9. Dane
It’s days like today that I wish my sister were better so we could talk like we used to. I’ve never missed her more than I do now, even though I’m sitting right next to her.
It’s a gorgeous sunny afternoon, and we walked to the store for ice cream. Now we’re sitting on a bench at the park, and I’ve never felt more isolated and alone.
“I love ice cream,” Darla says for at least the fifth time since we found the bench.
“Me too, Dar. Do you ever get ice cream at home?”
She scrunches her nose. “Yes, but it’s gross. No tiger tail. Only vanilla.”
That makes me smile despite the black cloud hovering, and I decide to just talk to her anyway.
Maybe she still might have something to add, or it could stimulate her.
I still hope that one day her brain injury will disappear enough for the old Darla to return.
I love her no matter what, but…she was and is my only friend. My best friend.
“I met this boy,” I begin. Just like how we would both start conversations as kids in her room when our parents couldn’t listen in.
“Is he cute?” She giggles and licks her ice cream.
“Devastatingly handsome.” She pauses, eyebrows scrunched, and I realize my error with the word. “It means he’s very handsome. The most handsome.”
“Okay. Did you go out with him?”
“Not exactly. He…he doesn’t like me much, and that’s my fault.”
She shakes her head. “Impossible. You’re the best brother in the world, Dane.” Darla grins at me, and I brush a bit of orange ice cream off her cheek.
“Thanks, Dar. I…there are things he doesn’t know about me. About us.” She turns to me mid-lick. “If he knew, I think it could make him hate me less, but I’m afraid if I tell him, he’ll hate me more.”
“You mean about Dad?”
Darla’s memory, unfortunately, still holds the bad stuff. For one bright ray of time, I hoped she’d never remember her accident or what happened in the years after it. It’s one of those shitty life things I wished I didn’t have to learn. Brain injuries are never the same for everyone.
“Yeah. About Dad. I made some assumptions about this guy’s life, and I was wrong about it.” With a shaky exhale, I whisper, “I kissed him.”
Darla almost drops her ice cream as she squeals. “You did!? Did you like it? Tell me.” Again, I’m launched back to better days of our lives and miss them so fiercely it aches in my bones.
“I liked it, yeah.”
“Is he your boyfriend now? I have a boyfriend.”
“What? Who?”
“Quinn. I share my Rolos with him. He likes you.”
I laugh softly. “He’s a good guy.”
“So, do you have a boyfriend, too?”
“No.” I shake my head. “I wish I did, but…”
This conversation makes me feel worse. I don’t want Warren to be a boyfriend.
I wouldn’t mind someone like him in my bed, but I can’t have a relationship.
He screams commitment from every pore. I just need to work with him and stop daydreaming about different times.
We butt heads too much to have a relationship while competing.
Besides, our lives are far too different to make it work. If he knew what I’d done, I doubt he’d still turn those gorgeous brown eyes in my direction.
“Can we walk back now?” Darla, oblivious to my internal angst, stands with a grin. At least she’s always happy.
“Of course.”
Darla chatters on about the birds and squirrels, and I’m half present in the conversation. It’s not until we’re walking back up the entrance of her care facility that I notice the familiar truck out front and the man inside.
I don’t bring Darla’s attention to it. After getting her settled and chatting with her ‘boyfriend’, I sign myself out.
The truck is gone.
And so is Warren.
“Sorry I’m late.”
Warren nods. “It’s fine.”
We’re finally off to our first rodeo, and as much as I wanted to take separate vehicles, it made more sense for us to travel together.
We’d been getting along mostly and practicing at the training facility almost daily.
The earlier tension seems to have disappeared, and while I wasn’t teasing him like he asked me not to, we were polite enough.
It’s an amazing perk to have an indoor facility like the rodeo school at your fingertips. I don’t think I’d be this prepared for the season without it. It’s also been nice to have other people around, so I’m not tempted to kiss him again. That’s a definite perk I won’t admit out loud.
Not sure how I’m going to stop myself now, though. Travelling together in his fancy truck and being close to him 24/7 might just make me do something stupid. More stupid than usual.
I load Trigger into the trailer next to Warren’s horse and add my saddle and gear to the back of his truck before finally sliding into the passenger seat.
“I told Jesse to keep an eye on your truck while we’re gone. He won’t need the keys, but he’ll keep a watch.”
“Thanks.”
Warren remains silent in the early morning as he drives the truck and trailer out of the rodeo school’s lot, and we start the drive to our first rodeo.
I stare out the window and wish I had something to do.
If I’m not driving, I’m thinking. When I’m thinking, everything just gets super messy in my head.
“I was thinking we could stop at the truck stop at the highway intersection. Grab food before we keep going. Unless you don’t mind the food trucks when we get there, but I like to stretch halfway.”
Warren blurts all this out. The words run together like he’s afraid that if he stops to take a breath, he might not say it all.
“That’s fine.”
I normally pack a bag of my own food, but that would be hard to explain with Warren, I think. Especially when it’s peanut butter sandwiches for an entire weekend. I budgeted for meals out, but nothing too over the top.
We travel along in silence, the tires humming along with the radio playing in the background.
“So, ah…” He clears his throat, and I close my eyes. Here it comes. “I wasn’t spying on you, but I’m curious why you have your home address as the assisted living home in town?”
I was wondering if he’d bring that up. Kind of hoped he wouldn’t, but this is Warren, after all. He asks questions. A lot of them.
“If you weren’t spying, why were you there?” I turn my head towards him when he remains silent. He’s blushing. Like red as a tomato, and I laugh. “Jesus, Burke, were you hoping to hide under my window and jerk off or something? I’ve never seen a blush that red. You look like a damn apple.”
A delicious apple I wouldn’t mind a bite of.
“No! I’m not a perv or… whatever. I was just…
” His throat bobs with a swallow, and I’m super interested in hearing what he has to say.
“I was entering your info into the computer for Jesse. We share all the admin work, and I noticed it was your birthday the day before. I thought I’d surprise you and ask if you wanted to get a drink or whatever. ”
Good lord, can’t I get a break? He’s too good.
“You didn’t think to call me?”
He shakes his head. Annoyance in his huffed breath. “Never mind. I was trying to be nice, but clearly it was a mistake.”
I let the information sit with me. It warms my insides to the point I’m uncomfortable acknowledging it.
Maybe I should let him in a little. We work together, and I know we’ll perform better if trust is there.
Warren can give it more freely than I can, but I need the extra money from these wins.
Maybe I can allow him a bit. Just to ensure we’re still partners who get along and win.
It sounds lame the longer I think about it, but maybe it’s okay if I treat him like a friend.
“It’s my sister’s address. You saw me with my sister. I use her address since I move so often. They just keep everything for me until I visit.”
“That was your sister I saw you with?”
Am I hearing relief in his voice? “Yeah, why? Did you think I have a girlfriend you don’t know about?”
“No, I just, I’d never…” He shifts in his seat, and a grin forms on my lips.
“Were you jealous, Burke? That it?”
“Oh fuck off, Walker. Since you kissed me, I hoped it wasn’t a girlfriend, and you were going behind her back. That’s all.”
That’s not it at all. He’s a terrible liar.
“If you say so.”
Leaning back, I pull my hat over my face to hide what has to be a too-happy grin. Warren is so jealous, and I really like knowing that. More silence stretches, and I know he won’t shut up for the rest of the way. I can practically hear the gears in his head turning.
“Can I ask why she’s there? She seems close to your age.”
“None of your business,” I clip. I gave him enough for this ride. Maybe too much. I’m not sharing about my sister today, rodeo partnership or not.
I can’t make out what he grumbles under his breath, and I don’t care.
I just want to get to the rodeo, win some events and make money.
Warren Burke doesn’t need to know every detail about my sorry life to make that happen, despite what my treacherous heart wants to believe.
“Damn. Where did all the team ropers come from this year?”
Warren surveys the crowd of men on horseback in our event. We’re in the second flight of contestants, so our turn will be a while yet.
“Maybe they all heard you entered and thought if you can do it, they can too?”
Warren rolls his eyes. “You’re my partner, jackass. You should have a better opinion of my skills than that.”
“I do.”
I’m betting the increase in roping teams is because they thought it might be a field with low entries and an easier chance of winning. I’ve been away for too long, and I don’t recognize a lot of the faces out here, but Warren gives me a running commentary.
“That guy, on the pretty Paint horse up ahead, he’s won tie-down a few years now since you left. I don’t know his partner, though. There are a few I recognize from the rodeo school, too. The younger ones, especially. This is anyone’s event tonight.”
With the first flight over, our group moves up to the ring. We line up as the third pairing in our group, and both of us stop talking. It’s go time.
The first pair out bobbles their head catch. The second pair only catches one foot, and it’s a penalty. Then it’s our turn.
Warren settles into his chute, and I do the same in mine. We know each other’s pregame routine well now, and once I’m settled, I let Warren take over.
Warren nods and is out of the chute, perfectly timed with the steer in front.
His release lands true around the neck, and he’s already pulling the steer around to present the feet to me.
My blood rushes through my veins and it drowns out the crowd.
My rope lands neatly, pulling snug around both feet.
Trigger stops hard before backing up. The ring official drops his flag, and relief floods my system.
“A new leader tonight, ladies and gentlemen! Warren Burke and Dane Walker have just posted their first-ever team roping score, and it’s a doozy! Five more pairs to go before we have a winner!”
Warren and I leave the ring and come to stand along the outside rail with the other pairs that might finish in money.
“Nice work, Walker,” Warren says before he chats with a few other men I don’t know. I should try to socialize more like Warren, but right now, all I can focus on is whether our time will stand.
How can he be so laid back about it?
Warren returns and hoists himself up on his horse. “You should meet some guys. Many of them tie-down rope, too.”
“Another time.”
The last pair is out, and it looks good…until they only catch a single foot.
“We did it,” I breathe.
“Yeah, we did. Maybe this partnership might not be so bad.” Warren turns his horse away from the ring. “Let’s go. No victory lap at this one.”
That’s not a terrible thing. The only time I liked victory laps was when I could bug Warren about losing to me. Now that we’re both winners, I guess I’ll have to wait and see how it goes in tie-down.
Just like old times, I hope I can goad him a little later.
Gently, of course. Just enough to push him into doing something I like.