19. Dane
Warren shouldn’t be so kind.
Or kissable.
Fuck, he’s so sweet, and I know his life wasn’t roses. I made far too many assumptions about him, but I can’t help wanting to feel the affection that he offers me so freely. I don’t deserve it, but it soothes me in ways I don’t understand.
His fingers slide through my hair, and he hooks one of his legs over mine, pinning me to him.
“Dane,” my name from his lips is breathy against mine. His fingers tug at my hair, forcing me to pull away slightly. Squeezing my eyes closed, I hope it hides how desperate I am to just have him hold me for a while. “What’s wrong?”
I don’t want to speak because I don’t trust my voice. Instead, I release a trembling breath and bury my face against his neck. Warren’s hands go to my back again, soothing me like he did before and right now, that’s all I want.
After several moments, his fingertips gently brushing my spine, it’s Warren who speaks. “I’m not complaining, Dane, but you’re kinda heavy, and I need to pee.”
“Sorry,” I mutter. Rolling off him, I stand to head towards my bed, and he grabs my arm.
“Don’t. Stay in mine?”
“Okay.”
“Be right back.”
Warren disappears into the tiny bathroom, and after the door closes, I whoosh all the air out of my lungs. Sleeping next to Warren Burke and feeling his touch are all I crave right now.
Sliding under the covers, I wait for his return with an alarming neediness.
I can’t be this addicted to him. Not with Henry around, and not with me being responsible for Darla.
I already lost one tie-down competition, and while it wasn’t the biggest payout, every dollar matters.
I can’t let myself be distracted by…fucking feelings I’ve kept stomped down for years.
The bathroom door opens, and Warren is stripping out of his pajama pants to slide in behind me. After pulling me against him, he feathers a kiss against my neck.
“Is this all you need tonight?”
“Yeah.” I want to say more. I want to tell him how something as simple as sharing a bed with a warm body makes me feel less alone. How much he settles me.
“Goodnight, Dane.”
“Goodnight.”
Taking his hand and pulling his arm tight across my chest, I lie awake for a while. New worries swirl in my brain now.
All of them around Warren.
“I’m so happy to get back to my bed for a few nights. The camper should be fixed for our next run, though. That will make it easier for us. Sometimes finding places for the horses overnight is a royal pain.”
Warren’s fingers tap the steering wheel as he drives. Our last rodeo on this road trip was our best. We won the team roping event by a decent margin, and I shook out my previous nerves and beat him in tie down…again. It’s been a long trip, but several thousand dollars go a long way.
“Yeah, that might be nice.”
“Oh, it will be. That thing is a sweet setup. Nice bed too. Better than any other hotels.”
“Right.”
The closer we get to Kissing Ridge, the more nervous I get. I left my truck at Warren’s, so I shouldn’t be coming home to damage this time. I called Darla yesterday to tell her I’d see her soon, and she was her usual sunshine self.
The only unknown is where Henry will show his face next and how much I can give him to keep him away.
“Hey, you said you were depositing our winnings in the joint account, right?”
“Yep! I love depositing cheques by phone.” Warren laughs, and I force a smile.
“The last rodeo said it’s an e-transfer and it should be there by tomorrow.
If you need to take what you need before that, go ahead.
I rarely do anything with rodeo money until the season is over, so it doesn’t matter to me. ”
I know he’s not saying that to be a jerk, but it still makes me angry to hear how easily he talks about money. I should be happy that he doesn’t need it, and I don’t have to wait.
“Okay. I’ll check on Darla and see if she needs anything.”
Warren smiles and glances at me. “She has a great big brother. Does she have any favourite things? Is there something she always asks for?”
This time, I laugh for real. “That girl is addicted to Rolos. When we were kids, she used to save her allowance and buy as many as she could at once. My mom would just roll her eyes and tell her not to eat them all before dinner.”
“Well, it’s hard to save chocolate. I can relate. Do you see your parents often?”
The lightness from talking about Darla evaporates instantly.
“No. They’re dead.”
“Shit, Dane. I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have asked.”
“It’s fine. You didn’t know.”
I know he wants to ask more, but I don’t have the energy to answer him right now and change the subject.
“You said the farrier is set to come to the ranch this week, right? While we’re home?”
“Yes, I think it’s Wednesday, but I’ll check with my dad. Do you want to be there when he comes?”
“Trigger is pretty good, but I wouldn’t mind since it’s a new place and person for her.”
“I’ll check before you leave tonight. My dads should still be awake when we get home.”
The rest of our trip is Warren humming along to the music on the radio while I do math in my head and feel increasingly melancholy about getting back home. There is no home for me after this week. If you could call my single room a home.
I gave my notice before we left. This week I’ll pack the few things I have into my truck and try to find free places to sleep for as long as possible.
Sleeping in Warren’s camper while we compete will feel like the ultimate luxury and I won’t even have to pay for a shower.
Hunter was right when he said this job comes with perks.
Some days, it feels like I can break free of all this bullshit in my life that seemed to set off once Darla had her accident.
If she wouldn’t have been hurt, mom wouldn’t have quit her job to care for her.
Dad wouldn’t have gone to that damn casino in desperation to keep the bills paid.
Both of them wouldn’t have died if I would have just been responsible.
But I wasn’t, and I’ll never abandon my sister.
Warren turns onto the dirt road leading to the ranch and I shake myself out of the gloom as the truck bumps along the road.
It’s early evening, and while I have my troubles, Warren seems to make me feel like anything is possible as he launches into telling me about a great field down the road that’s amazing for stargazing.
“I know you can see stars anywhere, but there’s something about that place. Maybe less light or…I’m no astrology person, but the sky feels more black, and the stars just explode. Know what I mean?”
“Maybe it’s one of those pockets where you’re in a little bubble without leaving. Like how it rains across the street, but your house is dry.”
“Yes!” he shouts with a laugh. “It’s a pocket. I’ll have to show you sometime.”
Pulling into the ranch, I don’t let the thought of stargazing with Warren Burke make me fuzzy. After he stops in front of the barn, I’m out of the truck and opening the horse trailer before Warren even gets his feet on the ground.
“You don’t have to rush.” He meets me at the back of the trailer, and I’m already between the horses and slipping a hand into Trigger’s halter.
“Not rushing. Just…” Just trying to keep myself from falling for you, and that requires space. Immediately.
“You want to get home. I get it.”
Warren steps back and lets me walk Trigger into the barn.
I think he tries to get it, but he doesn’t completely.
That’s only because he doesn’t know everything.
The clops of Petey’s hooves echo behind me as I usher Trigger into her stall.
I keep my head down and focused, grabbing a fresh pail of water for Petey while in the feed room because I’m not completely selfish.
Warren almost runs into me on my way out and I shove the bucket of water towards him. “I filled you one.”
“Oh. Thanks.”
I need to breathe air not shared with him and his lingering scent. Because he has one and I shouldn’t be surprised that he travels with a body wash that smells like fucking tangerines. All juicy and sweet and…I need space.
“Here you are, girl. I’ll be back soon, okay? You were amazing this week.” Trigger huffs and pushes me with her wet nose from drinking. “Be good.” With a final scratch to her ears, I think I’m home free until a familiar voice calls out.
“Boys? Do you need any help?”
Warren’s dad, Hunter, has entered the barn, and since he’s literally at the exit, it’s not like I can avoid him.
“Hey, Mr. Burke. I think we’re good. Trigger is already set, and I think Warren is, too.”
“Don’t call me Mister.” He scrunches his nose like the word disgusts him. “I told you that before. It’s Hunter.”
“Right. Sorry.”
Warren exits Petey’s stall and joins us. “What the hell are you wearing, Dad?”
Hunter looks down at the front of his body. Pajama bottoms are tucked into his cowboy boots, and his T-shirt is covered with a pattern of wiener dogs.
“It’s my wiener shirt! Get it? Cuz I love hot dogs?”
“It’s hideous.”
“Don’t insult my wieners. Pops bought it for me, so you better not say that in front of him.”
I let father and son rib each other and take a few steps towards the door, but Hunter notices.
“Don’t run out yet, Dane. I heard you two had a fucking amazing run last rodeo, and I want to talk about it.” Hunter turns to me and slaps me on the shoulder. “Do you like carrot cake? Gabe makes the best one. No raisins either.”
“Oh, I, ah…I should get going. I don’t want to impose more than I already have.”
“I invited you. There’s no imposing.” His gaze flicks to Warren and back to me. Nothing gets by this guy. “But if you want to get to your own bed, don’t let me keep you. Warren can fill me in.”
“I’ll see you tomorrow, Warren. Thanks again, Mr…ah, Hunter. I’ll take a rain check on the carrot cake.”
Then I practically run out of the barn to my truck.
The two of them cross the yard, and I think I’m home free. But I make the mistake of looking in my rearview mirror to find Warren standing on the porch and watching me leave.
Henry hasn’t materialized all week.
The longer he doesn’t pop up, the more agitated I become. Warren’s bank account with our joint winnings is a lot higher than it should be, and if I’m not mistaken, he’s been depositing his solo winnings in there, too. Just seeing the account balance makes me nervous.
I could give Henry a bigger sum and keep him off my back. Maybe. I know Warren said it’s okay, but the thought of using his money to pay off something he has no business being involved with doesn’t feel right.
Thank god Darla is paid for a few months still.
Compared to other years, I’m doing fantastic income-wise. With the Burkes letting me board Trigger and keep my only sponsorship money, it’s made a difference. But I really need a winter plan for income. This won’t work for much longer.
But before I browse the job boards, Warren asked for a practice session at the school before we head out for the next rodeo. It’s a two go-round rodeo with a bigger prize pool, and I’m actually looking forward to it. It’s hard not to be excited about the possibility of a large payout.
After parking at the school, I lock my truck and take two steps before freezing in place.
Henry leans against the corner of the building, like he’s been waiting for me.
His ugly face attempts a smile when my gaze meets his, and he reminds me of a shark.
All sharp teeth and too big eyes. Sneaky in the shadows.
“You’ve been hard to pin down this week, Dane. Makes me think you’ve been avoiding me.”
“I was hoping you might have dropped dead, actually.”
He clucks his tongue and steps closer. “You don’t mean that.”
“I kinda do.”
“I just talked to your partner. Nice guy. Would be a shame if something happened to him, don’t you think?”
Cold fear settles in my chest.
“Stay away from him.”
Henry takes two steps over until he’s in my face.
His voice drops, and the pleasant mask is long gone.
“Make a payment, Dane. If you know what’s good for you, don’t ever fucking tell me what to do.
I’m in control here, and I’ve given you more slack than anyone else because I genuinely liked you.
Be at the Hickory Barns lot in an hour. Cash. ”
Henry turns and walks away, and he’s barely out of sight when the creak of the main rodeo building sounds and Warren stands there. “Dane? Is everything okay?”
“Yeah, I just…I forgot about something I need to do. I’ll be back in a few.”
Turning quickly, I fumble with the handle on the truck and nearly jump out of my skin when Warren’s hand lands on my shoulder and spins me around.
“What is going on? You’re not fine.”
I’m not, and I hate how much concern and care shine in those dark eyes.
“It’s nothing.” I shrug off his hand and yank open my truck door. “I just forgot about something. I’ll be back.”
Warren steps away, and I rev my truck, peeling out of the parking lot.
For the second time, I leave Warren watching me in the rear-view mirror, and it breaks my heart.