Root (Mafia Rose #5)

CHAPTER ONE

Rush

Age 9

I hate Nikolai Wilder.

Hate him.

He’s not my dad. He’s not even related—

My stomach turns and twists, full of grease and bile, and I puke again, all over the blood-stained, concrete floor.

“Nikolai.”

“Shut the fuck up, Tony.” His voice is cold, savage, alive with hate and anger I can feel. “The boy needs to fucking learn if he’s going to survive in this world.”

“Nikolai…” Tony pauses, but then he must decide it’s better to shift gears. I know what shifting gears is. Dad talked about it a lot. Dad… I miss him. H-He wouldn’t do this. H-He wasn’t mean like dumb Nikolai.

I squeeze my eyes shut against the burning tears.

“You want a cleaning crew for this?” Tony asks.

“Get the fuck out.”

As always, there’s no argument from Tony—just obedience.

I stay on the warehouse floor, near the water. There’s a boat just outside, voices, more footsteps, and everything crushes down on me, and I want…I want…

My mom.

A heat rises over me. I don’t remember her face anymore. The only thing I remember, see when I close my eyes late at night, is her hair, soft and smelling like lemons and sunshine. I have pictures so I know her face, Dad’s too, but it’s just…not…there when I reach out. I only see her hair.

I can’t remember their voices. Just words. Here and there.

“Rush?”

Nikolai. That’s all I have now. And he hates me. He does. I wheeze.

I’m a dumb kid, a bad kid, and Nikolai wants to punish me for my mistakes—

“Rush?”

I don’t answer.

“Don’t make me go to you.”

I hunch lower, stomach twisting.

“For fuck’s sake,” he says, exasperated.

I don’t hear him walk. You never hear Nikolai—he’s just there.

When cookies cooling on the counter are too tempting, he sees me take one. The time Kara refused to get me the toy truck? When it landed in my pocket, he made me put it back. That sweet day the school bully wet his pants? It was because Nikolai appeared and pinned him with a look.

That’s all Nikolai needs to do. Look at you. And the world shatters.

Or worse.

His hand comes down on my shoulder, and he hauls me up. I stumble across the cement floor towards a cloth sack.

“Look.”

I shake my head, bile burning up my throat. “Don’t wanna.”

Nikolai presses on my shoulder until my legs give out, and I sink to the floor. I squeeze my eyes shut and turn my head.

“I said fucking look, Rush.”

“I hate you,” I sneer.

“Don’t particularly give a shit. Look.” When I don’t listen, he sighs. “We can stay here all fucking day and night for all I care, Rush. Look.”

My eyes graze over it, but he catches my chin and brings my head down. “Look.”

Something big moves in me, big, hot, and spiky. I try and pull free, but he doesn’t let go.

“Nikolai! Ow!”

“Fuck.” He releases me and leans close. “My job, my only fucking job, apart from rebuilding the family, is to protect you, and it’s not all fucking sunshine.”

He picks up the gun between us, turns it in his hands, and my eyes blur.

“Some hard fucking truths, Rush. This, here, is death. It’s not fucking pretty; it smells and it’s permanent.”

I snort indignantly. “I’m not five.”

“No, but you need to own each life you take, Rush. This…” He shoves the muzzle into the side of the body—sack—and looks at me. “This is real. You took the gun, you pulled the trigger, and you managed to shoot him dead.”

The words are the only thing in the air.

Nikolai isn’t done.

“Ben. You killed Ben.”

Burning tears start to stream down my cheeks, and I wipe them with my sleeve, along with the snot running from my nose.

“I need to have some fucking rules in the house so you don’t grow up a fucking wild wolf.” Nikolai stands and holds out his hand, but I ignore it. “One rule is if you kill not only does it need to be life and death for you, but you have to own it.”

“Nikolai…”

That hand stays out.

He’s got some tattoos on his arms, and he’s not in the suit he wears for business meetings. He’s in jeans and a T-shirt with blood on it, and—

He scoffs when I hesitate. “Throw up, don’t throw up, I don’t care. You need to fucking own it, Rush.”

I tuck my hands away and he drops his, eyes uncaring. Demanding.

“So I killed Ben,” I say, half yelling. The words burn up my throat. “Are you going to kill me, too?”

He scoffs again, and somehow, it breaks the tension in the warehouse. “You’re fucking nine. Give it a year or two.”

I laugh and hiccup.

“Ben was my right-hand man,” Nikolai says. “Tony’s going to take that job, okay? You trust no one but me, Tony, and Mia.”

I look up in question. “Kara?”

A muscle works in his jaw. “How’d you end up here?”

“Kara couldn’t take me to soccer practice, and she asked Ben to make sure I was on time. And he said he already got the memo.”

Nikolai shakes his head. “This is nowhere near that part of town.”

“He put the gun down and…” I squeeze my eyes shut, wishing I didn’t need to think about it.

“Rush?”

I lift my eyes to my cousin. “What?”

“You did the right thing. I’m proud of you. I get how fucking scary it is.” He scrubs a hand over his face. “I just want you to own it.”

Stomach souring, I look at him and throw up.

L ater that night, I sneak downstairs, skillfully avoiding the steps I know creak. I want cookies. I want milk. I want—

My heart hits my ribs painfully, and I stop as a coldness slithers through me, like one of the monsters in my closet tried to escape, even though I know they’re not real.

And while I could eat cookies—Mia makes the best chocolate-pecan cookies—it’s not why I’m creeping around.

Or why I’m gonna walk past Nikolai’s office so he can see me and call me in.

I want to make sure what Mia and Tony discussed outside my room isn’t true.

The study door’s open, letting out the lowest murmur of voices.

I creep up, a shadow spilling into the light hitting the floor. It isn’t moving–Tony?

Somewhere, a clock ticks loud, and my heart joins it, each beat making my ribs ache. I haven’t seen Kara since we got back from…from earlier.

I’m old enough that I don’t need a nanny, but I’m glad she’s still here, which sounds really dumb, because I do like her. She’s been here for as long as I can remember.

Suddenly, I stop, feet refusing to move as the voices in the study register in my mind. One is soft, feminine, pleading, the other male, dark, menacing, like from the depths of hell.

I force myself to move, creeping up to the door.

Nikolai has Kara against the wall, like they’re gonna kiss, but his hand is around her throat, and his face is twisted in anger, the kind of anger that scares me. Like this, he’s not my cousin. Like this, he’s a monster.

“You want to fucking tell me why I’d let a piece of scum like you breathe after throwing in with a man like fucking Finnegan? A man who destroyed a family for power? A man who respects rules so little, he’ll probably rape and murder you for a job well done?”

Her eyes bulge with panic. “Please—”

“Please fucking what?” Nikolai doesn’t give her a chance to speak. “You chose a sick fuck of a man, one who’d have children taken to him because of parentage? For what you think might be his parentage? You’d hand over a child?”

“It’s not—”

“Shut your fucking mouth.” The words are quiet, and he’s so close to her, I just barely catch them. They’re not full of rage; no, they’re empty, flat, and my bladder cramps right as my body burns with cold.

“You don’t fucking get to speak again.” Nikolai steps back and looks Kara in the eye before he lets her go.

She half slides down the wall, and he doesn’t lift his gaze from her. I feel for her–I know the power of his stare. It’s evil, served hot from hell.

“Tony? Phone.” He holds out his hand, and Tony sets the cell into his palm.

Nikolai presses a number and puts the phone on speaker as it rings.

“What the fuck does a pissant like you want, Wilder?” The voice is one I hate. Not like hate my cousin because that’s different. Complicated. This is real hate: strong and sticky moving through me.

I’ll never forget the sound of this voice, loud, threatening. The memory is wispy, but there’s a vileness there. Something in my head shifts, and on some deep level, I get it. The man Nikolai’s talking to did something bad, something terrible.

Mom and Dad.

My fingers curl tight.

“You think you can get to a child?” Nikolai says. “You think I have Beckett?”

Me? They’re talking about me.

A chill races down my spine.

The voice on the other end sounds vicious. “You’re the dumbest fuck I’ve met. Give me the East side, and—”

“And you’ll stop? Be best fucking buddies with me, you vile piece of shit?” Nikolai laughs. “Not happening. If your kid and wife weren’t—”

“Don’t you talk about them!”

“What?” Nikolai’s tone turns light. “You don’t like that Steph thinks you’re a terrible lay? Maybe Thorne isn’t—”

“Fuck you!”

“Not interested.” He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a switchblade, popping it open so the light glints bright off the blade. Not bothering to turn around, he holds out the phone. Tony steps forward and takes it as Nikolai drags Kara up by her hair.

“Thing is, I’m not Adam. I don’t have any kind of fucking heart,” Nikolai says, pulling her head back. “The only thing that beats in this shell is the fucking drive to bring you down with whatever remains of your fucking nasty little family.”

“Your family’s vermin, Wilder. Fucking vermin.” The other man snickers down the line. “I’ll get the kid, and then you.”

Nikolai taps the blade against Kara’s cheek. “I don’t think so. I know who Kara is, and she’s standing in front of me, looking at death. The difference with you and me, Finnegan, is that I don’t give a fuck about living beyond seeing your demise.

“I’m not soft. I’m not attached. I’m not weak, and I’m not out to conquer the world to make up for small dick problems. I’m here to make your life hell. I already own too much of what you want. Kill me? Mine? Affiliates? Go ahead.

“Not one fucking tiny drop of my money, land, or business holdings will ever see the light of day under Derek Finnegan. Back off, and I’ll let this faux pas slide. We stay in our own areas, we deal when we need to.

“But make one wrong move where the kid’s concerned? You ever try something again and I will burn you to the ground.”

There’s a long silence that crackles with so much electricity, I can feel it.

“Fine. It’s a deal.” Resentment is something I know and it’s thick in this man’s voice.

Nikolai nods with a grunt. “You cross me, and I’ll bring about mutual destruction–yours and mine. You willing to counter that?”

No one speaks, and Nikolai laughs. “Thought fucking not. Oh, and one last thing. There’s always collateral damage. Because I think, from the look in Kara’s eyes, you’ve been dipping your wick, and she needs to be punished.”

The man on the phone growls. “Don’t you dare.”

“It’s not a dare, it’s fucking fact. She fucked up, so she pays the price.”

After Tony takes the phone again, he makes sure to hold it to Kara’s face. Her eyes widen as she tries to get away, but Nikolai doesn’t let her go.

“No, no, please—”

Her words end in a cry, then a sputtering gurgle as red sprays. It all happens too fast, but Nikolai wipes the knife in her hair as she falls to the ground.

“Make of that what you will, Finnegan,” Nikolai says loud enough for him to hear on the other end of the call. “That was nothing compared to what I’ll do if you dare cross me again.”

Tony hangs up, and I’m…not hungry anymore.

“Start a long fucking search for Steph and little Thorne,” Nikolai says calmly.

Tony nods. “He claims they’re dead, Boss.”

“I don’t give a fuck what that snake thinks. I know we’ve searched before, but this is not going to end. Set up a dedicated crew. Any and every lead.”

“She’s a little girl, Boss.”

Nikolai cuts his eyes to Tony. “He threatened mine, and I’m taking out his.”

“Innocent—”

“Fuck, Tony.” He rubs his eyes. “Not the fucking way to start out as my new number one. Any spawn of his is tainted. Just do it.” Nikolai drops his hand. “Get the cleaning crew in. I’m grabbing a shower. Oh, and Rush?”

I freeze in place. He’s known I’ve been here the entire time?

His dark eyes swing toward me as I step into the doorway. “Wait for me in your room.”

I turn and run.

N ikolai joins me twenty minutes later. His face is stubbled, and I run my fingertips over my hairless chin. A small smile appears as I do so, and it even makes his black eyes warm.

He smells clean, familiar, like home. Nikolai sits, looking cool in his jeans and T-shirt. He’s bad-ass, and I’m in my rocket pajamas. My neck burns with embarrassment.

“You shouldn’t have been there.” He taps the space on the bed between us. “You shouldn’t…fuck, I’m not good at this, but she was going to hand you over to that man.”

I nod and swallow down the ball of heat clogging my throat. “Are you sending me away?”

He frowns. “No.”

“Mia and Tony said something about boarding school, and safe, and—”

He groans. “I’ll fucking kill them.”

“No!” Panic wells.

He grabs my shoulders, his frown deepening. “Rush, shit. Mia and Tony are loyal. They’re family. Fuck me…”

“N-Nikolai.” I can’t think of how to put the tangle inside me into words.

“I’m a monster, but I’m going to do my best to raise you like your dad and mom would have wanted, like the good people they were. I’m going to teach you about trust and how it needs to be earned. Your dad gave it too easily, and in any other line of work, it would’ve been fine.”

“Don’t kill them…please?”

“Rush.” Nikolai stops, then brushes a hand through my hair. “I’m not killing Mia and Tony. They’ve earned my trust.”

“But you said—”

“Life’s fucking complicated. If I said that outside this place, in public, then take those words as law. They care for you. Tony and Mia came on when I received more responsibility, and Tony could have sold me out, tried to take my place. He could have turned on me by vowing to support you in a climb up the ladder when you’re old enough.

“But both those things are treason, and he’s loyal. He’d be the type to die before giving up a thing.” He looks at me. “You’re the heir, Rush, not me, but I’ll build you an empire.”

“And if I don’t want that life?”

He laughs. “Rush, you’re already in it. But there are levels. You don’t have to head anything if you don’t want to. I will in your stead, but it’s always going to be yours.”

I smile. “So I can have ice cream every night for dinner?”

He laughs again, harder this time. “It doesn’t fucking work that way, kid. Listen… Boarding school won’t happen. Other families’ kids go, some are home schooled, and others still are hidden away.” He ruffles my hair again. It’s kinda like a Nikolai hug. “After Kara, no more dedicated help; Mia and her handpicked staff will be there for you, but Mia mainly, okay? Anyone asks you to go somewhere, even if it’s a regular scheduled thing, tell Mia. Promise?”

“Yeah. Promise.”

He nods. “Man to man, right here and right now, Rush.”

Something in me perks up and puffs at that. Man to man. I like it. I look at my cousin.

“You’ll go to your regular school, but never answer to the name Beckett, keep on being Rush. Call Mia your mother. Some people know who you are, others suspect. Many just think there’s a kid here and I sent you away. Muddy the waters, Rush. It’s why you’re Rhodes, not Wilder.”

“I like Rush. Did mom call me that?”

“You would. And yeah, we all did from the moment you could walk,” he says. “You never sat still once you worked out how to walk. Always fucking rushing places. You were always Beckett in public until they died. So, you’re now officially Rush.”

With that, he rises and starts to head to the door.

“Niko,” I call, ignoring the glare, “will you stay? Just a bit.”

At first, I think he’s going to say no, but then he points to the covers. I scamper under them, and he comes up, tucks me in, and lays down on top of the blankets.

Thing is, I might be a man, but every time I close my eyes, I see the bodies. Ben’s. Kara’s. I inch close to the heat that rolls off Nikolai, one that says life.

“Can I…?” I just turn and squish into his thereness.

He doesn’t move, but after a second or three, he sighs. “Fine, as long as you never call me Niko again.”