7. AVA
AVA
I cannot get out of Zane’s cabin fast enough. What the fuck, Ava? What is wrong with you? In my hurry, I end up tripping myself and land ungracefully on my hands and knees on the cobblestones. The pain rushes through me, but it’s nothing compared to my panic, so I barely feel it.
Needing to take a moment to calm down, I sit right there on the cold stones, brushing the tiny pebbles that have stuck to my hands.
How have I managed to royally screw everything up in less than twenty-four hours? This is so embarrassing. Zane must think that I’m crazy. Even I would think so if I woke up to an uninvited guest in my bed.
“I’m so sorry,” I mutter under my breath, a few tears escaping my eyes as I rock myself back and forth, trying to rein in the oncoming panic attack.
It’s been so long since I sleepwalked, so I didn’t think it was going to be an issue here.
Most of my issues started after the accident—the terrible eating habits, nightmares, and sleepwalking.
I have medicine to curb the sleeping issues and I attend therapy, but I forgot to bring my meds, which is how I ended up in Zane’s bed.
Oh God! I’m never going to be able to face him ever again.
Why Zane’s bed though? The main house has dozens of rooms I could have stumbled into, so why did I ignore all of them and end up leaving the house, past the backyard, and into Zane’s cabin?
How did I even manage to get in? Do I have ninja skills in my sleep or something?
Zane had every right to be irate and kick me out. When he’s calmed down, I’ll be sure to apologize to him for this and so much more. All I want is to make good with him, but instead I keep screwing up.
When I’m calmer and my hands and legs have stopped shaking, I pick myself up off the ground.
The back door is slightly ajar, which is how I must have gotten out.
I lock it on my way in, grateful that the ranch is heavily guarded; otherwise I’d have felt so guilty putting the Morgans in danger by leaving the back door open.
My bedroom door is also open, and I quickly let myself in, locking it behind me as if that will change anything. Only now do I realize that I’m barefoot. Did I get into Zane’s bed with these dirty, crusty feet? Oh God, it keeps getting worse.
Filled with dread, I shed my dirty clothes to take a shower.
I end up having another meltdown in the bathroom when the reality of what I did hits me again.
This was meant to be a vacation for me, a moment to relax, but I’ve been on edge from the moment I arrived, and I keep making things worse for myself and for Zane, who I’m supposed to be winning over.
Once I’ve scrubbed my skin raw and the hot water becomes unbearable, I get out, dry off, change into clean clothes, and crawl into bed. I’m too scared to try and sleep again, so I stay awake and wait for the sun to rise while driving myself crazy with my thoughts.
I have no idea how long I lie here, but I hear the ranch come to life from my crouched position in bed, unmoving, refusing to let myself sleep.
Finally, I hear movement outside my bedroom door, and someone jiggles the door handle trying to get in. A soft knock follows when whoever it is realizes that the door is locked.
“Ava, it’s me. Are you awake?” Ella calls out.
I don’t reply, my body lacking the energy to speak or move.
“Join us for breakfast,” she adds, knocking again.
I don’t really want to eat or leave my bed, but turning my hosts down for a meal invite will be rude. I’m already at odds with one of them—I don’t want the rest to hate me.
Mustering all my strength, I push myself off the bed and head to the door. Taking a deep breath and plastering on a fake smile, I open the door to reveal Ella with her hand raised to knock again.
“Good morning, best friend,” she greets, a bit too cheerfully for me.
“Morning, El,” I whisper, stifling a yawn.
She narrows her eyes at me in suspicion. “Why do you look like you slept out in the barn?”
“I wish,” I mutter under my breath.
“What?”
“Nothing, I’m okay,” I reply with a reassuring smile, because telling her the truth is not an option, but she doesn’t buy it.
“Do you hate your bed? Do you want me to make them switch it out for you?” she offers.
The bed is fine—the mattress is soft and the bed is queen-size. It couldn’t get better than this; I am the problem. I didn’t even sleep on it much—I snuck out and went to sleep in her brother’s bed—but I cannot tell her any of this, so I find a better excuse.
“I’m still jet-lagged from all the flying, plus my body clock has yet to settle down,” I explain.
Thankfully, she buys this. “Oh, I get it. I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay. It’ll regulate in a couple of days.”
“Good. Breakfast?” she asks, recalling why she’s here in the first place.
“Yes, please. I’d love some.”
She loops her elbow with mine and drags me out of my room and down the stairs. She stops midway down the steps and turns to me.
“I know you said that you didn’t sleep well because of your messed-up body clock and jet lag, but in case it’s something else, like you’re stressed about Zane, you can talk to me,” she offers.
How did she know? Did Zane tell her? He wouldn’t. Or he did? I don’t know.
I stay quiet too long, so she continues talking.
“I know what happened between you two is still a sore topic. It is for the whole family. That night, Zane didn’t just lose his career—we lost a part of him too that’s not physical—but it doesn’t excuse his dickhead behavior.
I’m sorry about him, and I will try my best to keep him away from you,” she assures me.
She needs to keep me away from Zane, not the other way around.
“Zane is fine. I’m the problem, and I understand why he hates me. What happened was...”
“No one’s fault,” she interrupts. “It was a freak accident that tragically ruined a couple of lives, but you’re both alive, and that’s what we should be grateful for. Honestly, this family, especially Zane, needs to heal from that,” she asserts.
She seems so passionate about this, but she can’t hide the pain in her eyes. I know she partly blames herself too, which is why she’s pushing for everyone else to be okay.
“We’ll be fine, El. I promise,” I assure her.
I will find a way to fix things between Zane and me for everyone’s sake.
“Thank you,” she sniffs, pulling me in for a hug. “Things will get better.”
“I know they will.”
When we pull apart, I wipe away her tears before we proceed to the kitchen where everyone is gathered.
“Good morning, family,” Ella cheerfully greets as if she wasn’t breaking down on the stairs a few moments ago.
“Morning, Auntie El,” Daisy replies.
Ella smothers her face with kisses while I say hello to Hank and Jace.
“How do you like your room?” Hank inquires.
“I love it. Thank you.”
“I’m glad to hear that. Do not hesitate to let me know if there’s anything we can do to make your stay here with us better,” he demands gently.
“This is already a dream, but I’ll keep that in mind,” I reply.
Jace pours me a cup of coffee and pushes the plate of toast closer to me. “Dig in.”
“Thank you.”
Ella settles down next to me, and I finally get to see and greet Daisy, who is in her school uniform. She looks adorable and is no longer shy around me, so I’m able to have a conversation with her. She’s in first grade, loves her teacher, and most of her classmates.
For some reason, I keep expecting Zane to come in, but he never does. I know I’ll have to face him at some point, and I’m dreading that moment.
“Word is, your mother moved back to Wrangler Creek? Are you planning on visiting her while you’re here?” Jace questions.
It’s a valid question from someone who has no idea what happened between us. Ella is aware, and the fact that her family doesn’t know means she didn’t tell them, which I appreciate. It means I can trust her with my secrets like I always have.
“We aren’t on speaking terms anymore,” I inform him.
I expect questions, but no one says anything—they just nod in understanding, which is surprising. When most people learn that my mother and I fell out, they always have questions, so this is a surprise.
“I’m sure you had your reasons,” Hank affirms.
“I did, so I’d appreciate it if you kept my presence here a secret. I don’t want her finding out that I’m around—she’ll only cause trouble,” I request.
“You are safe with us. No one will know you’re here,” Jace assures.
“Thank you.”
The warmth and acceptance I’m currently surrounded with brings tears to my eyes. Why couldn’t my mother be like the Morgans? My life would have been so much easier. But it’s water under the bridge now, and I’ve moved on.
Now I just need to fix things with Zane, and everything will be perfect.