Chapter 14
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
TYLER
Colby’s gone unusually quiet. Not that he’s a loud guy by any means, but I can sense he’s all up in his head, rather than enjoying himself like I’d hoped.
Today has gone better than I expected it to. Being around him is easy. He has such a calming presence to him when he isn’t being pressured, and I’ve had a lot of fun so far.
Even if the evidence of what’s going on between us was like a jump scare in those photos.
We look like we’re in love, and while it scares me half to death, there’s also this sense of relief that I’m not alone in this feeling.
I know we need to talk about it. Make it clear that exploring something more isn’t an option.
The sad look in Colby’s eyes told me he already knows, but I don’t want to go presuming he’s aware.
But not tonight. Tonight is for us to just… be. To be together for a single night, pretending the rest of the world doesn’t exist.
The hard conversation can wait.
Shifting closer until my shoulder is pressed up against his, I keep our pinky fingers linked together and angle my head to speak quietly into his ear. “What are you thinking so hard about?”
He huffs out a breath, almost embarrassed he’s been caught. “I was just thinking how it’s kinda weird to think I may be playing here next season.”
His words take me by surprise, because I wasn’t expecting Colby to be thinking about that. Sure, we have conversations about living up to expectations, both him with the press and me with my dad, but in terms of the teams he could potentially play for, those topics never get brought up.
“A good weird or a bad weird?” I ask slowly, unsure where he’s going with this.
“A good weird. I mean, I’ve been watching the Gargoyles since I was a kid, and I’ve always dreamed about playing for them one day.
They’re like my home team in a way. It’s just wild to think that it could be a possibility.
” His lips quirk in a small smile. “I know they might not win the first pick in the draft lottery and that if they do, they might not end up picking me, but knowing their chances are quite high is kinda exciting.”
“Even if it isn’t the Gargoyles, any team is going to be lucky to have you on their roster.”
He shakes his head, a bashful smile on his face before he turns his gaze toward the ice.
The camera pans to Beau Rousseau sitting on the bench, chewing on his mouth guard.
He nods along to something his teammate is telling him behind his glove and doesn’t blink as he keeps his focus on the game at play.
When Colby speaks again, there’s a hint of uncertainty that has my stomach twisting. “But even with all of the excitement I feel, I’m worried I won’t be able to handle it.”
“Handle what? The schedule?”
“The expectation and the pressure. Like, look at Rousseau, for example,” he clarifies and motions toward the ice with a wave of his hand.
“He’s one of the greatest players of his generation, yet he is blamed for everything.
People seem to forget there’s more than one player on the ice during the game, but when they lose, it’s because Rousseau was off his game, or he didn’t play hard enough, even though I’ve read he’s the first person to arrive and the last person to leave, and he spends hours reviewing tape and working on his fitness.
None of that is said about the others, but when they don’t advance to the playoffs, it’s Rousseau’s fault. ”
He looks over at me, and for the first time, I see the insecurity and fear in the depths of his hazel eyes.
“What if people expect me to break records in my rookie year? Or what if I don’t live up to their expectations, and everything becomes my fault?
” His voice cracks slightly, and he quickly averts his gaze to look back toward the ice.
“I don’t know if I can handle all of that, and I hate that it makes me sound ungrateful. ”
I quickly glance over my shoulder to check nobody is paying us any attention, then slip my arm around Colby’s shoulders and squeeze him closer to me. My mouth is right by his ear, and I hold him there so I know he will hear every word I have to say.
“First of all, these nerves are valid. It’s a sign that you care, and secondly, you are far from ungrateful.
You didn’t ask for people to put all this pressure on you since you were a kid.
All you’ve wanted to do is play hockey, and it’s everyone else who has taken it a step too far.
And thirdly, if people do put unrealistic expectations on you, then that’s on them.
All you can do is put your all into everything, and if that isn’t enough for them, then they can go fuck themselves. ”
He lets out a quiet snort of laughter. “I’m sure my future head coach will really appreciate me saying that during a press release.”
I shrug, giving him an unfazed smirk. “Hey, play stupid games, win stupid responses. It works for me.”
He laughs again and relaxes into me, and the pressure of him leaning against me has warmth filling my chest.
“I mean it, Colbs, you’re the most incredible player I’ve ever seen. Whoever gets the first pick would be bananas not to select you.”
I shift my arm from his shoulders until it’s resting on the back of his seat. I’m still close enough to be touching him, but it will look more friendly to a stranger.
“But also, ignoring all the bullshit I know is out there, I think some of the pressure people place on you stems from excitement at the prospect of having you added to their team’s roster.
I don’t mean to say this to excuse what they’re doing or to add more weight to your overloaded shoulders, but I see you as a gift.
Like the kind of gift that could change lives, and there’s an honor with that.
Think of the players you looked up to as a kid.
Those who you stuck on your wall or pretended to be while wearing their jersey in the backyard.
You’ll be that player for so many kids out there.
So maybe when shit is getting tough, and grown adults who can’t learn to shut their mouths start to get to you, think about the kids out there who are so fucking stoked to be wearing a McKay jersey while taking shots on net in front of the garage door. ”
My eyes fall to his throat, watching his Adam’s apple bob as he swallows hard before snapping to his mouth as his tongue darts out to wet his lips.
I want to lean in and steal a kiss from that mouth I crave every second of the day, but it will have to wait until we’re back in the safety of our hotel room.
Because while I’m sure there are a lot of people who haven’t recognized him here, I would never risk Colby’s privacy to satisfy my own need.
“Thank you,” he says, smiling softly.
“For what?” I bring my arm back around and grab a handful of the popcorn resting in his lap and say, “Being honest?” before stuffing my mouth.
“Being understanding. It’s hard to, like, talk about it sometimes. My parents understand because they’ve seen it firsthand, and they tried to shield me from a lot of what was being said online, but there’s only so much they could do when I decided to come to Whilton U.”
“Do you ever regret your decision?”
He shakes his head. “No. Although it has been more difficult than I anticipated in the social aspect, I wouldn’t change it.
” His eyes dip from my eyes to my mouth before flicking back up again.
His cheeks turn a soft pink, and I swear my heart stops beating when he adds, “How could I regret meeting you?”
I bite down on the inside of my cheek, my grin impossible to stop.
“I’ve got a confession to make,” I blurt out, grabbing another handful of popcorn.
“Yeah? What’s that?”
“I was so close to hitting on you the first time we met.”
His eyes widen in glee. “Really?”
“Yeah,” I laugh and glance down at the ice, where the Steelheads battle for the puck in the offensive zone as I throw some popcorn into my mouth. “I found out you were my teammate before I could put my foot in it, otherwise, it could have been awkward as hell.”
Colby moves closer and lowers his voice. “So you’re saying we could have been having sex this entire time?”
Before I can respond, he pinches the soft skin on my side, and I yelp in my seat. Popcorn spills onto the floor, and I curse at my lost loot.
“Hey, knock that off.” I throw the remainder of the popcorn in my hand into my mouth and rub over the sore spot as he laughs.
The game ends with a win for Vancouver, and we blend into the crowd as we leave the arena. The walk back to the hotel doesn’t take long, and when we step into the empty elevator, we stand against opposite walls and just stare at each other.
I meant what I said earlier about not bringing him here with the expectation for sex.
It was a last-minute decision I made when I woke up and figured we had a little over twenty-four hours with no practice, no classes—aside from the one Colby had before I picked him up—and I knew tonight would be the perfect opportunity. If he was ready for it.
The silence between us isn’t awkward. If anything, it becomes more heated with the promise that the second the door closes behind us in the room, all guards are coming down.
The elevator doors open, and I lead Colby down the hallway to our room, key card already in hand. My palms are starting to feel clammy, and I try to hide the slight tremble in my hand when I scan the key to open the door.
I follow him inside, noticing how, for once, Colby seems to be the relaxed one out of the two of us. He toes off his sneakers and drops his jacket into the chair before rounding the bed.
He glances over at me with an expectant look. “Are you just gonna stand there all night?”
I choke out a laugh. “What?”
“I thought we were gonna have sex?” His brows furrow in a frown. “Unless you’ve changed your mind?”
I’m shaking my head before he can finish speaking. “No, I haven’t changed my mind. Have you changed yours?”