Chapter 4
CHAPTER FOUR
TYLER
There haven’t been many times I’ve been rendered speechless, to the point where all other thoughts cease to exist in my brain.
In fact, everything ceases to exist in my brain right now except those six little words Colby just dropped on me, startling me like one of those pop-up greeting cards with a confetti explosion.
I’m unable to do anything except stare at Colby. It’s like I’ve forgotten how to breathe. All I can do is blink at him as I try to figure out whether he’s playing some kind of trick on me.
He’s never given any indication of his sexual orientation before.
Not a single clue. But I know not everyone is out like I am.
This sport isn’t exactly the most welcoming.
I’m fortunate that I haven’t experienced much shit since I came out as bisexual in high school, and on my very first day here at Whilton U, I walked into Coach Vaughn’s office and told him I was bi, and I was going to tell my teammates the first opportunity I got.
I didn’t think twice about what would happen if he tried to talk me out of it.
I’m thankful he didn’t, and none of my teammates over the years have had a problem with me either.
But while there’s never been an issue for me, I can understand why Colby would keep it close to his chest, especially given the attention and pressure he’s constantly under.
Not everyone is as lucky as I’ve been, and it sucks that it’s the society we live in.
“I don’t know,” I say honestly after what feels like forever.
His entire body slumps like a deflated balloon, and I’m instantly hit with a wave of guilt. The need to make things right, even though I don’t know how, or what, or why.
“I don’t mean it, like, personally. I find you hotter than hell, Colbs, but it has potential to get messy, you know? We’re teammates. What if someone saw us?”
He shakes his head, averting his gaze to look anywhere except at me.
And I hate it.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked. It was a stupid idea,” he mutters.
He goes to step around me, but I grab onto his arm to stop him.
“Hey, look at me.”
He doesn’t.
“Colby, please,” I plead, a hint of desperation in my voice.
When he lifts his head, the glint in those hazel eyes is like a sucker punch to the jugular, and I feel like a grade-A asshole for putting that look of rejection there.
“It’s not a stupid idea. I just—” My strained laugh comes out in a hiccup. “Fuck, Colby, you’ve just come out to me and asked me to take your virginity in the space of, like, a minute. It might not seem like it, but that’s a big deal, so I’m a little surprised.”
A wave of awkward silence cloaks over us again, and I can practically hear the gears grinding overtime in Colby’s brain. The flush of embarrassment on his cheeks has lessened slightly, but his nerves are still evident by how he’s chewing the inside of his cheek.
I hate that I’ve potentially made this worse. I wasn’t kidding when I said I’d do anything for Colby, but taking his virginity?
Why me?
Before my mind can spiral into a pit of self-doubt, my attention returns to Colby. His tongue sweeps across his bottom lip, and I’m unable to tear my eyes away.
Does he know what he does to me? Is that why he’s asking me to do this massive fucking honor?
“Can I have some time to think about it?” I find myself asking.
He appraises me with those gorgeous eyes, his expression giving nothing away.
As I’m about to open my mouth to beg him to say something, he nods slowly and says, “Yeah, okay.”
Reaching back to rub the back of my neck, I contemplate where to start with the million and one questions running through my mind.
“Does anyone know?”
“That I’m a virgin or that I’m asking you?”
“Both?”
He shrugs, fixing his gaze on something over my shoulder. “Only Stassie. It was, uh… kind of her idea.”
I cough out a breath. Okay, so I guess that’s who the pink-haired girl is. Did they have this conversation after they left me standing on the sidewalk, watching them walk away like a loser?
“Was it now?” I ask in amusement.
“Yeah.” He ducks his chin, a shy smile playing on his lips. “I, um… I better get ready for practice.”
Colby goes to step around me, but the word “Wait” comes out without me thinking. I glance down to where my hand is still wrapped around his forearm and reluctantly let him go.
“Why me?” I ask, giving voice to the earlier seed of doubt brewing in my head.
He takes a slow breath, and nothing could prepare me for his response when he replies, “I feel safe with you.”
My heart stops for the briefest moment, and a weight of relief floods my stomach.
It had been playing on my mind all night after what he said. Knowing how alone he’s been feeling for who knows how long, hearing him say he feels safe with me… It means everything.
So can I really let someone else take what is a vulnerable moment from him, knowing what I do? Could I be the safe person he needs to learn and explore sex with, knowing I would take every moment with him to the grave?
But we’re teammates.
Fuck, I know. I know it’s not as easy as just saying yes to a friends-with-bennies situation when there’s so much on the line.
Mainly for Colby, because my future is inconsequential compared to his. But it’s still not something we can just jump into without thinking things through.
When he speaks again, I realize I haven’t said anything for several minutes.
“I’m sorry if I’ve made things awkward between us,” he says solemnly.
“You haven’t,” I tell him quickly, not wanting him to worry. “Just give me a couple of days to think about it. But I promise you, Colbs, I’ll protect your trust with my life. Regardless of what my decision is.”
Colby rewards me with a small, grateful smile, and then I watch his retreating back as he slips out of the gym to get ready for practice.
And I remain rooted in place with what feels like the biggest decision of my life.
Colby avoids making eye contact with me throughout practice and the video session afterward. Then, instead of eating in the players’ lounge with everyone else, he took his premade meal back with him as he left, citing a headache was forming and he didn’t want it to make it worse.
I can’t deny that the avoidance stings.
Is he separating himself because I didn’t give him an answer?
He’s always been a little flighty when it came to the more social side of things, but I understood. Being around this many people day in, day out, can be a lot. Also, he has it worse than all of us, and knowing what I do now about him struggling to fit in with people, it all makes sense.
But now I’m wondering if his confession earlier—and his special request—has made him feel like shit. More than it did before.
The house is empty when I walk through the front door.
Kicking off my shoes, I head into the kitchen to grab a drink and a snack from the freshly restocked fridge, then make my way up the stairs to my room.
The moment the door shuts behind me, I fire off a text to my childhood best friend, Piper, asking if she’s free for a call.
I need to speak to someone who is much more intelligent than me to figure out what I should do while keeping Colby’s identity a secret.
Seconds later, her face flashes up on my phone with an incoming video call, and I swipe across the screen to answer.
“What’s up, Ty? To what do I owe the honor of your presence on this fine Monday afternoon?”
I roll my eyes. “Do I need to have a reason to call a friend?”
“Well, no, but given the fact that it’s coming up to the end of both of our seasons and graduation is looming in the near distance, we don’t have time to jerk off, let alone have the time to call each other for the sake of talking about the weather.”
I wrinkle my nose. “Trust you to make this conversation R-rated. Plus, I can’t jerk off because it’s so cold, my balls are practically up by my armpits. So, there’s those two topics ticked off the list.”
She tips her head back and laughs. “Dude, same. Though without the balls part. My nipples could cut glass though.” She disappears from the screen, and I get a glimpse of the ceiling and her window before she reappears, having propped her phone on her desk.
“Talk to me, Ty-Ty. What’s got you looking all constipated?”
Falling back onto my bed, I fling an arm across my face and let out a loud groan at the nickname she’s called me since we were in kindergarten.
We’ve grown up together and spent every summer at hockey summer camp. She’s like the sister I never had, and when she got a place at the University of Wisconsin and I ended up in Massachusetts, it was the first time I felt like I was doing things truly alone.
It was terrifying, but we’ve always been there at the end of the phone when we’ve needed each other.
“Okay, so I have a hypothetical question.”
“Ohhh, I love these. Okay, hit me.” She wiggles her fingers in a “give it to me” motion, then grabs her bottle of water and leans back in her chair.
“What would you do if you had a friend who asked you to take their virginity?”
Her eyes widen, and then water spurts from her mouth. A bark of laughter escapes me, and I press my lips together to stop myself as she starts coughing, her face turning a deep shade of red. She wipes her mouth and chin with the sleeve of her sweatshirt.
“Where did you hear about that?” she asks between gasps for breath.
I arch a brow. “Excuse me?”
“Where did you hear that from? I haven’t told a soul about that.”
I cough as I choke on my laughter. “I have no idea what you’re on about? This is purely a hypothetical question.”
She stands from her chair and disappears from view, returning moments later with a towel. She mops up the spilled water on the floor before tossing the towel in her laundry basket.
“Last year, there was a girl on my team. I’m not gonna tell you her name, but she was a baby bi. Had no experience with girls, and she asked if I’d help her out.”
My mouth morphs into a broad grin.
“Does Dani know about this?” I ask, referring to her girlfriend she met in sophomore year.