Chapter Eleven Dragna
Chapter Eleven
Dragna
We had dinner, talked about her life and talked about the car incident this morning. I felt like a fucking asshole lying to her face about it. Sitting there pretending I’d called the police chief on her behalf, acting concerned that she was possibly being followed all while knowing it was Andrei.
I’d put him on her to ensure she was safe because I have what I now know is an unhealthy obsession with her.
I want to know what she is doing at all times, who she is with and whether or not asshole men are sniffing around her when they shouldn’t be.
I know I’m no better than the men I want to keep away from her by lying to her, but at least I can keep her safe.
I’ve also gone against my better judgement of wanting to stay away from her because I just simply can’t. It would distract me more if I was a silent shadow in her life rather than having her fully in mine, so it was obvious to me I needed to see her this evening when she finished work.
I know I’ve been giving her mixed signals and I know she is hesitant of me, which she should be. She has no clue of the world I’m involved in and I want to keep it that way. I told her I own several businesses across the city with the club being my main one. She seemed happy with believing that.
As much as I want her in my life, I know I can’t mix her with my lifestyle.
She can never find out how stained with blood my hands are, can never know the hours and hours of torture I’ve inflicted on other men and can absolutely not, under any circumstances, find out that I am Pakhan of the Bratva.
It will only put her in danger to be used against me.
It would also scare her off before whatever this is between us can even begin and I can’t lose her when she’s starting to warm to me.
I can’t lose her at all.
I watch her watching the city go by outside the car window and it takes all of the restraint I have to not reach for her, to not take her hand in mine and lace our fingers together.
She’s the most perfect creature I’ve ever seen. Her soft skin, velvet voice and those fucking eyes. Her striking hazel eyes that turn a little more green when the light hits them.
Everything about her is delicate, from how graceful she walks, her innocent face, to her pink manicured nails, but her eyes? They are fierce. They could bring any man to his knees, willing to part with his own soul just to have her look at him.
“Before we arrive at my apartment I just want to say thank you.” She breaks the comfortable silence and shifts in her seat to turn to me.
“It was my pleasure. I know it wasn’t fine dining, but somehow I don’t think you’re the kind of girl who is impressed by fancy restaurants with snobbish clientele.” I say honestly, looking into her eyes, then down to her lips.
“No, I don’t just mean for dinner. I mean for everything.
I know it’s only been a couple of days since we met, but I had you pegged as some rich asshole who only cared about business.
You’ve proved me wrong by showing me the kindness that you have, so thank you.
” She says as he looks away getting shy and makes my heart jump.
She was right to have that opinion of me though, because before I saw her I did only care about business. Not the kind of business she’s thinking of, but it’s all the same in my world.
“You’re welcome.” Is the only response I can think of to give her as I notice we have turned into her street. I don’t want her to get out of the car. I don’t want to watch her walk to her apartment door knowing once she’s inside, there’s a barrier between us.
I take a calming breath before I do or say something that will scare her, like locking the doors so she can’t leave or asking her to fucking marry me.
Mikhail stops outside her apartment and she reaches for the door handle to let herself out.
“I’ll get it.” I say as I jump out of the car and walk round to open her door for her.
She looks up at me with a smile as I reach my hand down to help her out.
I guide her by her small, innocent hand towards her front door, just wanting to touch her as much as I can before the inevitable goodnight that’s coming.
She removes her hand from mine to get her keys from her bag and I ball my hand into a fist at the loss of touch.
“You didn’t need to walk me to my door, but I appreciate it.” She laughs while putting the key in and twisting the handle.
“Thanks again for di—” She’s cut off abruptly by the most irritating and infuriating sound I’ve ever heard.
“What do we have here moy brat?” Fucking Lev.
Looking towards the sky and gaining every ounce of composure I have, I look back towards the front door seeing Lev make his way down the stairs with Alina in tow.
“How was dinner Wills?” Willows best friend asks her while raising an accusatory brow.
“It was lovely.” Willow smiles awkwardly before a silence descends between the four of us.
“Well, this little family reunion is lovely, but I have to get to the club and Alina was just seeing me out. See you there soon D. Hope you had a fun evening Willow.” Lev says while winking at me. I want to grab him by the throat and head butt him for interrupting us.
“I’ll see you upstairs Wills. Thanks for bringing her home safe Dragna.” Alina says while she blows her nose into a tissue. My idiotic cousin might actually be done for if he’s come here to visit Alina while she’s sick. Actually who the hell am I to judge?
“You better get up to Alina and take over Lev’s duties of making sure she’s okay.” I say and Willow lets out a laugh. She laughs loudly, and it's the most amazing sound I’ve ever heard in my life.
“I don’t think I’m cut out to be taking over ‘Lev’s duties’ when it comes to Alina.
I’m pretty sure they didn’t do much talking, or anything really that involved not being in her bed.
Even with her being sick.” She continues laughing and all I can do is watch how her eyes crinkle at the sides.
How her wide, bright smile creates a dimple in one of her cheeks and how alive she looks.
If I took a picture of her right now would she run a mile?
Of course she fucking would. What the fuck is wrong with me?
Her laughter drifts away as she notices me just staring at her.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean that that’s all Lev wants from her or that he couldn’t actually look after her, that’s not what I—” I bring a hand up and brush her hair away from her shoulder stopping her from finishing what she was going to say.
I run my hand from her collarbone, up her neck and cup her jaw.
She’s tiny compared to me, but she somehow looks even more small and delicate in my hand.
I would break her. My world would break her.
I realise then and there that I can’t do this.
I can’t bring her into my life and damage her.
I can’t risk her becoming collateral. I can’t risk ruining her life and her never laughing that gorgeous laugh again.
I bring my hand down, shoving both of them both into the pockets of my suit trousers.
“Goodnight Willow. Thanks for accompanying me tonight. I’ll make sure to keep on at the chief and if anything comes up about the car, I’ll let you know.
” I resort back to using my business tone as I speak, turning completely cold on her as much as it kills me and I watch her eyes blaze with defiance and hatred.
Good. Hate me. Please hate me and go back to thinking I’m the rich asshole who only cares about business.
I walk away without saying another word to her and before she can give me the hell I know she was wanting to.
I reach my car and get in with a slam of my door behind me.
I don’t even look up to see if she’s still standing where I left her or if she’s went inside as I tell Mikhail to get me to the club as fast as he can.
I’ll keep watch of her, but the only real way I can protect her is by staying the fuck away.
Mikhail starts the car and pulls out onto the road as I pull out my phone to let Lev know I’m on my way to the club right behind him.
When we reach the top of her street I can’t help myself, I look out the window and back towards her apartment.
She’s standing there unmoving. Looking at the spot I was just standing in as if she can’t believe I’ve walked away like I have.
I feel my chest ache at the thought of hurting her, but this is for the best. She will never understand, but I’m thankful for that, because it means she will never be tainted by my world.