Chapter Three
Maya
“That just happened.” Holden stares toward me as though he’s carrying the weight of the world, biting back something else he wants to say.
Trouble is, I already know what he’s going to say, and I don’t want to hear it. In fact, I want to go right back to where we left off before everything went to hell. I want to go back to the place where we were doing things best.
His giant hand on my soaking panties. My fingertip tracing the throbbing ridge in his jeans. The little ecosystem of playing pretend that we were doing so well in.
“If you’re thinking we should end this,” I lift my hand to wipe blood off his cracked lip, “you’re wrong.
That went way better than I thought it would.
I mean, I hate that he hurt you, but the shock is over now.
He’ll calm down and realize you and I make sense together.
Or at the very least, he’ll calm down and be easier to ignore. ”
Holden stares at me, nearly unmoving, like he’s desperate to be careful with his next words. “You have much more faith in him than I do.”
“He’s my brother. I have to believe.”
“I get it,” he says, glancing away then back again, “but you don’t think he’s completely lost it?”
I shrug. “I don’t know. I mean, haven’t we all at some point? Losing Alice was really hard on him, and alcohol has always been his coping mechanism.” I shrug. “Doesn’t make it right, but with a little help, he’ll get back on track.”
I’m not sure I believe what I’m saying, but Wyatt is all I have left in the world, and I don’t know what I’d do without him.
Plus, when I finished graphic design school, I thought I’d have a load of debt, but he paid off my tuition in full randomly, as a huge surprise.
The worst part… my degree didn’t get me anything.
I still went to work as a secretary, and I’m still trying to figure out how to make the whole graphic design career work in a small town.
The point is, my brother had faith in me, and I owe him the same.
I lean against Holden’s chest, breathing in the scent of cedar and pine. “I’m sorry this whole thing happened the way it did. I… I’ll smooth things over with my brother.”
Holden nods slowly, his gaze fixated on something behind me. I turn to see what’s so exciting on the back wall that’s gotten his attention, but there’s nothing there.
“Umm… you alright?”
I chew the inside of my cheek as I stare up at him, a heavy weight now centered on my chest as I realize the fantasy world we’ve been living in is a lot further away than I thought. Heck, it might not be coming back.
For a second, I let my mind wander to the darkest corners. What if Holden and I don’t make it in the real world? What if we were only ever made for secret rendezvouses? What if this is the end?
I don’t want to be alone again. I’ve gotten used to the weight of his arms on my shoulders, the sound of his deep voice in my ear, the way he redirects my craziness when I start to think wild thoughts.
“This isn’t for you to worry about.” He leans in and kisses my forehead gently. “I’ll take care of it after work. Be good today.” We usually linger in a goodbye for at least thirty minutes. Today, he’s all business and out the door before I even come to terms with what’s happening.
Come to terms. I need to come to terms with the fact that he’s leaving my space.
It’s a thing. An every time we see each other thing.
I pout about how much I’m going to miss him, and he kisses my face a thousand times, then tells me how special I am, how I can’t be replaced, and how he can’t wait to see me again.
He squeezes my ass, kisses his favorite freckle on my shoulder, and finally we pretend we’re being torn apart by an invisible force that doesn’t understand our love.
It’s cute, and turns out, I require that performance or the crazy train starts to leave the station. Yes, I realize this makes me mentally unstable. We all are to some extent, right?
I drag in a deep breath and let it out slowly, attempting to gather my thoughts to a more reasonable place. I’m sure he’s rattled by everything that happened today. I’m sure he’s frustrated he got punched. I’m sure he’s irritated he didn’t punch back.
I plop back down in my office chair.
It’s fine. He’s not changing his mind. He wouldn’t.
Everything is totally fine.
I wheel up toward the computer screen, resisting the urge to type the entire situation into Google for advice. Truth be told, there’s too much nuance for Google. I’d have to ask one of those stranger help forums, and something tells me the nuance would be lost there too.
What I need is a distraction. Loud music. A swear word coloring book. A 3D puzzle of the Eiffel Tower. Pull apart string cheese with a juice box.
Okay, I’m not making sense. But seriously, why is the office so quiet today?
Well, I know why it’s so quiet. My office bestie is off on a cute little staycation with her hot new man, and the guys are putting the finishing touches on the brewery for the Wilder Brothers.
I guess I could go through the files and organize the supply lists for the next job like I’m supposed to, but none of that sounds as productive as calling Alice.
She picks up on the second ring, her voice high and happy, like she’s glad to hear from me.
“Oh my Lord, if it isn’t little Maya Ann Davis.
How are you, sweetie?” Alice was born and raised in Rugged Mountain, and she’s my age, but for some reason she’s adopted the accent of a sweet older woman from Mississippi.
Last time we spoke, she was trying out a British florist whose business was going under.
I enjoy this about her. Most people do. She’s fun, quirky, and, truth be told, way too good for my brother.
“Hey, Alice!” I smile as I tap my pen against the edge of the desk. “It’s so good to hear your voice.”
“Same here, honey! It’s been forever! How ya keepin’ on?”
“Not bad.” I grin wide at how good her accent is getting. “Just… working today. Well, not really working, but I’m at work.” I laugh. “You?”
“Also at work.” She laughs under her breath. “Also not actually doing work.”
“Well, see… we’ve both got life figured out then, don’t we? Working without working. I’m pretty sure that’s the dream. You still love the newspaper?”
There’s a half-second pause before she sighs dramatically, accent losing steam as she says, “You want the honest to God truth or the sugary, sweet tea version?”
Oh no. It’s never good when someone offers you two versions of a story. “The honest to God one. What’s wrong?”
“Welp.” A door closes in the background, and for a second I imagine what her office in San Francisco must look like.
I’m picturing big windows, a fancy desk with one of those bookshelves behind it, and a big plush executive chair that air squeaks out of when you sit.
“You gotta promise me you won’t say nothin’ to Holden.
I don’t want him worryin’ about me. He’s got his own life to think about. ”
Alice doesn’t know Holden and I are dating, but she knows we talk. That said, girl code supersedes all. It’s in the handbook.
I nod, though she can’t see me. “Of course. What’s up?”
“I hate San Francisco.” Her accent returns to normal.
“I miss the mountains.” She sighs as she says, “What’s wrong with me?
This is my dream. I’ve always wanted to be a reporter.
I’m writing front-page articles for the freakin’ Chronicle.
I know people who would kill for my job.
Heck, I’d have tripped someone for it four months ago. ”
I laugh though I know she’s not meaning to be funny.
“What don’t you like about it?”
There’s a shrug in her voice when she says, “I miss the little, small-town stories. I miss connecting with the people. I miss the heart of it all. The editors here want hard lines and facts. I just, I don’t know, I miss home.”
I hear her, but I’ve never been good with advice. Half the time I don’t even understand myself. I mean, ten minutes ago I was spiraling over the absence of a freckle kiss.
“Trust me, you’re not missing anything here.
It’s snowing again, and I’m pretty sure the high today is like negative twenty degrees.
Maybe you should come back for a visit, remind yourself what’s really here.
Besides, aren’t you dating? Holden mentioned something about that.
How’s the new guy from the strange new city? What’s he like?”
She laughs under her breath. “I went on one date with a guy from my office. He’s a senior editor and, umm… yeah.”
“What? What’s wrong with the senior editor guy?”
“Nothing is wrong with him. He’s nice enough. He just,” I hear the shrug again, “different from what I’m used to.”
“But that’s good, right? You wanted different.”
“I thought I did, but now I’m here, and I… I don’t know. I miss the big, rugged type, ya know? The kind of guy that’ll build me a shelf from scrap lumber and carries a pocketknife.”
I almost can’t believe what I’m hearing.
Alice spent years dreaming about the city, and even longer wishing she were writing for a big-time newspaper.
Actually, I’d say it was more than a dream.
She had a vision board hung on the wall in her living room with cutouts from magazines and inspirational quotes she found online.
“But the editor has good qualities too, right? I mean, he must be really smart, and I bet he owns something other than flannel.”
“For sure,” she sighs. “He’s also super accomplished and loves talking about it.
Tons of fun-facts about everything, and he enjoys correcting me.
Like, on our first date, I mentioned how the restaurant had opened in 2018 and he had to make sure I knew it was actually 2017.
Then he went on a twenty-minute rant about the history of the city and the buildings surrounding our office.
” She groans loud enough that I’m pretty sure I feel the heat of her sarcasm through the receiver.
“It was fascinating.” She pauses. “I don’t know.
He’s nice… it’s just that… he’s not my type.
It made me miss an early morning fishing date or a picnic on a tailgate in a field somewhere. ”
“So… come home.” My voice softens as I speak. “Your cabin is still for sale. You could swipe it right off the market and I’m sure the Gazette would take you back considering they’re running on a two-person team and always looking for help.”
She huffs under her breath. “Yeah, I’ll be back as soon as I figure out a way to avoid Wyatt in a one-street town barricaded in by mountains.”
“He’s working out of town a ton lately. And when he’s not working, he’s holed up in his cabin playing grumpy old man.
I bet you guys would barely see each other.
” Even I don’t believe what I’m saying. I’ve spent so many late nights talking Wyatt out of flying to San Francisco to hijack Alice’s new life.
I can’t imagine what madness would ensue if he knew she was back in town.
It would open a floodgate to all kinds of crazy.
“What’s he grumpy about now?”
“Same old stuff. You know Wyatt.”
“I do,” she says softly, as though she’s thinking over something she isn’t saying out loud. “So, he’s not dating?”
“God, no!” I laugh. “Even if he wanted to, no one could stand him long enough to date him. I think you were the only one crazy enough to give him a chance.”
She sighs, and I get the sense that she’s relieved. “He wasn’t always this guy, but you know that.”
“Oh God, you’re not thinking about Wyatt still, are you?”
“What? No. I just… I don’t know. I’m in a weird headspace right now.
There’s a lot going on.” Her words are clipped again, as though there’s something she’s not telling me, but I don’t want to push her.
I’ve known Alice since we were young. We bonded over a lot, including how our parents both died young.
She’s the type of person who needs time to process through things before she talks, though I can’t imagine what else would be going on out there. She told me a lot already.
“I’m here when you’re ready,” I say, clicking the end of a pen as I talk.
“I know,” she sighs. “I’m always here for you too, which is why I should’ve shut up and asked how you’re doing?”
I laugh. “I was wondering when you were gonna quit.”
“I bet,” she chuckles low. “So what’s up? How is everything?”
How is everything? Well… I think over all the things that happened this morning, none of which I can actually talk about. “I’ll have to catch you up on all my drama later. I’m getting a call from one of the guys. You know how they are. Can’t do a thing without me.”
“FaceTime later tonight?”
I’m not sure if Holden and I still have plans or not.
“I might have some errands to run, but you can try me. If not, I can call you back in the morning. We can talk all things town gossip. They’ve got a new artist down at Rugged Mountain Ink, and there’s a new barista in town who’s apparently trying to snatch up the library.
” I pop my lips. “I’ve got all kinds of tea. ”
“Lord,” she slides back into the accent, “who’d have thought so much could happen in such a short time.”
“Small towns,” I shake my head, “everybody’s got a scent in the wind.”
“I forgot how bad that can get.” Alice taps her keyboard. “I’d better run too. The editor is messaging me. Love you, babe.”
“Love you more! We’ll talk soon.”
“Can’t wait!”
When the line disconnects, I stare down at my phone and scroll to my messages. I’m not expecting to see anything. I know Holden has a busy morning with the Wilder Brothers project, and he’s not the type to be on his phone while he’s working, but I check anyway.
This morning, I have a text. A text that has me excited and even more confused.