6. Roseland
Roseland
Istand under the tree, apart from the group, from the pack that I swore I was different from, that it killed me to stay away from.
The me that existed just a few short months ago is gone; how quickly the stagnancy of time suddenly speeds up and changes everything all at once.
I was a fighter for good. Right and wrong mattered.
She was a ghost who appeared on days when I thought I’d dreamed her, and he was a passing moment that I couldn’t grasp.
Now, it’s real, I can taste them, touch them, smell them, lose them.
The fear of what may happen churns my stomach and turns my nightmares into blood-drenched dreams that wake and keep me awake long into the night.
Suddenly, right ends up protecting the monster who shattered my omega and wrong is a group of alphas who will do anything to protect her, and it’s me against the oaths I took when I swore my life to the city.
Pix was correct. Right and wrong is a non-existent line, the world is full of shades of colour, and I will dance across all the lines to keep them safe.
Sage is moving around the clearing, and he’s not saying a word, but I can hear everything he said to me when he found me.
The whispered declaration that had my whole self alive with electricity, that melted my brain and heart, that destroyed my intent and determination to keep them at arm’s length.
To hold them in a place of safety because if some of us are alive, isn’t that better than none of us?
No, being together even for a minute is worth it.
I try and picture my life on the force, my job, the apartment I rented, the shitty cubicle that was mine. I can see it, smell it, but it no longer feels real. It’s like a dream I conjured, one that doesn’t fit my life anymore.
I am remade and sinking fast.
They are my lifeline, holding me above water.
Dove laughs, and it pains me as much as it lifts me. I want to put my hand to her face and see Raven staring back at me. I want to hear the cadence of her voice, the slightly cynical laughter she lets out so freely when she says something cuttingly clever.
My throat tightens.
Guilt and regret. Those have become my constant companions. Guilt because I want to see Raven, and I know Dove is here for a reason, and she needs us. She’s starved of attention, you can see it in everything she does. She is flourishing under our care and protection.
And regret. So much regret.
Why didn’t I get there sooner? Why didn’t I find him? Stop him? Why couldn’t I have reached Kestrel or Merle? If I had been faster, stronger, smarter…
If I hadn’t been so fixed on doing what was right.
My moral compass is shattered on that cottage floor. Lost somewhere between the kitchen where we held down Dove and drugged her so we could treat the wounds she couldn’t feel, and the bedroom where she screamed for us to save her.
I killed a man four weeks ago.
I haven’t told anyone. He was taking pictures of Dove. I lured him into the forest, wrapped my fingers around his neck, and squeezed. It was surprisingly easy to take his life. It was faster than I assumed it would be.
When he was dead, I didn’t feel regret nor shame. I didn’t feel anything but relief that Dove would be safe.
I buried him in a shallow grave.
I am just like them now? And I can’t find it in me to regret it.
“Rose?”
Her sweet voice chases away the dark thoughts, and I smile as I walk towards her, shoving all my stress to where she won’t ever see it.
“Hey, sweetie. Ready to go again?”
“My legs hurt.”
“Ah, well, the good thing about having so many best friends is that we can just get one of the big ones to carry you.”
Her beautiful eyes get wide like I’ve offered her the moon.
“King looks good, doesn’t he? He is also nimble as a goat.”
She giggles and holds her hand out. I take it and lead her to King.
“Can you carry Dove? She needs a big, strong goat to get her around all nimble-like.”
He grins. “Course, I can. Why else have I got such big shoulders?”
Dove squeaks. “A piggyback?”
He lifts her onto his back, and we start moving again.
The silence is thick, no one really speaks as we move along the half hidden trail, getting further and further away from civilization.
It drags on until I suddenly pay attention, my instincts screaming at me.
It’s weird. The silence is so unusual for Dove, and that’s why it alerts me.
I whip around, staring at King and the woman on his back.
Tears run down her cheeks, but it’s her expression that has me taking a halting step towards her. Adult. Pained. This isn’t a child.
“Merle?” I whisper.
King stops, his expression turning stricken. He shakes visibly and carefully pulls her from his back. He crouches, taking her face in his giant hands as I arrive, staring into her distress. “Baby?”
She nods her head.
King and I wrap her in a hug at the same time.
She came back. Oh, my god, she actually came back. The relief is so strong my legs get weak, and I have to let go of her and sit down.
“Merle!” Rolly shouts and pulls her away from King, squeezing her in a hug that envelopes her. King joins them, but I just stare.
Merle is back. I didn’t break them.
Blaze and Sage take their turns, gently but lovingly cuddling her while she clings to them. My pulse is thundering. I step towards the omega, wondering if she hates me. If she will blame me.
The alphas peel away, and it’s just me and Daega. He stands beside me as if he’s waiting for judgment, and it feels like it.
“We didn’t reach you in time,” I say bluntly, flatly.
She trembles.
“I’m sorry,” Daega says the words that we are both screaming.
She shakes her head and swipes at her tears before rushing towards us, her arms outstretched to bring us both into her. She’s soft and real, and the scent of her is intoxicating and sweet. Dove’s distinct lack of scent has been driving me nuts, but this omega is full-scented and familiar.
Her fingers stroke the back of my neck, teasing my hair. Her lips press against my cheek. I turn my mouth to hers. Kissing her lightly, impulsively. She responds instantly. It’s a quick kiss, little more than a peck, but it’s everything to me.
I feel like I’ve aged a million years.
Rolly bounces down the path, while she’s staring into Daega’s face, stroking his cheeks. They don’t communicate in words; it’s all gestures and whatever secrets their eyes hold.
Everything is worth it to know that we got them out. Merle is back, which means the rest should be there. Raven is back. Kestrel.
The urgency, the almost evil need to shake Merle and demand information on the others, presses on me, but I shove it back, knowing it will do nothing but hurt her.
“We have to keep going,” Blaze says, interrupting our little meeting.
Merle looks up and meets his eyes. I don’t know what he sees in her, but it has him gritting his teeth and reaching for his pack. I grab mine from where I abandoned it and swing it up on my shoulders, pausing only to watch her press close to King, staring up at him.
Whatever wordless commune they are having, it is theirs and theirs alone.
Rolly gets everyone moving, then he and Daega disappear as they double back to check our tracks and make sure we aren’t being followed.
Blaze and Sage are ahead of us, picking the trail, which leaves me with King and Merle.
I can feel her watching me, and as much as I want to ignore her gentle summons, it’s Merle, and I can’t.
She’s staring at me. She can’t possibly know, yet it feels like she does. Like I can’t hide it. I need to confess to her. So she knows who I am.
“I killed someone.”
She flinches.
“I killed them because they were bad men.” My voice hardens with resolve. “They were trying to get to Dove.”
She makes a sound in the back of her throat.
King is watching me, too, now.
“I will kill them all,” I vow to her.
She rests her head on King’s shoulder, still staring at me, but I think she’s smiling. I can’t see her smile, but I can feel it.
If I can make her happy, then everything is okay. It’s all worth it. I can find my center, and this can be right. Perhaps my moral compass just needs to be reset a bit.
We walk in silence, and then we reach the rafts. It’s getting darker, but Sage and Blaze work in tandem, pulling a raft out and dragging it to the river.
Merle stands with her arms wrapped around herself, looking too small. Too scared. Too traumatised. Everything in me wants to scoop her up, drag her into my arms, and make it all go away.
I vividly remember the cuts on her back and Dove’s trusting eyes as I gently cleaned what she couldn’t feel. Every day, twice a day, she just smiled while I tried not to throw up on her. I’d wondered who I was hurting, even though, deep down, a part of me knew it was most probably Kestrel.
Rolly and King climb into the raft, arranging all the bags, then Daega jumps in, Blaze, and finally, it’s just me, Merle, and Sage.
She inhales deeply, and her shoulders shift, her body stance is different. I’m staring at her from behind, but I know, I just know someone else took over. Who?
“Hey, baby,” Raptor purrs, shifting her hips with a seductive sway as she leaps right into Pix’s arms and kisses him hard.
He growls into her mouth and pulls her down so she’s straddling him. When they pull apart, they are both panting, but the tension between us alphas is feral.
Sage lets out a deep sound, and her head snaps towards him, focusing in. Zeroing in.
“Hello, my little trained killer,” she purrs and stands up, pulling herself free as Sage wraps his arms around her.
“We’ve missed you, Raptor,” Sage says hoarsely. He pulls back, cupping her cheeks. “Are you okay?”
Her expression darkens. “It was a trap. They knew we were coming. We didn’t have a chance. Fuckers.”
I let out a deep sound that rivals a grizzly’s growl.
She frees herself, reaching back over her shoulder, feeling the tender flesh. “Fucking Kestrel, you don’t have to do everything alone!”
She searches the raft arrogantly, her fingers sliding through Rolly’s hair, yanking his head back so they are almost mouth to mouth. Their kiss is fierce and passionate. And then she’s wrapped around King.
“Where are we going?” she asks when they come up for air.
“You’re going into heat,” Blaze says, watching as she paces to him, reaching up and spreading her fingers along his chest. She kisses the small exposed V of flesh on his chest.
She tears her mouth free and scowls. “What?”
“You or the alters, some of you are going into a heat. So, by the smell of it, is he.”
Her gaze snaps between Pix and Blaze. “Well, shit.”
I snort a laugh, and she approaches as if she’d forgotten that I even existed. I’m not afraid of her, but I am cautious. So very careful. This alter will stab me, no questions asked.
“You came for us. I remember hearing her call for you.”
I swallow hard, remembering those moments in the dark and Dove’s cries.
“You saved us and kept her safe, Aaron.” I’ve never heard this alter speak so gently.
She lifts a hand, and her cold fingers that feel so different from Merle, Raven, Dove, and Kestrel, stroke my cheek. It’s seductive but kind, aggressive in its gentility, and somehow strong enough to make my knees weak.
“There isn’t a single alter in here that doesn’t love you, Aaron Roseland. You killed to save us and fight to keep us free, you gave up your career and your omega for us. I won’t hurt you, not now, not ever. You belong to us, and we are yours.”
My eyes close as I lean closer, our foreheads touch, and I just inhale her scent, slightly spicy, slightly darker.
“I’m so glad you are okay,” I whisper. “I was worried…I thought…”
“That we were gone? No, we’re here, just recovering. Come on, let’s go be pirates.”
I’m so startled by her sudden change of conversation that I burst out laughing before I can stop.
I swing up into the boat, and Blaze shoves us off from the rocks. She doesn’t sit; she stands in the middle, legs spread wide, riding the waves and currents. Letting out whoops and hollers.
Not a one of us is going to stop her.
She stands there and tilts her head back and just screams. It’s long and loud and leaves me shivering. The joy has changed.
The rage.
The pain, there’s so much in her. She’s the strongest, the most aggressive, the angriest, but she’s just as hurt as the others.
Sage is up, wrapping himself around her. When she whirls in his arms, sobbing into his chest, he jumps out of the raft and walks into the forest where no one else can see. We bank the raft and sit and wait.
In silence.
Watching, pretending we aren’t hurting for them.
“I’ve never…I don’t know how to help,” Rolly says hoarsely.
“We just be here,” I say quietly. “Keep them safe, be what they need.”
I look around at this group as we pull the raft up on the bank, the huge alphas, so violent and strong.
Daega, the violence fairly dripping from him.
We are a mix that is unlikely, blended, melded together because of one omega who is more wounded than any creature I’ve ever met.
One who refuses to bend, refuses to break.
An omega we could love.
Who the fuck are we to walk away from her?
“No one touches her again,” I vow when I hear Raptor scream again. The hair on my neck raises, and it takes everything in me to stay where I am and not race into the forest and find her, crowd her.
They all need different things. Raptor needs a safe place to let out her fury and hurt. Sage is the best equipped to deal with that; we all recognise it.
Daega’s fingers slide in between mine, and I don’t shake him off. I squeeze them back because there’s no fighting this, not any longer.
We’re pack now.
Whatever happens…we’ll do it together.