Chapter 8
The days were getting warmer and harder. Harder because I still had to leave the house and chase Grimbalt down, and because now I had to fear too that Rose would do something reckless. Like go to the city. I was torn between staying and watching her, or chasing devils.
They were also getting better, though. Because now and then, the sun would come out. Whenever a ray slithered its way inside, Rose and I looked at each other and rushed out. I was sure our odd behavior caught Mother's and Snow's curiosity, but neither said anything.
Rose and I would rush as far from the cottage as we could, me staying in the shadows, her grabbing a pair of leather breeches she had sewn for me and kept hidden on the porch.
We’d run until we found a secluded spot with enough sun coming through for me to change into Derrick.
The more often I transformed, the faster it went, but it was never easy.
"I hate having to watch you go through this pain," Rose said one day, holding out the pants.
I took them, put them on, while promising her, "I don't mind it. I'd take any pain if it means I get to kiss you, hold you, talk to you."
As soon as I was somewhat dressed, she turned around and stepped in front of me. She put both of her palms on each side of my head, her crystal eyes clear with her feelings for me. "It's a steep price."
"Not to me," I rasped, already lost in her nearness, unable to resist pulling her closer, resting my chin on top of her head.
Just feeling her in my arms was worth more torture than I had to go through.
I would walk over lava for her. I would take hot fire arrows if it meant keeping her. "I love you."
The words slipped out before I could stop them, words that had lingered on my tongue all winter, in every stolen hour we shared. They pressed at me like steam against a sealed lid, until at last, I couldn’t contain them any longer, and they spilled free, unstoppable.
She stilled in my arms. Her tiny hands pressed against my chest until I loosened my hold, just enough for her to tilt her face up to mine.
Her pupils had widened so far, they swallowed nearly all the blue, leaving only a bright, crystal halo around the edges.
Her lips parted, trembling, then curved upward.
“You… love me?”
I nodded and pushed the words through my throat that felt raw from emotion. “I do. With all my heart, with my soul, with every breath and every beat of my heart. No matter if I’m man or beast, I love you, Rose Red. From now until the end of the world.”
“Oh, Derrick.” Her smile bloomed, brighter than the firelight, brighter than the thawing sun. I’d seen her smile before—mischievous, stubborn, defiant—but this one was radiant. It was brilliant. It was blinding. “I love you too.”
The words struck through me like a sword, sharp and dazzling. For a heartbeat, I couldn’t breathe. She loved me. She loved me. Not the bear, not the protector she teased, not the cursed creature who haunted her hearth—me. Derrick.
It was too much. Too much and not nearly enough. I had braced my whole life for claws, for curses, for grief carved into stone, and instead, she gave me this—this impossible gift.
My chest ached as if my ribs couldn’t contain it. It was joy so fierce it hurt, joy I’d never dared to hope for, joy I knew I didn’t deserve. And yet she offered it freely, like it was the most natural thing in the world.
I bent my head, pressing my brow to hers, clinging to her as though she were the only solid thing left in a world built of snow and shadows. “You’ve given me a miracle,” I whispered. My voice shook, but I didn’t care. “And I’ll spend the rest of my life protecting it. Protecting you.”
She didn’t answer in words. She didn’t have to. Her fingers slid up to lace through mine, and her mouth found mine again, tender and sure, sealing her promise with the only truth that mattered.
Soon, that kiss wasn't enough anymore. Our hands grew greedy and daring.
I loved the way her hands felt as they explored my skin, my chest, and my arms, and I loved the feel of her skin under my hands.
The way her fragile body pressed against me, so full of trust. It wouldn't have taken much effort on my part to squeeze the life out of her; hell, I probably wouldn't have even broken a sweat. That thought scared me, even without Magnus’ alarmed roar in the back of my head.
"Rose," I pulled back, taking a deep breath. "Rose."
She ignored my calls; instead, her feverish lips trailed hot kisses down my neck, by my ear, and I groaned. I would have never, in a million years, thought that just her lips by my ear could send my cock to the stratosphere. But it did. Oh God, did it ever.
I finally had to grab her arms and pull her back, "Rose."
Her eyes were glossy with desire, a desire I wanted nothing more than to reciprocate; hell, my body was on fire, my cock stiffer than it had ever been. But my mind kept screaming at me to hold back. I couldn't risk hurting her. Not for this. Not for anything.
Finally, the fact that I was restraining her penetrated her mind; her eyes looked at me first in surprise, then in shock, "Don't… don't you want me?"
Tears threatened to spill. Tears on my proud Rose were more than I could stomach. "Not want you? You? Gods, I want you more than I want to keep breathing, Rose. You're driving me insane."
"Then…?" She looked at me in confused question.
"Rose. I could hurt you. I don't want to hurt you." I managed to press out. Hearing those words from my own lips brought the truth home even more.
"What do you mean? You would never hurt me." She protested, just like I thought she would.
"You're right. I never would." Neither would I, stormed Magnus in my head, but I shut him down.
As if she'd heard him, Rose echoed his words, "Magnus would never hurt me either."
I had made the mistake of telling her what I called the bear, and she liked it.
"Rose, you don't understand. He is a wild beast." I am not. Don't tell her that. I would never hurt her.
Shut. Up.
Stubbornly, she shook her head. "He. Would. Never. Hurt. Me."
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, bringing our foreheads together so that they touched. I couldn't look at her without wanting her just as desperately as Magnus did. "I can't risk it."
As a matter of fact, right now, it seemed safer if Magnus took control and Derrick never resurfaced again.
The man's desires were just too much. I wasn't sure if I could resist her a second time.
Even now, I felt the faint press of her breasts against my chest, my overstimulated senses honed in on the rapid beat of her heart, her swollen lips, her warm breath. I even scented her arousal.
"Forgive me, Rose, I can't." I cried out. Unable to help myself, I pulled her against me and claimed her lips one more time in a hot, searing kiss that nearly severed the last shreds of my remaining willpower, before I ripped myself from her.
"Derrick!"
The scream of my name from her lips tore through me. Shattered my heart into a thousand pieces, piercing my soul. I began to run. Away from her.
"Derrick, don't you dare!" She shouted in a breaking voice that stomped on the shattered pieces some more. I slowed. "Derrick!"
I closed my eyes and saw her battered body in front of me. No! No! I couldn't risk hurting her. I wasn't sure what that beast inside me was capable of. Hell, just a shadow could make me turn into a beast. What if I were inside her when that happened? No!
I began to run again, faster and faster, my body spasming and hurting as it changed forms, the pants Rose had sewn for the man in me ripped just like my heart. My breaking heart hurt even more than the physical pain of changing. And I kept moving, something I had never done before.
All the while, the shattered cry of my name followed me through the trees, "Derrick!"