brother too. And yes, everything you said is relevant. Any openly queer person deals with that, at work, in public, everywhere. If Finn decides—”
“When, not if,” Finn interrupts.
“When he chooses,” I continue. “There’s no question Finn will be scrutinized. There’ll be more pressure, and there will be haters, in person and online.”
“You know I used to play football, right?” Will remarks and I nod. “Different sport, same stupid machismo, so I get why guys still hesitate to come out. Finn’s safety is what worries me.”
“We’re both aware of the risks. When it comes to hockey, the Rush have been supportive overall.
I feel safe there, and I hope the same will hold.
Yes, there are people like Donaldson and Brady who have a problem with queer players, but that’s also true outside hockey.
There are assholes everywhere. Most of the younger guys coming up don’t have an issue, though.
You know from Finn’s friends and your work with colleges that some athletes are coming out before they hit the pros.
It’s not a lot, but it’s starting to happen. ”
Will nods.
“All this to say, I’m done letting these jerks dictate my future.” I stare at Finn and the words keep tumbling out. “Our future. I’m in this relationship for the long-term. I will stand by Finn’s side and protect him with everything I have. I swear on my life.”
Shit, was that too much?
My face heats, Finn blushes, and Will grins.
Finn turns to his brother. “Now do you get it?”
“I’m starting to.”
“What about swearing on your NHL stats?” Finn asks me.
“That goes without question.”
“You guys are weird,” Will snickers.
“Weirdly amazing,” Finn chirps. “Will, you know me. When I make up my mind, there’s no going back. I told you everything that’s happened, and this is what I want.”
“Everything?” I squeak.
“Not that.” Finn nudges me and grins at his brother.
“I know my life will change forever, it already has, but I’m ready to take that risk.
Just like when I was a kid, I was determined to play hockey no matter what, and look at me now?
There are a lot of unknowns, but this is what I need to do.
I know how I feel. This is right for me. ”
“And the Taylor relationship?” Will asks. “That’s just media bullshit, right?”
“From the beginning,” I insist. “And it’s over.”
“Does the press know that?”
“They will come January.”
Will offers me a tentative nod of acceptance and then flags down our server.
“Good. Let’s eat.”
We order ribeye steaks, medium, along with every side dish on the menu. For the first time in weeks, I decompress. The discussion with Will went better than I imagined. Then I remember Finn’s parents. Is he planning on telling them soon? And the rest of his siblings? How will they react?
So much for relaxation…
I shove my questions aside as we settle into casual conversation.
The Baran brothers offer stories about growing up on the farm, Finn’s hockey obsession, and Will’s business.
As we talk, the restaurant gets busier, louder, and before I know it, our food’s ready.
Will’s right, the steaks here are some of the best I’ve ever had.
I order a meal to go for Peter, and once we’ve devoured ours, I settle the bill and it’s time to head back.
The temperature’s dropped again. The walk back doesn’t take long, but it’s so frigid I can’t feel my extremities. Not until we get inside the hospital. We gown up and step inside to find Mallory asleep and Peter scrolling on his phone.
“We brought you dinner,” Finn states and hands over the box of takeout to his dad.
“You didn’t have to.”
“We did,” Finn snarks. “Eat up.”
Peter rolls his eyes. “You might be a big-time NHL player now, Finlay Hubert Baran, but here at home, your mom and I are still the ones in charge.”
Hubert? I can’t see most of Finn’s face, but I notice that his ears are pink. Without thinking, I start to reach for his hand.
Oh, fuck.
I catch myself in time, but Peter doesn’t miss it. He stares at me with wide eyes.
I clear my throat.
“Well, I better get going. My flight’s early tomorrow and I’m sure you need your sleep,” I announce, as I pivot and offer my hand to Peter. “It was a pleasure to meet you, and maybe someday, the rest of the family. I hope things continue to improve for Mallory.”
“Thank you, Sel. Your being here has meant a lot to Finn.”
That reply doesn’t come from Peter, but from Mallory herself. I turn around and find her studying me. I walk over and take her hand, surprised by the firmness of her grip.
“Finn is a strong man,” Mallory whispers. “But he’s got the softest heart. You take care of him.”
“He is, he does, and I will.”
I doubt if we’re thinking the same thing when it comes to taking care, until I spot the glint in her eyes. She knows. She just met me and she knows. I don’t bother to worry about it.
Suddenly, Finn’s standing next to me.
“I’ll walk you out.”
I raise my hand to offer a final wave. “Merry Christmas!”
“Merry Christmas, Sel!” Peter calls out.
Will waves in return. “Merry Christmas to you and your family. Safe travels.”
Once we step out into the hallway, Finn grabs my bicep.
“You said you’re staying at the Bancroft, right?” Finn asks.
I nod.
“What room are you in?” he whispers.
Finn steps closer and my heart pounds wildly.
“Eight twenty-six.”
“Can I stop by in a couple of hours and spend the night? I know it’ll be late, and you have an early morning, but I want a few hours with you. Alone.”
“Yes.”
“If it makes it easier, I can tell them I’m staying at Will’s. He’ll cover for me.”