12. Warren
“Jesse, did you get this note about the Kissing Ridge rodeo? Are we sponsoring the grandstand with Uncle Jackson’s parents now?”
It’s incredible the number of requests we get for donations. I love it, and I wish we could say yes to everything, but as my youngest brother, Clarence, has pointed out, it’s not sound business to keep giving away all our profits.
Which is fair, but honestly…we can do more. I’m even warming up to Jesse’s auctions for the local farmers, even though I despise them.
Jesse exits the bathroom off the office shirtless while brushing his teeth and gives me a thumbs up. After rinsing his mouth, he returns while pulling on a shirt.
“We are. His parents are getting older and won’t make it every year now. He wants the tradition to continue, and since he’s my mentor, I thought it made sense. Unless you disagree?”
Shaking my head, I set the donation letter aside. “Not at all. I was thinking we should invite the 4H group for the afternoon go-round and let them see the rodeo up close. The evenings can be whoever the Sutherlands and you want to give tickets to.”
Jesse unzips an oversized duffel bag and begins placing clothes in the small closet like he’s moving in. “I like that idea. What else is going on?”
Leaning back in the office chair, I raise an eyebrow at my brother’s odd morning activities in our office.
“You tell me. Why are you unpacking so much here?”
He looks at the duffel and smiles sheepishly.
“Oh. I guess I need to fill you in on things.” He clears his throat and places a stack of T-shirts on a shelf.
“I hired a nanny. I want Maise to get used to waking up without me. So I come here super early, and I figured I’d just keep clothes and stuff here so I don’t forget anything.
Katrina isn’t coming back, and I need to get back on the circuit soon.
So….” He turns towards me with his arms outstretched. “Here I am.”
“What do you mean, she’s not coming back?”
He slumps on the sofa across from me. “She sent me a letter from her lawyer giving me full custodial rights and divorce papers. She’s still Maise’s mother, but she says she can’t handle the stress of motherhood.
I can’t say I understand the decision.” Jesse swallows hard.
“She’s left us, bro. This time it’s for good. ”
“Jesse…I’m so sorry. Is she getting help?”
I knew their marriage was in trouble, but I never thought she was in so much distress that she’d leave her child.
“Yeah. That’s the only bright spot. She’s in some kind of centre, I guess? I feel guilty, though. Maise won’t understand.” Jesse swallows. “I can give her better than we had. I know it, but we’ve got bumpy times ahead.”
“Maise will have her dad, uncles, and grandpas. She won’t lack any love, Jesse.
It’s not your fault Katrina isn’t well. Maybe she’ll come back to Maise in the future, and they can still know each other.
I know it’s hard, but I believe Katrina is doing what she thinks is best for Maise. She loves that kid.”
It would be different if Katrina just vanished or was mean, but she’s not like that. Jesse and Katrina were crazy in love, but even I noticed something wasn’t right when she was pregnant. She hasn’t been the same since, and I know she tried to make it all work, but sometimes brains don’t cooperate.
“I just wanted to give my daughter what I didn’t have, you know?”
The silence sits between us. As two teenagers adopted from less-than-perfect families, I know what he’s saying, and I want that for her too, but Maise has more than we ever did already at her age.
“She’s already so loved, Jesse. Way more than we experienced at her age. She’ll be okay.”
He nods, and for the first time in a long time, I see Jesse really sad. It breaks my heart not to see a smile on his face.
“Sometimes when I read her a story at bedtime, I think of you, you know. Remember when we first met and shared a room? You asked me how I could read so much every night.”
My smile is fond. “I remember. You said reading takes you to better places and helps you sleep away reality. Then I told you I had a reading disability, and you just read out loud one night.”
“The Hardy Boys House on the Cliff.” Jesse smiles.
“Yep. I thought their adventures were so cool. I loved listening to you read.”
His smile falters. “That’s what Maise always says. Read it again, Daddy. Do the voice, Daddy.” He runs a hand over his face. “Tell me it will work out, Warren. I’m not a bad husband and father. I know that. It’s just another bad thing I’ll get past, right?”
“It will, Jesse. We’ve made our own families, and this will work out.”
His exhale is shaky. “Enough about this. Your first rodeo with Dane went well.” He grimaces. “I’m sorry about his trailer, though. That’s so bizarre.”
“Yeah, I know. I talked to Pops about it and how Dane doesn’t want to report it. Pops said to ask him if he knows who did it. Isn’t that weird?”
Jesse nods before standing to brew himself a coffee from our machine in the corner. “Do you think Dane might know?”
Dane was never on my list of favourite people, and if he rubbed me the wrong way before, who’s saying he didn’t make enemies with others? Although slashing tires feels extreme. I didn’t hate him that much. Hell, I let him siphon my gas when he might not have even needed it.
“I’m not sure.”
Jesse turns towards me, mug in hand, and a single eyebrow raised.
“What?”
He stares at me a moment longer before sitting on the sofa again. Our office environment is nothing but relaxed and I’m grateful for it. My brother’s gaze, though, makes me squirm, and I focus back on the stack of mail.
“Are we using the same plow service this winter? They’re offering a 10% discount if we commit early,” I say as I set the letter on top of the previous donation letter.
“Sure.” Jesse remains silent for a beat, and so do I.
“Whenever you want to unload, I’ll listen.
” He stands again, chugging his coffee so fast I fear for the inside of his mouth.
“I have steers showing up, and Dad said he’d be my hazer today.
Two other wrestlers booked time as well, so my morning is full. ”
Jesse has a rotation of hazers. Sometimes he doesn’t even have one when he arrives at a rodeo. He just shows up and finds a cowboy who can ride for him from another event. It works for Jesse, though, and Dad loves it when he gets to ride with him.
I could never work with Dad team roping, and steer wrestling wasn’t my thing.
Too much anxiety with him so close and as my partner.
I’m happy Jesse doesn’t have the same issues I have, though.
I’m also happy he’s not pressing for more information about Dane because I still haven’t processed it all myself.
“Okay, I’ll get some admin done here, then I’m probably gonna hit the gym. Have a good session.”
Once Jesse leaves, I pull out my phone and stare at the message Dane sent last night.
I’m home.
That’s it, which is all I asked for, but I also sort of hoped maybe he would talk more, even though I hate texting. There’s something there he wants to say. I can feel it because I’ve been there. There’s no way I’ll press him on it unless it interferes with rodeo, though.
Which I hope it doesn’t. If I’d have done better in tie-down, it would have been just as big a payday as Dane had. Which really has me scratching my head at how he can’t afford tires when he just won $2500. Sure, it doesn’t go as far as it used to, but surely he has emergency money?
To be fair, it’s easier for me to load our horses at the ranch and have him leave his truck there, so I shouldn’t really pry. As shitty as it is, it’s benefited me.
After inputting a few invoices into the accounting system and paying our hydro bill, I leave a note on the pile for Jesse and gather my things to head to the gym.
I pause at the rodeo ring to watch my brother and dad.
A smile forms as I watch them together. Dad gestures to Jesse, and I can tell he’s talking about planting his foot before twisting the steer.
It’s a business meeting between son and father, and when Dad looks up to find me watching, he waves big and smiles.
I wave back before turning away, wondering what exactly his idea of retirement is, since he’s been here almost as much as when he ran the place.
The afternoon sun is warm as I walk to my truck and head to the gym. It’s been too long since I’ve properly conditioned my body, and maybe that’s why I wasn’t that sharp in tie-down last weekend.
The parking lot is mostly empty, and I grab my duffel bag from the back seat before locking my truck and heading inside.
I nod to the woman at the front desk before scanning my card and heading for the change room.
It always smells like the worst kind of cleaning solution in here, but at least I know it’s clean.
Unlike some gyms with their mildew shower curtains and stained floors. No, this gym is clean, and I’m so caught up in my thoughts about cleaning products that I don’t notice when a person opens the locker right next to mine.
“What are you working on today?”
Dane’s smooth voice, the one that usually irritates me, does something unexpected this time. A low burn in my gut has me shifting to face him, and I wish I hadn’t. Dane’s chest is on full display as he strips off his T-shirt. My eyes drop to the faded scar near his ribs before trailing back up.
His gaze meets mine, and his tongue pokes between his lips. I cannot look away, and the moment is more awkward the longer it lasts. Then I remember he asked me a question.
“Just, ah, doing some weights and agility stuff. Burpees probably. Might bike.” God, I sound like a loser, and Dane’s eyes sparkle with glee.
“Sounds fascinating, Burke. Do you always have such a well-thought-out workout plan?”
“Shut up, Walker.” I finish changing, pushing him out of my thoughts and half turning my back to him. He’s so hot and cold, it’s frustrating.
A sudden intake of breath causes me to still.