Chapter 27 #2
“I didn’t have it as bad as you, but I still had a lot of people watching me.
I’ve never really been someone who is online much, so it was easier for me to block that out as a kid, and during my rookie year, my captain took me in.
I lived with him and his family for two years before I got my own place, and I think that helped a lot, because after a shit game or some shit article being posted, there were three little girls waiting for me who just wanted to braid my hair.
” He smiles, and it lights up his eyes. “Do you know how hard it is to worry about what some random dude in Detroit thinks about you when you’re forced to play dress-up? ”
Laughing, I can’t help but grin. “It sounds like you had a good network around you.”
He nods. “I did, and I’ve always had people around me to remind me that I was more than what the critics were saying.
The noise will never go away, and like your dad said, sometimes it’ll get really loud, but you have to surround yourself with people who genuinely love and care for you.
But finding those people is really hard.
My circle is fucking tiny now compared to how it was when I was your age. ”
Tyler comes rushing to the forefront of my mind, and how his love and support never wavered.
Even if my heart still feels bruised by his decision, I know, deep down, it wasn’t a case of him not loving me. He had to do this for himself, and I know he’ll be stronger because of it.
“You went to Whilton U, right?” Beau asks after a beat.
“Yeah, I just did a year.”
“Did you make any friends? Anyone you can lean on?”
A smile crosses my face as I think of Stassie and her fierce friendship, and Tyler, who became the best risk I’ve ever taken.
“Yeah, there’s a couple.”
“Keep them close,” Beau says, tapping two fingers on the table to emphasize his point. “You’ll eventually find a teammate or two who will become like brothers to you, but it’s important to have people outside as well. The ones who will keep you grounded and be a safe place for you to land.”
My mouth turns dry, and I lick over my lips as my breath shudders out of me.
Tyler is my safe place, whether it’s being wrapped up in his arms or seeing his smile from across the room. I’ve always been drawn to him, since the first time we met—a sense of comfort and longing, an instinct that he was always going to be more than just a teammate.
But will we be able to keep that hidden until I’m ready to share with the world?
Is it too much to ask of him to keep up the pretense that we’re just friends and old teammates when he’s so much more?
Tyler is everything to me.
He’s like the moon, and I’m the tide, an undeniable force neither of us could ignore.
I draw my gaze up to Beau’s, and he offers me a sad, understanding smile. Like he can see the silent battle I’m fighting.
Resting his elbows on the table, he shifts forward and lowers his voice. “I’m not going to lie and say things won’t get tough, because they will, but you’re an incredibly talented guy, okay? You’re, what, eighteen?”
“Nineteen,” I reply.
Beau smiles. “You’re nineteen, and you’ve achieved so much already, and you still have your entire life ahead of you. Don’t make yourself smaller to appease other people, and don’t give your energy to people who wouldn’t clap for you anyway.”
Biting on the inside of my cheek, I nod.
“There’s a bunch of assholes in this world who hate seeing people succeed, and it stems from an ugly place, but instead of using their jealousy to improve their lives, they try to drag others down to their level. Some of these reporters?”
Beau subtly jerks his head to the left, and when my gaze follows in that direction, I see a man sitting on the far side of the bar.
His body is angled toward us, and he has a notebook in his lap.
He’s trying to appear casual and aloof, but I’ve seen my fair share of reporters to know he’s waiting for the perfect moment to take a photo and share it on the internet.
“Beau Rousseau and Colby McKay spotted ahead of the NHL Draft.”
“They’re vultures,” Beau continues, and I return my attention to him. “They don’t care that you’re a human being or that it’s impossible for one person to carry a team. Being cruel and malicious makes them money, and that’s all they care about.”
The hint of frustration in his voice makes me wonder if he’s struggling since the Steelheads lost the Cup. I haven’t been online to see what people have been saying, but judging by the tension that’s appeared in his shoulders, I can’t help but assume the world hasn’t been kind to him.
“Thank you,” I say, swallowing roughly. “For meeting me and for the advice. I really appreciate it.”
Beau’s mouth lifts in a crooked smile. “I’m here for you anytime, okay? I might be shit at answering my phone, but you’re not alone in this, so whenever you need someone, I’ve got your back.”
The back of my eyes stings as I say, “Thanks, that means a lot.”
We finish our drinks, and then I purposely stand to shield Beau from the reporter’s view as we head toward the elevator. I don’t know what’s going on with him, but I have this need to protect him.
Stepping out onto the floor where I’m staying, I say goodbye to Beau and promise to keep in touch. As I walk down the hall to my parents’ suite, where my suit is, I pull out my phone and bring up the text thread with Tyler.
The two messages he sent before he went home to Arizona stare back at me unanswered. My stomach flutters with nerves as my thumbs hover over the keyboard.
I don’t want to wait until after the draft to message him. I might be crossing boundaries, but he needs to know what he means to me. He needs to know that regardless of what happens tonight, I still want him with me.
And he needs to know that I still love him.
With my pulse pounding in my ear, I check to see if I’m alone before ducking into a small alcove at the end of the hallway and pressing the call button. My heart sinks into my stomach when it goes to voicemail, but I don’t hang up.
Leaning back into the wall, I gaze out the window as the people of Vancouver go about their day and try to steady my voice as I wait for the beep.
“Hey, it’s me. I know you asked for some time, and this isn’t me chasing up, but I wanted to let you know I just met up with Beau Rousseau.
” I’m sure he’ll be able to hear the smile in my voice.
“I know, wild, right? I promise I didn’t go all fanboy on him, but he gave me some really solid advice.
I’ll tell you about it sometime. Anyway…
” I bite the corner of my lip and quietly say, “I don’t expect you to call me back, but I just wanted you to know that I love you, Tyler, and I really fucking miss you.
And I hope that one day, I don’t have to imagine what it’s like to see your face when I wake up, because I’ll get to do it every day. ”
It beeps, indicating the message has ended. My head falls back until it hits the wall with a quiet thud.
I don’t know if I’ve done the right thing, but it’s like a weight has been lifted off my chest, allowing my lungs to move a little easier.
Locking my phone, I slide it into my pocket, then head back to my parents’ suite to start getting ready for the draft.
While my future is uncertain in terms of where I’ll play, the one thing I do know is Tyler Beckmann owns my heart.
And it’s now up to him when he wants to claim it.