Chapter 39 #2
“I’m not sorry for it, Wes. It’s the first bit of life I’ve seen in ya since I can remember. I wanted to spend some quality time together before I...” his voice catches and he swallows hard, unable to finish.
I nod, chewing the inside of my cheek because I have no idea what to say to him. He pours us both a cup of coffee and gestures to the table.
“How about we sit down, and you can tell me what’s really bothering you?”
I settle into the chair across from Pops and stir some cream into my coffee as I try to name this big feeling in my gut and figure out why it’s making me lash out at everyone.
Pops lets me wrestle with myself for as long as I need. I always loved that about him. He never needs to fill the silence with banal chatter, and he always gives me the chance to say what I need to say.
“Sawyer.”
Pops whistles through his teeth before he takes a bite. “Well, that woman there could cause you all kinds of grief. What, in particular, is the problem?”
“She... I... I think I accidentally fell in love with her,” I answer. “It wasn’t part of my plan.”
He chuckles and swipes some coffee off his mustache.
“It isn’t somethin’ you plan for, son. Love is a wild, untamed thing.
You can’t control it any more than you can control those wildflowers overtaking the ditches.
It takes you by surprise, but then it grows and spreads and it gives you a dopey smile on your face ‘cause it’s damn beautiful. ”
His words pierce my already mangled heart, and I speak the thought that has fear and uncertainty twisting through my innards. “Maybe she doesn’t feel the same way.”
“Why would you think she feels any differently than you do?”
I narrow my eyes at him. “She was spending time with me for you.”
“I beg your pardon?” I give him a blank stare, and he leans forward. “I asked her to get you acquainted with a horse or two. I did not ask her to keep you over there all hours of the night, chasin’ horses and whatever other profane things you two get up to together.”
I snort, but he keeps going.
“Every other time she was with you, it was because she wanted to be, so don’t go ruinin’ a good thing because you got your little panties in a twist over me askin’ her for a favor. I have never seen that girl as happy as she is when she’s with you.”
I swallow past the burn in my throat. “How am I supposed to believe that?”
“You set aside your damn pride, and you listen to her when she tells you.”
My heart thumps angrily in my chest as I recall how I walked out on Sawyer. My stomach turns.
"I’m sure you and Sawyer have plenty you need to talk about, but there's something I need to tell you first." Pops’ voice is steady, drawing my full attention.
He exhales, slow and measured. “Now, my health isn't what it used to be, and I can’t give this place the time it needs anymore. I’ve come to terms with that.” He pauses, giving me time to brace for what’s coming next. “So, I’ve decided—on my own, mind you—that I’m selling the ranch.”
My leg stops shaking under the table. My body goes still.
“I’ve talked to your mother, and she’s putting together paperwork for the sale.”
He’s really going to sell the ranch. The reason that brought me here for the past seven weeks—to persuade Pops to sell the ranch—is finally becoming a reality.
And instead of relief, all I feel is hollow.
The words barely register before the slam of the screen door yanks me from my daze. Gravel crunches under tires, and I glance out the window just in time to see a white truck barreling away from Dawson Ranch.
“Sawyer,” I croak out in a whisper.
“One more thing, Wes.” I tear my gaze from the window, focusing on Pops once more. “I’m proud of ya, son.” A smile deepens his wrinkles as he peeks up from his cup of coffee. “You stayed.”
“You didn’t think I had it in me, did you, old man?”
He chuckles and shakes his head. “That’s where you’re dead wrong.
” He pins me with a serious look. “I knew you had it in you from the first moment you stepped foot on this ranch. I didn’t doubt for a second that you had the heart of a cowboy.
You’re the only one who ever doubted that you belonged here.
“Your mama knew it and hated it. Your daddy knew it and pretended he didn’t see it.
And I—” he takes a sip of his coffee as I gape at him, the steam curling around the ends of his mustache—“Well, I never wanted to pressure you into being something you didn’t wanna be, Wes.
I regretted always putting that pressure on your dad.
With you, I wanted to let you make your own choices, so I never asked you to stay.
And I’m not gonna ask ya now either. You’re a grown man, and you can decide what kind of life you want for yourself. ”
My brow furrows as he reaches across the table to grip my calloused hand in his.
“It’s your life. Not mine. And not your dad’s. I’m proud of you no matter what you decide, Wes. I hope you know that.”
Tears prick at the corners of my eyes as I squeeze his aged hand in mine. His words lift the weight that has been crushing me these past two months.
He’s proud of me. Regardless of what I decide to do. Whether I stay or go.
At thirty-five years old, I hadn’t thought I’d needed to hear that, but somehow, now that he’s said it, I feel lighter. Surer of myself than I’ve felt in a long time.
And to hear he always knew I had it in me to be a rancher? It eases all the doubts that I’ve had about myself.
“Thanks, Pops,” I say, my voice cracking with emotion.
He gives me a knowing smile, the kind that says he understands more than he lets on. “It’s the truth, son. And it’s been the truth for a long time.”
Pops steps up behind me, resting an aged hand on my shoulder. “Now, go chase down your woman.”