9. AVA
AVA
Once again, Ava Noa Ramirez has managed to royally fuck up.
I should have just stayed in the house, writing music in my bedroom.
I owe the record label a new album, and I’m supposed to be taking my three months here as a chance to relax while I write said songs.
But oh no, I just had to take a break and once again ruin my chances at fixing things with Zane.
Why did I think it was okay to go for an evening stroll and, even worse, to enter a room whose door was left open when clearly, there was a sign on the door saying “DO NOT ENTER” in big, bold, red letters?
The minute I realized what kind of room it was, I should have turned around and walked away.
I was so surprised to see that Zane is still training.
Ella was the one to inform me that the doctors told him his bull riding career was over, and my mother confirmed it for me.
Of course Zane is too stubborn to listen to his doctors—he’s still holding onto his dreams, which is great for him.
More than anyone, I hope he’ll be able to get on the back of a bull to compete.
Not to alleviate my guilt, but because I know how important his career is to him and how he didn’t get to win that world title.
Still, I should have turned and left, but the moment I saw his scars, I couldn’t move. After the accident, I only saw him once, and he was still in a coma, in the ICU, nothing but tubes, covered in bandages, clinging onto life through machines, so I never truly saw the extent of his injuries.
Of course I knew they were bad, but to personally see his scars and finally understand how bad it was for him.
.. I will never be able to fathom his pain.
I walked out of that accident with two scars—one on my arm where it was sliced open by glass and another on my stomach after one of the metal bars in the door went through me.
Zane, unfortunately, wasn’t as lucky as I was and has much more trauma than I do.
The pain in his eyes as he made me look and the anguish in his voice as he pleaded with me to keep my distance—that will haunt me for a long time to come.
“What more do you want from me, Ava? Look at me... Do you really think an apology and a ‘talk’ is going to fix things? No! Maybe it would have before, but not now—it’s too little, too late.
You are here, not for me but for a vacation, so why don’t you focus on that and stay away from me.
If you actually want to do something for me, it’ll be to stay away, please. ”
Zane is right—an apology is too little, too late, and the best thing I can do for him is stay away like he’s asked me to, multiple times. I thought an apology was what was needed to fix things between us, but maybe I was wrong and distance is what he needs most.
I’m heading up the stairs, back to my room to have a proper cry, when I unfortunately run into Ella. I’m too late in covering my tear-streaked face, and of course it’s the first thing she notices and asks about.
“Why are you crying? Did something happen?”
I try hiding my face from her, but she cups my cheeks and makes me meet her eyes.
“Nothing happened. I’m fine—something got in my eye.”
She rolls her eyes at my poor attempt at lying to her. “Don’t bullshit me. It’s Zane, isn’t it?! You saw him? What did he say to you?”
I push her hands off my face and clean my tears with my sleeve. “Nothing, he didn’t say anything.”
Nothing he hadn’t already told her anyway.
“Then why are you crying?”
I try looking for an excuse, but my mind is blank. I’m too mentally exhausted to come up with a lie.
“Let it go, El, please.”
“No, tell me. I’m your host, and if anyone is giving you a hard time, I need to know so I can deal with them. Is it Zane?” she repeats.
I meet her eyes, and I know she can immediately tell that I’m lying to her.
Her pupils dilate in anger. “I knew it. I am going to kill him.”
She turns to march down the steps, but I grab her arm, stopping her. “Ella, stop, please—it was my fault.”
I cannot allow her to confront Zane because of me when I am the one at fault. It will only make things worse.
She cups my face, her eyes softening a bit. “Why do you keep saying that? This time I am not going to let him off.”
She pats my cheek affectionately before stomping down the stairs like a woman on a mission. “Zane Isaac Morgan, you better run because when I catch you, you’ll wish your mother swallowed you.”
If I weren’t the cause of all this drama, her words would make me laugh. Ella is the youngest, but I know this household is afraid of her. Zane will not get off easy, and it’s my fault. I’m too tired to go after her, so I proceed to my room.
The guilt for causing all this mess is weighing heavily on me. All I wanted was a chance to apologize to Zane for barging in on his space and what happened five years ago, but instead I’ve ended up making things so much worse.
Maybe coming here was a bad idea. It’s been less than forty-eight hours, and I keep messing up.
Now Ella is mad at him, and once she confronts him, that will make him even angrier at me.
Maybe I should just go back to LA and find another way to deal with my stalker problems. That has got to be better than this.
Now that I’ve had that thought, it’s stuck in my mind, and the more I think about it, the better it sounds. I hate to be leaving so soon after I arrived, but maybe it’s for the best.
Just to be sure I’m making the best decision, I decide to sit on it for an hour.
Sixty minutes later, my mind is made up. I am going to call Lou and have her arrange a flight back home.
I need to get out of Iron Stallion before I make things unhappier for myself and the Morgans, who have been nothing but kind to me, especially Ella. I don’t want her fighting with her big brother because of me.
Speaking of the devil, Lou calls me just as I’m pulling up her contact. I have to pinch the bridge of my nose and look up at the ceiling to keep my tears at bay. “Lou.”
“Hey, honey, how are you holding up?” she asks in her soft, motherly tone, making it even harder for me to control my tears.
I put her on speakerphone and place it beside me. “It’s horrible, Lou. I keep messing up—please get me out of here.”
Her tone turns serious immediately. “Is everything okay? What happened?”
My emotions clog my throat, and I’m unable to articulate just how badly I’ve ruined things.
“Is it Zane? Did he do something to you?” she insists when I fail to say anything.
Why is everyone so quick to judge Zane? He is well within his right to be acting as he is. The issues lie with me, my presence here, and my inability to listen.
“No, I’m the problem. I keep wrecking things. Just get me out of here,” I beg.
She sighs, and I realize it’s not going to be so easy. “Can you withstand it? I don’t think LA is any better.”
The fear in her voice is real, and I know it’s about to get worse. “What do you mean?”
“He struck again, this time at the record label, and it was bad. It’s a good thing you weren’t here.”
She’s talking about the stalker. Oh God, what now?
“What did he do?”
“I better not tell you—it’s better if you don’t know.”
“Lou...” I break off when I realize what she’s trying to tell me.
“Is Texas that bad? Can you put up with it? If not, I’ll make other arrangements, arrange a security team for you,” she suggests.
I groan and drop back onto the bed. “You know I hate bodyguards.”
“It’s the only other choice you have. The only reason I was okay with sending you to Iron Stallion without protection is because I know how heavily guarded that place is,” she replies.
“No kidding,” I mumble, recalling the security at the gate when we were coming in yesterday and the multiple security cameras around the property.
“It’s either that or bodyguards in another location,” she explains.
Bodyguards make me feel suffocated. They’re always in my space, and I never have freedom with them around.
They’re necessary when we travel, but I’m on vacation now—I don’t need them around.
But I understand that with the stalker still on the loose, they’re not optional, which leaves me with one alternative. ..
“Okay, fine, I’ll stay.”
“Are you sure?”
“No, but the other choice is worse.”
I can tell Lou isn’t pleased about this either, but we’re out of options.
“It’ll be over soon, sweetheart. Don’t worry,” she assures me.
“I hope so.”
I hang up feeling deeply disappointed when I realize that going back to LA is out of the question. I have to stay here, around Zane, who hates me.
Can my life get any worse?