Chapter Nineteen
Cole Williams: Howie, how did you feel facing off against your old team?
Kilian: It was weird for sure. I’m glad I didn’t try to pass to Mooney. That would have been awkward.
Mark Tungsten: It’s a shame to see the Firecrackers’ win streak end two games before the franchise record.
Kilian: For sure. It always sucks when a hot streak ends. But if you watch the third period back, we got a lot of good opportunities and made a lot of great plays. We just couldn’t get past their defense. We weren’t bad; we just weren’t as good as Breezy and Luca.
Mark Tungsten: Any comment on all the players on the Sea Lions who’ve recently come forward as LGBTQ-plus?
Kilian: I’m really happy for them. Still want to beat them next time. [He grins] Or in the playoffs.
Top comments:
firecrackers_spark: GO FIRECRACKERS GO! Playoffs here we come!
denny_sovt_hands: Howie’s point streak going strong at twelve games, Denny on a five-game goal streak, so what if we dropped one game against the hottest team in the league. The Firecrackers are finally entering their post-rebuild era. Our window starts NOW!
seelionssaylions: We miss you Howie! But if we meet Chicago in the playoffs your team is toast
(From postgame media, Chicago @ San Francisco, 12/31/2024)
Kilian resisted the urge to touch his face as he led the Firecrackers through the door into the bar the Sea Lions had picked for the evening.
It was the kind of place Lissy would never have chosen, with an exposed brick wall, low, warm lighting, and climbing plants placed strategically between the liquor shelves. Not a strobe or a subwoofer in sight.
He caught sight of himself in the distorted reflection on a large beaten-brass section of wall near the entrance and leaned in close to examine.
“You look good,” Damir said near his ear.
Kilian glared at him.
Damir grinned, unapologetic, and pinched his side.
It was entirely Damir’s fault Kilian had an awful breakout.
Falling asleep without cleaning his face would do that.
Come was not a moisturizer. Kilian hadn’t intended to wear makeup tonight; he’d only picked up a few cosmetics at a drugstore yesterday because he was so nervous about going on a date with Damir and thought it would help him feel confident.
In that situation, it had. Today, hanging out with both NHL teams Kilian had played for, he hadn’t intended on wearing anything gender nonconforming.
Unfortunately, faced with pimples in the crevice between his nose and cheek, he’d had to change his plan despite not having time to watch more than one video on how to properly apply concealer.
But Kilian couldn’t do anything about his face now. He’d have to take Damir’s word and hope it looked fine. He peered around the bar, searching for the Sea Lions with Matheson and Fulls crowding in through the open door behind him.
“Howie!” Breezy caught sight of him and waved wildly.
Kilian smiled despite himself. He made his way over, skirting around crowded tables and harried waitstaff.
He’d barely made it to the Sea Lions before he was enveloped in a massive bear hug so tight it lifted him clean off his feet.
More greetings followed—a short, awkward embrace from Tom, a fist bump from Mooney, a backslap from Hayes, an upnod from Vanderbilt, a greeting in Russian from Dmitriyev, and a surprisingly heartfelt hug from Luca.
When he emerged from the pileup of ex-teammates, Kilian found Firecrackers taking seats all around the table.
Matheson congratulated Mooney on his game-winner while Rocky approached Luca awkwardly to ask what drills he did to get so quick on his edges.
The Scandinavians flocked together as a matter of course, already well-acquainted from youth hockey and international games.
Kilian let out a breath of relief. This would go fine. If anyone saw them, it wouldn’t be a big gay reunion, implicating Damir before he was ready and generating even more headlines about Kilian. Two teams celebrating the new year together might be fodder for social media, but harmless, fun fodder.
“Sorry we kicked your asses today,” Breezy said.
“No, you aren’t.”
“Well, no, but I want to be.”
Kilian rolled his eyes. “It’s cool, dude. Your job is to win. You guys are doing great.”
“Yeah, we are.” Breezy threw an arm over his shoulders. “But so are you. You’re killing out there, bro.”
“Thanks.” Kilian had no interest in false modesty. They may have lost tonight, but his point streak was still going strong. His game had never been better.
“And not only at hockey.” Breezy squeezed him a little tighter, making his ribs creak. “I know I said it before, but what you did…it was so brave.”
Kilian shrugged. From his point of view, he’d been out of options. If people hadn’t known about him, he might never have written what he did and posted it publicly. “You’re the one who chose this. You and Jax and Tom did. You didn’t have to say anything after I did.”
“Please.” Luca, ever-present at Breezy’s elbow, scoffed. “It is killing Jax that he didn’t go first.”
“No, it’s not!” Jax called.
“He lies. Can I get you anything to drink?”
Blinking back surprise at Luca offering to do anything for anyone else, Kilian said, “Vodka soda.”
Luca melted away into the crowd. Kilian elbowed Breezy lightly and gave him a questioning look. Breezy didn’t answer, but the way his entire face flushed was enough.
“Really?” Kilian couldn’t help but ask. “Him?”
“I know he’s way out of my league—”
“Dude, no.” Breezy had appeal if you were into absolutely massive dudes, which Kilian was. “Is he…nice to you?”
An absolutely sickening expression took hold of Breezy’s face. “He—”
“Hey, um, Howie? Could I talk to you for a minute?”
Kilian turned toward the source of the question: Tom, shuffling from foot to foot. Never had there been a more welcome interruption. “Sure.”
He followed Tom to the patio, glancing over his shoulder to find Damir watching him go.
Kilian shot him a smile to reward him for being at least 50 percent less grouchy than Kilian expected after a loss.
The recent orgasms must have mellowed him.
Either that, or he was trying very hard to act normal to avoid the meaningful pep talk about their relationship Lissy had been trying to catch them alone for all day.
Or maybe, just maybe, he was happy to be officially dating Kilian now.
Lissy would have to deal.
Kilian was not giving up Damir now he had him.
The air outside caused Kilian to wrap his arms around himself; it was cold by San Francisco standards. String lights decked the patio, where small groups of people with vapes stood around, exhaling a sickening mixture of sweet, fruity scents.
“Who chose this bar?” he asked.
“Jax.”
“Of course.” Jax tended to be trendy enough to be obnoxious. He even wore a pair of those incredibly wide-cut suit pants. “So, what’s up?”
Tom rubbed the back of his neck. “I wanted to say I’m sorry. And thank you.”
Kilian ran his tongue over the shape of his left incisor, trying to think of the words. “You don’t have to apologize to me.”
“I want to.” Tom stuffed his hands into his pockets and looked up at the sky. “The last time we talked about it, you said you wanted a role model, and I told you I couldn’t be one. But if I had tried, I might have been able to save you from…well, you know.”
“You didn’t know I was going to gay clubs, and I didn’t know I was being photographed, so I don’t think you could have helped me with that.”
“I’d have told you not to go.”
“I would have done it more if you had.”
They both laughed.
“If you had come out earlier…” Kilian sighed. “I don’t know. It might have put me off ever doing it, seeing all the media attention. Especially all the shit people are saying about the Sea Lions now they know there’s more than one queer player on the team.”
Tom sighed heavily. “Yeah. I just want to play hockey, you know? I wish they’d quit asking.”
Kilian pulled a face. “Can’t relate. I don’t just want to play hockey. There are more things in life, you know?”
“You sound like Jax.” Tom narrowed his eyes suspiciously. “Have you been talking to him?”
“Not really.” Jax had texted Kilian a few times since Christmas, most notably to call his walk-in outfit in Los Angeles “fire.” Kilian appreciated the compliment since he’d had to stop reading the comment sections on Instagram and had no idea what the rest of the world thought about him wearing a lace shirt.
“Well, anyway,” Tom said. “I wanted to thank you for everything you’ve said and done over the last week. It means a lot to me.”
Tom looked so forlorn standing there, his arms straight down by his sides as if he didn’t know what to do with them, trying to earnestly thank Kilian for making the best of being outed. Kilian stepped closer and hugged him tightly.
“Thank you,” Kilian said when he pulled away.
He pressed a smacking kiss to Tom’s cheek for good measure, leaving a tiny smudge of lip gloss.
“You might not have been ready to be out, but you were ready to be the kind of leader who didn’t let me get away with being a dick, and that made me a better person.
I would never have been able to make it through this if you hadn’t been my captain. ”
Tom made a sound suspiciously close to a sob.
“How’s Artemis?”
The change of subject worked. “She’s wonderful.
We couldn’t bring her tonight, but I’ll head over to Phil’s before midnight so I can be with her and Phil and Ben for the fireworks.
You know, Breezy got me the best Secret Santa gift.
He got me signed up as a patron for a pet shelter.
I’m going to go there and meet a bunch of dogs next week. ”
“Sounds perfect for you,” Kilian told him.
They made their way indoors again, Tom telling him about all the animals he’d seen on the shelter’s website.