Chapter 16
CHAPTER 16
Renee
I was spoiled rotten over the next several weeks. In class, Ezra was professional and a damn good instructor. He didn’t take it easy on me because of our budding relationship. It actually seemed as if he was harder on me. Every Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday we had dinner together followed by a new activity on the Ranch.
Horseback riding, feeding the animals, dessert by the lake, picnic under the stars, reading me a book beside the trees, board games in the Littles’ Wing, sex in the classroom, and the list went on. He didn’t attend the rehearsals, but he still provided refreshments.
On the other days, we mostly stayed in each other’s company while either he worked or I did my class assignments. The biggest advantage about screwing my professor was that I could pick his brain after hours about the discussions. He also didn’t ever try to talk me into him being my partner again. We hadn’t dabbled into much BDSM in the bedroom, and it was beginning to worry me. He’d mentioned that all of his relationships included it, but ours hadn’t. Most of our courting and sex stayed on the vanilla spectrum. If this was what he thought would sustain me, we were in trouble.
The last of our twelve weeks was approaching, and I was even more nervous about things with him than anything else. We hadn’t discussed what would happen after he wasn’t here anymore. My apartment back home was gone, so all I had was here. I knew eventually I’d have to go back to the real world, but I didn’t know what I wanted that to look like just yet. Especially since we hadn’t talked about the future.
“What’s wrong, babygirl?” Ezra asked me.
I didn’t want to lie, but I also didn’t want to come off as needy either.
“Out with it.” He climbed into bed with me and laid on top of me.
I sighed in contentment. I loved the weight of him on me, both inside and out of sexual activities. It was a distraction from my thoughts, and I focused on him instead.
“Renee.”
“Yes, Sir?” I answered, rubbing the top of his head.
“You’re supposed to be talking.”
“I know, but this is so much better. Does it not feel good to you?”
He pinched my thigh, making me yelp.
“I’m listening.”
I exhaled and went for it. “I want more.”
“More…”
“I know we’re taking it slow. It’s been almost twelve weeks of dating and playing nice. I need things to move a bit faster than this.”
Ezra chuckled and nodded. “My turn. When I’m all in, I’m in. However, I think I needed this time to heal my own wounds. I wallowed for six months and didn’t address anything. Now that I have, I’ve taken a hard look at myself and my expectations. Everything doesn’t have to happen right now. So, I’ve been enjoying how light things have been. It feels better with the trauma. It’s not that I’m not going to take it deeper, it just won’t be as quickly.”
“I respect that.”
“But…”
“But it’s setting off alarms inside my head. That you don’t want me, or I’m flawed in some way that is turning you off.”
“We’re having sex though, Renee.”
“Very vanilla sex.”
“Okay.” Ezra sat up and moved to lean against the headboard.
“Forget that I said anything,” I mumbled.
“You did, though. That means you’re not happy. So we need to make some adjustments.”
“Don’t worry about it. I’ll handle it.” Nervously, I inched over.
“Handle it? What’s that supposed to mean?”
“I’ll cope. You’ll figure yourself out and so will I. Heal however you need to.” I paused, knowing I needed to say more. I was supposed to be doing things differently this time. That meant communicating even when it hurts. “Does it suck? It does. But it’s not just about me.”
“Or me. Which is why I said I’ll make adjustments.”
“Okay. Until then, I’ll figure it out.” I sighed, stood up, and got dressed. “I have some things I need to take care of; are we still on for dinner?” I asked. It was Sunday and tomorrow officially marked our last week of class.
“Of course. We’ll talk more about this later.” He wasn’t asking.
I shrugged. “Sure.” I kissed him quickly and left his apartment.
I had rehearsal in a couple of hours, which gave me time to myself. I hurried home and changed clothes. Then I grabbed my duffle bag and went to the gym. Until we figured things out, this was going to be my best friend.
When I walked into the rehearsal space, I shrieked when Sampson was sitting there waiting for me.
“Hey, diva,” he said as I ran to him and hugged him tightly.
“Damn it’s good to see you.” I knew I was smiling from ear to ear. I missed his crazy ass.
“It better be. Honey, you and this class better have it together. Some of those videos you sent were making me question this entire thing. They are not about to like me.”
I’d cut three of the girls and thank god they were good at hair and makeup.
“We’ll find out soon, won’t we?”
“Indeed. Plus, we’re probably going to have to work in a few extra practices. I know you’ve been doing your thing, but their performance is this coming Friday. It’s time to show me the money.”
The door opened and in walked the girls.
“Are these the rest of the divas?” he asked.
“Mhm.”
“And where did y’all get the food and drink set up? It’s nice.”
“Ezra.”
“Mhm. Am I going to meet him while I’m here?”
“You will.” I smiled.
“Ooh. I see the love chiming right on through you and buzzing around in the air.”
The word love caught me off guard. It wasn’t love, right? Just good old-fashioned dating.
“Ladies, gather round. I’m Sampson, your choreographer. I know you don’t know me but?—”
“No, we do. We’ve watched your video walk-throughs a million times,” Elara said. “We’re all trying to get that half turn the way you do.”
“Which one?” Sampson walked to the center of the room, and I saw the instructor switch turn on in his head.
Elara showed him the moves leading up to and then did her version of the turn.
“Ooh! You need more attitude and you’ve got it. Try it like this.” Sampson mimicked her moves and then turned on the sass. “Pop. Just like that. Hip thrust, shoulder shrug, and body swing.”
We all gathered around, trying it his way.
“Oh! I got it,” somebody squealed.
“Let me see.” Sampson stood back and watched. “Yes! Throw a little more body into it, though. Yes! Nailed it, baby. Everybody from the top!” He hit the button on the remote and the song came on. We got into our assigned spots and jumped into it.
“Yes, tease them, y’all.” He came up beside me and joined in the routine, watching in the mirrors we’d lined up. “Green shirt, pick it up!” he shouted.
By the time we’d run through it four times, adjusting as he required, we looked damn good.
“One more time. And one, two, three…” Sampson moved to the back and stood next to green shirt . “Push. Catch the rhythm and then own it.” He turned off the music and stood in front of her. “Do you have a man, woman, or person?”
“I’m dating someone,” Sheila responded.
“What’s their name?”
“Sandra.” She blushed.
“Pretend I’m Sandra. Eyes on me. Show me that you want to fuck without saying words. The music’s tempo is my heart rhythm. Catch it. The faster it goes, the more aroused I am. Make. Me. Want. You.” He turned on the music and began the routine in front of her, showing her what it would feel like if this were a two-man dance.
Sampson’s hands touched various parts of her body, arms, stomach, thighs, and even neck. It was sexy and even though he was my best friend and gay, the man was sexy as sin, dancing with her.
“I need a drink,” Elara whispered in my ear.
I giggled, but continued watching. His sex appeal was off the charts, and I didn’t think in a million years I’d be able to match his energy.
“Diva!” Sampson called out.
“Yes,” I answered.
“Take my place so she can see you while I guide her. I need you to turn the sexy way up.”
I moved in front of her and took a minute to center myself. Sexy… I thought of Ezra and instantly my body warmed. I pictured his hands all over me the way Sampson’s had been on Sheila. Then… I moved.
Sheila joined in, and Sampson exaggerated some of her moves as she danced. His hands were Ezra’s, though, and Sheila was my reflection. I gave in to the sensations and tried to seduce the man I wanted more than I’d ever imagined. When I was done, I was out of breath and ready to fuck.
“Shit,” Elara said. “Go find that man.”
Everybody laughed around her and instead of feeling embarrassed, I became impatient.
“Practice went very well. There are a few of you I want to work with. You’re not using your full potential and today we’re going to pull that out of you. Green shirt, pink leotards, tiger stripes, orange tutu, and blue bandana. Stay back. The rest of you can go until rehearsal tomorrow. If you aren’t as good as these ladies will be when I’m done, you may be on my list next time. So go home and keep practicing. Renee, I’ll get with you later.”
The rest of us hurried out, and I went to Ezra’s apartment. The buzz was still riding me hard. He was on the phone, probably talking to Kelly, when I walked in. I stood in front of him and stripped down and out of my clothes. His eyebrow raised, and he told the person he needed to call them back.
I kneeled in front of him, massaging his thighs, while looking into his eyes.
“Babygirl?”
“Yes, Haven?”
“What are you doing?” he asked. If he wasn’t rock hard, I would’ve been put off by his question.
“Making myself available for you if you want me. You don’t have to partake, though.”
His hands caressed my skin, and I nibbled them when they got close to my mouth.
“Yeah, but…”
Please. Please. Please, use me.
“I have work to do. I can’t have you distracting me right now. Besides, don’t you have a full agenda today?”
I grunted, irritated.
“Excuse me?” He stopped touching me to study me.
I didn’t want to be studied. Or have any of his reservations. I stood up and walked away.
“Renee!” he called after me.
I ignored him, figuring it was better than screaming in his face. I stormed into the bathroom and slammed the door. Upset I was behaving this way, and that I felt out of sorts was triggering in so many ways. Ezra rattled the doorknob, and I turned on the shower. Getting lost in here would hopefully make everything better. Then maybe I’d come out and be less angry, then could apologize.
I spent an extended time in the shower, toweled off, and moisturized my skin. It should be getting close to time for me to leave for work. When I opened the door, Ezra was sitting in a chair in the corner of the room.
“Hey, I wanted to–”
“Come here.”
I moved close to him, unafraid or worried. “I’m–”
“Bend over my lap.”
That’s when I noticed the difference in him. His eyes were cold, his shirt was gone, he was barefoot in his jeans, and his shoulders were bunched. Not to mention the belt resting in his lap. I licked my lips nervously, yet was excited.
“I was going to apo–”
He reached for my wrist, tugged me down to his level, and wrapped the leather belt around his hand.
“Yes, Sir.” I bent over and turned to look at him.
We were at eye level and stared into one another’s eyes until there was an understanding. I needed this because he’d yet to really claim me in this way. He hadn’t exerted his control in a way that showed me he could handle me in my most defiant state. I needed to know he was worthy of me. Not just able to love the broken and good parts. I needed him to tame me and maintain that control. It’d been too long, and I was questioning everything.
I needed him to settle me. In return, he’d get the fix he needed as well instead of holding back. If what I understood the balance to be in a BDSM relationship was true, the problem was him. Because he was holding back, I couldn’t do my thing and care for him the way he needed me to. It was called power exchange for a reason. He needed something to make him feel in control again, and that was me.
Remember, his power was external. Mine internal. So why was he trying to do my job?
“Shoulders down.”
I relaxed on his lap, arching my back. Without warning, his hand spanked the right cheek of my butt, and it knocked the sass out of my mouth.
“Breathe,” he instructed.
Not realizing I was holding my breath, I exhaled, panting as the pain registered loud and clear.
He struck again, not pausing to grant me time to adjust. Fire raced down my legs and I wanted to run, or block his blows, but his blown eyes told me that if I dared, I’d regret it. I gritted my teeth, and he switched sides until the burn matched. Unable to hold on anymore, I screamed.
My legs trembled, and I gripped his jeans to hold on. He switched to the center, hitting both sides at once. It registered in my groin and stimulated my clit even more than the throbbing sensation that pulsed between my legs.
“Let me up.”
I tried to stand, but my head swam. Ezra adjusted us and I hummed to stay in the moment. He positioned me so I was kneeling in the chair, knees spread, and my head rested on the back of the chair.
“Not there yet…” he stated.
“Where is that, Sir?”
“Where we need to be.”
That belt… he’d yet to use it.
I heard it in the air before it landed, and when it struck, I saw stars. They danced across my vision and air rushed from my lungs.
“Mhm…” I pleaded.
“Now you hear me?” he asked.
“I…” Everything faded out to a buzz, and I couldn’t focus. I could feel the texture of whatever I was gripping. And…
Pain flared and then turned into an explosion of pleasure stretching over my entire body.
“Can I please?” I asked in a rush, but I didn’t know why.
“Fuck!”
The buzzing was back, and this time I leaned into it. I welcomed the sensations until they cloaked me in a darkness so warm that closing my eyes seemed like the only viable thing to do.