Twenty-Eight
Craig
Along the way I picked up a new cane and the least obnoxious t-shirt I could find, something with a snapping turtle on it. I’m pretty sure we don’t have snapping turtles in Washington. I thought about toiletries but I was just hiding out from Kathy and the family, not running away.
What a horrible person I was. Rilee invited me over and cooked for me. She clearly was interested, more than Veronica had ever been even during the good days. Rilee was pretty and nice. Better than nice. Through the pulsing ache of my right foot, I still felt her fingers on my skin.
“What are you looking at,” I snapped at the old woman pushing a cart down the homeware aisle as I rubbed at my eyes. The bitty said something appropriately nasty to me and turned the corner. I had said far worse tonight to someone who’d deserved much better.
The gray-haired woman looked around the corner again and I snarled at her from behind the towel I was using as a shield for my blubbery face.
Was there no privacy in this store? If she cared that much I should probably just unbutton my coat and try the t-shirt on right now for good measure.
Instead, I grabbed another towel off the shelf and threw the pair in my cart like I’d always planned to do that. She didn’t follow me.
The slight mousy checker finished her carefree conversation with the customer in front of me and came to a dead halt when I stepped up.
Puffy eyed, scarred, big buttoned up coat, set jaw, I was probably intimidating.
She didn’t meet my eyes at all while ringing me up.
The strangled squeak when the checker unfolded the towels to find the price tag must have come from me because the tired worker looked up like I’d pulled a gun on her.
The towels were white with cartoon ducks on them, a boy in a blue uniform and a girl in pink.
“Them too,” I croaked, fumbling for my wallet. The towels in Rilee’s bathroom had been brown. These were the towels from my dream, and they were here with me, not in her bathroom.
I wanted to scream at Rilee, “Why won’t you leave me alone?
” But she wasn’t here and she didn’t deserve to be yelled at.
It wasn’t her fault I couldn’t keep her out of my head.
Or that the universe seemed to be smashing us together whether we wanted it or not.
It also wasn’t her fault I had nothing to offer her.
Not a job. Not a functioning body. Not even pleasant words.
Standing in the cold parking lot I put on the turtle t-shirt, threw the bag of towels on the front passenger seat and climbed in my truck.
Back in the motel I tossed and turned but exhaustion finally found me.
And so did she. Stepping out of her dream bathroom I couldn’t stay angry.
I could feel the wet heat from the shower in my muscles.
Her smile, peeking from over her bare shoulder massaged that relaxed stillness into my heart.
Not only was I not angry with her, I wasn’t angry with me.
Where the lighting storm went, I didn’t know.
When I awoke the sun was spilling under the heavy motel curtains.
A small knot still pressed at the small of my back but I could feel my toes again.
I showered, mostly just a rinse since the lack of complimentary shampoo is how the motel kept its prices below affordable.
Then I slipped on my brace, boots and new shirt.
The complimentary breakfast was burnt bad coffee and a prepackaged muffin the size of a mini-orange.
It gave me heartburn. Or maybe I already had heartburn.
Check out was at ten so with no place to be on a Saturday morning I went home.
Both cars were in the garage so I parked on the street and waddled inside, mindful not to aggravate my leg. Sometimes just the smallest movement can set it off, a twist, a bend, a little weight at the wrong angle. Unreliable. Jackie was at the kitchen table, homework spread out around her.
“Hitting the books already?”
She looked up from her math problems, her eyes inspecting me, toe to head. “It’s clean the garden day,” as if that explained the teenage choice to do homework in place of physical labor. “Late night?” There was a touch of venom in Jackie’s voice.
I was saved from answering by Lukas barging through the door, “I heard your car pull up.” A dried leaf clung stubbornly to the front of his sweater as he rubbed his hands together. “How’d things go?”
Jackie looked way more interested than I thought she should, and not in a good way.
Behind Lukas, Kathy stamped her feet in the doorway, shaking off the garden dirt.
“The kids are still outside so I want the details.” Glancing at her daughter Kathy added, “Jackie go help Darren and Cami, they need some supervision.”
“Homework,” Jackie protested, hands waving across her papers.
Kathy looked at Lukas who shrugged. “Okay, then I’ll make another pot of coffee,” Kathy relented.
I didn’t need more coffee but it wasn’t my house, and while I didn’t want to talk, I knew that it would come out at some point, better to rip off the band-aid all at once.
Each of us found a section of counter to lean against and Jackie tried to look busy.
“So?” Kathy prompted.
“We had dinner,” I started.
My pause was long enough that Lukas thought I’d finished, “And?”
And. Dinner was nice. I’d brought the wrong kind of wine but I gave her a framed drawing. I’d built the frame, and the drawing was mine. The explanation rattled out of me, avoiding the sharp bits in my chest.
“That’s kinda cool,” Jackie said, not looking up.
“I didn’t know you did artsy stuff,” Lukas mumbled, drifting off under Kathy’s glare.
We had some wine and she asked me to stay. The whole thing felt like a hallmark movie. I shrugged as a wrap up, case closed.
I wasn’t fooling Kathy. “Except you’re here in a different shirt, an ugly shirt that definitely didn’t come from a woman’s house, and you look like you combed your hair with bacon. So, what happened?”
I glanced at Jackie, and then at Lukas, and then Kathy. None of them were taking the hint. “Things didn’t go well,” I shrugged again, studying the linoleum.
My sister’s tone softened, “Not well, as in you two wanted different things? Compatibility issues? You have regrets now? What kind of not well?” Kathy was struggling to put the pieces together.
“My back went to shit and I ran out on her.” Jackie twitched at the curse but neither Lukas or Kathy said a word. “My body broke down and I took off. Left my shirt in the mix and had to buy a new one.”
The whole ugly tale hung there, rotting. Lukas finally broke the silence. “Well, you’re a regular Joseph in Egypt. Think she’ll give it another go?”
“Lukas,” Kathy snapped, flicking her husband with a kitchen towel.
“What?” he said, with an open-handed shrug. “It’s a legitimate question.”
“Go outside and help the kids,” Kathy ordered.
Pushing off the counter Lukas conceded, “Okay. Tough break Craig.” At the back door he turned back, “Before I forget, Ulrich called. He wanted to talk with you about something. His number’s by the key basket.”
Kathy waited until the door clicked closed before letting out a long sigh. “I’m so sorry Craig. I can’t imagine how hard that was, but I’m really proud of you for putting yourself out there.”
The coffee was done but no one poured a cup. “That’s all I seem to be doing, Kath, throwing myself at the wolves and getting chewed up.”
Walking over, Kathy hugged me. “I know. But you’ve always been strong where it mattered.
You’ll get through this.” After a squeeze she added, “We’ll get through this.
” Then she let me go. “I guess I should go patch things up with my own guy. Please find something to eat. There are waffles in the freezer.” Kathy left Jackie and I in the kitchen.
The utter silence emphasized the squeak of Jackie’s pencil. After four or five long moments I took Kathy’s advice and began rummaging in the freezer.
“Did you hurt her feelings?” Jackie’s question was colder than the freezer ice.
I shivered at the memory, the look on Rilee’s face, her voice calling out behind me. Still leaning into the freezer I answered, “Probably.” The box of waffles was empty—kids. Closing the freezer I fumbled with the coffee pot.
“Mr. Lambert said he’s seen you hanging around with Coach Horner.”
I missed the mug, spilling hot coffee across my hand. “F-” I bit the word off and jammed my hand under the faucet.
“Were you with Coach Horner last night?”
My back was to Jackie and I couldn’t look at her.
The water chilled my pinkie and ring finger but the others throbbed.
“Rilee,” I said finally, as if her first name alone made the situation different.
“I call her Rilee. But yes, I was with her last night.” I turned off the water but didn’t move, still gripping the edge of the sink.
“She’s the girl, the lady, from the gym? The one you took to the play? Coach Horner is the woman you’ve been dating?”
The weeks played out in my head. The texts, the meetups. Yeah, we’d been dating. And last night, even if I hadn’t stayed, would have been a defining moment, a point that said, yes this is going somewhere. Instead, I’d thrown it all away.
Turning around, still holding onto the counter, I faced Jackie. “Yeah, I’ve been dating Rilee Horner.”
I couldn’t read Jackie’s tight–lipped expression, but her curly hair hung like a mane. I expected to be torn to pieces at any moment, but she simply said, “She’s a good teacher.”
“She’s a good person,” I nodded in agreement.
“She’d have made a great aunt.”
My legs gave out and if I hadn’t been holding on to the sink I’d have hit my head on the way down.
Instead, I slumped against the counter. Oblivious to the impact of her approval, Jackie turned back to her math, head shaking.
My burned hand hurt and I felt like an idiot on ice skates as I got my weight under me.
Without looking at me Jackie added, “If you have the chance, make it right. Even if you two don’t work out, she deserves that.”
She was right, of course. Teenage bravado, fresh without scars, knew better than I did.
In the building silence I wiped up the spilled coffee, poured another cup and made a piece of toast. I could text that I was sorry, try and explain.
She’d already seen the brace. My food caught in my throat as the thought of Rilee taking off my shoes caught in my mind.
I needed to call her. A text would simply be an additional insult and not worthy of who she was.
Fumbling out my phone I started through my contacts until I reached her. Then I called Ulrich instead.