50. Raptor
Raptor
Isteal out of the house and walk out into the night air, sitting down on the porch of our rented property out in the middle of nowhere. It’s okay, but it's not quite right for us. But it’s right for this. I close my eyes, and I go into our inner chamber.
It feels different now, brighter.
She is the coldness, the cruelty, the savageness to protect those we love, to protect ourselves. But she’s the protectiveness, the absolute love and all of our caring rolling into one flaming person.
Flames flicker along her throne, but the glowing red form of the woman encased in feathered flames has her eyes closed and her chin on her chest. For all intents and purposes, she appears to have gone back to sleep.
Like she was just here to save us when we would have broken, and now she’s gone back into her eternal slumber.
When we might have faltered, when the cracks became too big, she was there.
But then, she has always been there; we were just not aware of her.
Haven’t we always had a fire in us? Haven’t we always fought when we should have given up?
We loved so deeply and cared so much that a burning desire for justice, freedom, love, and hope burned at our heart.
Yeah, she’s always been here.
I turn and find Dove sitting on Jay’s lap, her head pressed against his chest. She’s smiling. I don’t know that I’ve ever seen her smile before. Not with true happiness and peace. Something about it makes me feel scared.
Merle stares at me when I turn to her, and her eyes soften. I don’t think she will ever speak, she is too enmeshed with the trauma that happened to Callea, but she looks at peace.
When I turn again, it’s Kestrel who is hollowed out. Tears track slowly down her cheeks, and her grief is a living, breathing agony in the air around us.
She will carry our pain.
As she always does.
But maybe now we can share it with her. She won’t have to suffer alone.
She lifts her head and meets my gaze. “We will be okay.”
“I know we will,” I say back. I hesitate. The chamber seems warmer than usual. “I don’t want to disappear, not yet, maybe not ever.”
“Then, we won’t. Until we need to,” Raven says and stands up, walking towards me. “We will stay.”
Kestrel comes to meet us in the middle of the chamber, then Merle joins us.
“We might sleep,” Jay says quietly, surprising us. “We will be here, but maybe less. You don’t need us anymore.”
I look at Dove and realise she has fallen asleep in his arms. Panic hits me hard.
“Jay?” I say through a throat thick with emotion.
“We’re free…it’s time to explore all the possibilities of who we can be. You have so much to look forward to.”
“But…”
“We will visit,” Jay says. “Until you don’t need us.
And one day, you won’t, and you won’t remember the last time you saw us, but we are here, in this chamber, in the darkness of ourselves.
You might not see us, but you will know we are part of Merle Kestrel.
We’ve gone home; we are safe. So, don’t you cry when that day comes.
You just remember how hard we fought and that each step towards that happiness isn’t less of us but more. ”
He reaches up to his chest and then carefully removes that gold key that’s sitting around his neck. “I have a present for us. It’s time.”
He holds out the key until I slip over to him and take it.
“What is it?”
“It’s healing. And a reward.”
Jay closes his eyes, sits back, going still and heavy.
I look back at Merle, Kestrel, and Raven.
“We still have tasks. We’re not going anywhere,” Kestrel says to my rising panic.
I see a door right beside Jay and Dove. A beautiful blue door with gold painting in elegant swirls. It calls to me so intensely that I can’t ignore it.
It doesn’t feel bad, it feels exciting and happy.
We walk towards it. I reach out, my hand holding the cold metal of the knob before I turn it sharply.
The door creaks open.
“Good morning, my darling.”
I stare up at the face of the man I know and love more than any other.
“Daddy!”
He lifts me out of bed and holds me up, pretending I’m an airplane.
“Time to get up and get ready, Tallie.”
He sets me down and ruffles my hair, then goes to the drawers and pulls out clothes. I bounce across the room to Callie and hug her.
She signs that she’s excited for today. I sign back saying me, too.
“Darling, we’re going to be late.”
I look up and see my mum. She’s got the same colouring as us, but with wide hips and this softness. When Mum smiles, she makes everyone else smile. She’s leaning on the door frame, smiling at us, but in her hands are our school bags. It’s our first day, and we are excited and scared.
“My girls, are you ready for today?”
I look at Callea.
“Yes, Mum,” I say. “We are.”
Dad stops at a drive-through and buys us breakfast. When we get to the school, he comes in with us, smiling at the teachers and shaking their hands.
School is fun. I love it. Callie doesn’t love it as much, but she doesn’t speak, and it’s made some of the kids weird. That’s okay, I’ll speak for us.
Mum picks us up and brings us home.
After dinner, Dad brings out a cake with candles.
“Happy Birthday to you,” he sings loudly as he lowers the cake to the table.
Callie grabs my hands and grins. I hold hers tight, smiling back.
We’re five, and life is wonderful.
“We love you, Mummy and Daddy,” I say for Callie and myself.
We had a name. We have a name. Tallea Gates. I was five, and I had parents who loved me and a life.
I had a name.
I had a birthday.
I was normal once. We were normal.
We could have been anything.
“But we wouldn’t have met them if we had,” I say out loud.
Kestrel and Merle reach past with hands on the door. We all look at Raven, who nods, and then we gently, lovingly pull the door closed.
We will come back here and remember sometimes, but we don’t need those memories.
We want to make new ones.
“We are Merle Kestrel, and we killed him,” I whisper to the shadows of our inner self.
“Tallie is who we were,” I say to the chamber. “We survived. We earned that name.”
I look over my shoulder, and in the dark, I see a girl walking. She’s wearing a party hat and smiling widely as she disappears and then fades completely from view.
Merle Kestrel is who we became to survive.
Flames flicker out of the corner of my eye.
And with Pix and our alphas beside us, we will become Pack Phoenix.
We’re born again, with another chance to live another life.
After all, so many sacrificed for us, fought for us, stood up for and with us.
I think of Callea. Died for us. I look at Jay, Dove, and Phoenix. Stepped back so we could live.
We have to live a good life. We have to live it well.
“Go have fun,” Raven says and shoves me gently away from the group.
I laugh and blink my eyes open. Sage is sitting beside me, and he smiles lazily when I open my eyes.
“Come play with me, Alpha.”
Out of the corner of my eye, I think I see sparks in the air, but I just smile and walk into the night.
He stands up, following me into the forest, not even questioning where I’m leading him.
And like the dark threats they are, my pack bleeds out of the shadows, following where I go, as if I am the light in their dark.