37. Luca
LUCA
Of course I remember what I said to Ro all those years ago in a diner similar to the one we were just in. The conversation plays through my mind like it was yesterday.
“Now that we’re best friends, we should come up with a cool code word that only we know. You know, like we’re secret spies or something!”
“Oh, so we’re just best friends now? Just like that?”
“Yes, duh, of course. Code words are important between best friends. How abooout….pickle?”
Rose laughs. “Pickle? No, that is too ridiculous. Plus, I feel like I would use the word ‘pickle’ in my normal life since I love pickles. Aren’t code words something we would never normally say? So that if one of us says it, then we know things are serious?”
“Okay fine, then you pick. What’s something you would never say?”
“Hmm. How about ‘I’ll have decaf’? Because I would NEVER order decaf. It’s basically just hot bean water at that point.”
Laughing hysterically, I can barely respond. “Hot bean water? Oh my god, I’m dying! That is the best thing I’ve ever heard. Our code word is definitely ‘hot bean water’ now.”
“Ew, gross! Please pick something else!”
“No way! It’s too perfect! How about this…if either of us says ‘I’ll have decaf,’ then we know the other is serious about whatever is going on, and the other person has to say, ‘You mean hot bean water?’ to confirm they understand?”
Rose, rolling her eyes, gives in to the pressure. “Fine, but I don’t think we’ll ever have to use it. What’s the worst that could happen to a couple of teenagers?”
“We won’t be teenagers forever, Ro. We’re besties for life now. And we have a lot of life to live.”
That is the first day I ever called her “Ro,” and she later told me it was the first time someone had ever given her a nickname. And from then on, she only wanted me to call her that. Until recently, I guess.
I lied to her tonight when I said I didn’t remember that conversation.
I’d never forget the first promise I made to the only person I’d ever loved.
What’s crazy is, I didn’t even truly know her at that point.
We had just met earlier that day. But something about her aura and presence made me fall instantly, not to mention she was so beautiful it hurt to look at her sometimes, knowing I couldn’t touch her like I wanted to.
Hearing her call me Lucy again has unlocked the emotions I’ve tried my best to bury these past few years, and I don’t think I want to lock them away anymore. Driving back to the rental I’m staying at in a nearby town, my thoughts drift to another time and another goodbye similar to tonight’s.
High School Graduation - Fifteen Years Ago
“See you later, Lucy.”
“Bye, Rosey.”
What Ro doesn’t realize is I’m not just saying goodbye until we meet up after graduation, but I’m saying goodbye for what might be the last time.
I’m supposed to get on a train right after I walk across the stage to accept my diploma.
I already have the train ticket in my email.
Several tickets actually, since I won’t know which destination I’m supposed to take until I receive the final communication after graduation.
My instructions were clear, and the consequences for not following the orders I received would not only hurt me but also Ro.
Part of me wanted to say fuck graduation and just grab Ro and run.
She would’ve gone with me without question.
We could change our names and move every couple months until they stop looking for us and then find some place to settle down and live out the rest of our lives together.
I’m not so young and naive to believe they wouldn’t eventually find us, though.
If they found Ro after all those years, they would find us, and I can’t fathom what the punishment for my disobedience would be.
I’ll just have to find another way out of this situation when I have time to learn more about how the organization operates, and then I can come up with a plan.
I will come back for Ro. I just hope she will be waiting.
As I hear my name called and I walk across the stage to accept my diploma, I take one extra second to look out into the crowd.
I always know how to hone in on Ro, and tonight is no different.
As soon as I take the rolled-up paper signifying my completion of high school, my eyes find Ro’s beaming face in the crowd.
I wait two heartbeats before I give her a wink and start walking down the stairs off the stage and down the side as if I am making my way back to my seat, several rows behind her.
What she doesn’t realize is that this is the last time she will see my face and see the Luc she has come to know.
If our paths ever cross again in the future, I have a sinking suspicion that I won’t be the same, and neither will she.
This decision will change the trajectory of my life forever.
The only thing I know for sure that will never change is the love I have for her.
I will always do whatever is necessary to protect her life and her happiness, even at the cost of my own.
Lost in memories of the past, the drive passes by in a blink, and before I know it, I’m pulling up to the house I’m staying in while working this job.
This is starting to feel less like a job, however, and more like another crossroads that will determine my future, just like the night of graduation.
I still don’t know if I made the right decision by leaving, but I can make the right decision this time around.
I just have to be careful with how I go about it.
My reports on Ro have been fairly surface-level to date, so hopefully, it won’t draw suspicion if the details of our interactions remain professional.
My boss never has to know the true motivations behind taking this job and the lengths I’ve gone to hide my feelings for Ro.
I would have never been allowed to take this project if not.