Chapter Eleven #2
She felt Billy move up behind her, and her spine stiffened. She blinked fast as he blocked the wind, protecting her. When he wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her back against him, she lost it.
The sobs just poured out, deep and not pretty. “I wasn’t ready for this,” she protested between the tears.
He bent his head down beside hers. Up on the interstate, cars rushed by. The dull roar of the traffic rumbled in Roxie’s ears, making her headache worse.
“It was good while it lasted,” he told her. “It brought you business.”
She just cried harder.
“And Lexie,” he murmured.
Roxie wrapped her arms around her waist. The pain was just too much.
“It led to Maxie, too,” he said comfortingly. “That’s a lot for one sign to do.”
But she had wanted more. Just one more thing.
His lips moved against her temple. “You thought it would bring the rest of your family to you, didn’t you?”
Roxie turned and crumpled. Her fingers clutched at his jacket as she cried tears against his T-shirt. “Yes!”
She’d lied, damn it. Who could blame her? She’d been on a roll, and she’d made a secret wish.
“Aw, babe,” Billy said soothingly. His voice was gruff, and his hold was tight. “You have other options now. New leads.”
Leads that had gone nowhere. “This worked,” she whimpered. For once in her life, she’d had good luck.
Her vision was watery when she looked over her shoulder. What she saw made the tears pour over and down her cheeks.
Her good luck charm was gone.
Billy took a shuddering breath and rubbed her back. “Let me take you home.”
No! She didn’t want to leave. It would be giving up.
But somebody else had already made that decision for her.
She sniffed. “Okay.”
There was no reason to stay here anymore. That billboard wasn’t going to magically reappear. Even if she paid to have another put up, it wouldn’t be the same.
Billy helped her back into the pickup. She found a pack of tissues in her purse and blew her nose. The tears were drying up.
All the emotion was drying up.
She felt empty.
She glanced at the blank billboard one last time as Billy did a U-turn. It had been a lark from the beginning, something to shock and draw attention. When had she started putting her faith in it?
When had she started dreaming for the impossible?
She rubbed her palm over her breastbone, trying to ease the ache. Be careful what you wished. Hadn’t she learned that the hard way, long, long ago?
Fisherman’s Road seemed extra rutted and bumpy as they made their way back to the interstate. When they passed what had formerly been her sign, Roxie kept her head down.
Her touch was careful as she reassembled the work file she’d so carelessly grabbed. This was her fault. She’d missed the payment. She, or Charlie. In all the chaos of transferring the bar over to her ownership, she’d made a mistake.
Or maybe she’d unconsciously sabotaged herself.
Did she really want to know what had happened all those years ago? Did she want to know why she and her sisters had been given up? Did she really want to meet the people who had let that happen?
The ache in her chest deepened, and she had to swallow hard to clear the jagged lump in her throat.
“Here we are, babe.”
She hadn’t even realized they were back home. Billy opened her door, but she hopped down without his help.
“Ow,” she cried when pain rushed through her feet. Dumping her armful of papers back into the truck, she tore off the boots. Whipping around, she threw them as hard as she could towards the trash can on the curb.
“Enough!” She’d had enough of the pain. She’d had enough of just dealing with things.
Billy knew better than to try to swoop her up into his arms. Instead, he tucked her up against his side. They headed for the apartments, not even talking about it. Roxie glanced at the bar. The neon blazed and the beat of the bass hit her square between the eyes.
She sniffed. “This sucks.”
He sighed. “Yeah, it does.”
Billy walked up the stairs with Roxie quiet at his side. She was dejected, and he didn’t like it. He was used to her fighting and spitting nails when life wronged her. She was a force to be reckoned with.
Only now, her spirit seemed doused.
He let them into her apartment and shut the door behind them. It was early evening. The sun was still up, and the bar hadn’t even hit its stride.
She dropped her purse on the floor and sagged back against the breakfast bar. “I was so stupid.”
“Not stupid.”
“I let myself get invested in something that wasn’t even real.”
He braced his hands on the countertop, bracketing her. “You let yourself hope.”
He bent his head down so he could peer into her eyes. “There’s nothing wrong with that.”
Even with puffy eyes and splotchy cheeks, she was the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen. Not even her sisters compared, because he saw through the tough exterior to the fragile center. She was unlike anyone else, the yin and the yang.
He kissed her gently. Her lips trembled, which was unlike her, and something inside his chest twisted. He kissed her more firmly, mouth open against hers. When her hands slid under his jacket and clenched him at the waist, he knew he had her.
He cupped the back of her neck. Her hair felt like silk and her skin was even softer. He felt himself hardening. He wanted to make things better for her, he really did.
“I’ve always been so angry about it,” she said quietly. He nuzzled at her neck, and she leaned into him. “But when things went so well with Lexie and Maxie…”
She’d started to dream about the perfect ending.
He wanted to tell her that could still happen, but he wouldn’t lie to her. Not even to make the sadness go away. Instead, he cupped her face and made her look at him. “Baby, did you ever think about what would have happened if you hadn’t ended up in foster care? We would never have met.”
His voice went rough. “And I needed you, Roxie.”
A soft sound left her throat.
He leaned his forehead against hers. “You pulled me back in.”
He’d been going down the wrong road before she’d showed up with her angel face and sassy attitude.
“Billy,” she said softly. Going up on her tiptoes, she pressed her mouth against his.
The heartfelt kiss nearly toppled him.
Holding onto her tightly, he backed them towards the bedroom.
In the dimming light, their breaths sounded as one. Sensuality settled heavily over the room as they kissed and touched, not wanting to break contact. This desire was different. Deeper. The pleasure was there, but the need to connect was so much stronger.
Roxie scooted onto the bed once he’d stripped her, but Billy didn’t follow when she reached for him.
He had other plans.
Moving to the end of the bed, he took her foot in his hand. It was cold. Palming it, he tried to warm her up.
There was something about seeing her barefoot that ruined him. She went shoeless all the time around the apartment, but out in the big, bad world, she was always protected with shoes that killed. Those damn old boots had done more than hurt her feet. They’d made her seem vulnerable and tentative.
And that wasn’t his girl.
“Here?” he asked, pressing against the ball of her foot.
Her toes curled.
He stroked her arch. “Or here?”
“There.” Her moan was a blend of pleasure and relief. Sitting up, she pulled the comforter over herself and watched as he massaged away the ache.
Billy’s concentration focused. If there ever was a woman like a high-performance racing engine, she was it.
Wrapping his hand around her heel, he played mechanic.
Using his touch, he sought out the aches and pains that had been plaguing her and fixed them.
By the time he started up her Achilles’ heel, she was a shuddering hot mess.
He wasn’t in much better shape.
He pressed a kiss to her big toe and pulled back. He quickly got rid of his clothes. Watching her, he crawled up over her. She pushed back the covers, and her hands swept up his sides. He lowered himself atop of her.
“I need you now,” he said, his voice like sandpaper.
She messed him up so bad, but he needed her to get through his days.
Gliding his hand up her ribcage, he spread his hand over her breast. She inhaled deeply, and her nipple pushed into his palm.
Coming up off the pillow, she kissed him. Her breasts pressed intimately against his chest, and her tongue glided against his own. He was drowning in the feel of her when an inquisitive touch made his hips jerk.
“Roxie,” he groaned. She had his erection in the palm of her hand. Her fingers had wrapped around his girth, and they were adept.
Her brown gaze was steady on his. “I need you, too.”
She settled back on the bed. Her hair spilled over the pillow and her sleek body cradled his. It was the naked expression on her face, though, that cut through everything else.
He knew that look. He knew how it felt to not want to be alone.
Her legs shifted, parting, and her hips lifted. Her breaths were deep as her chest rose and fell. He eased her back against the pillow and lowered his weight until the mattress cuddled them both.
Something sultry and slow was coming from the bar’s jukebox. Outside, a breeze rustled the trees. He swiveled his hips, watching her eyes the entire time. Down below, her hot touch guided him to where he was dying to be.
With a slow thrust, he entered her.
And nearly came.
Billy’s heart started pounding so hard, his ribs shook.
She hadn’t made him put on a condom. He looked at her quickly, but his jaw locked down tight. If she had second thoughts, he’d pull out, but he wasn’t going to do anything to yank himself out of the purest pleasure he’d experienced in years.
She felt like heaven around him—hot, soft, and tight. His breaths worked in his lungs like bellows as he waited, but her eyes were closed in pleasure. Her head was thrown back, her neck arching as a soft cry left her lips.
He ventured deeper, and she felt like flowing, red hot silk.
His head dropped, and he let out a groan.
He’d forgotten how insanely good it was to be with her like this. Connected, body and soul. Sealing his mouth over hers, he began to move. He didn’t want to pull back, but the glide was right. He pumped back in again, seating himself, and tingles gripped the base of his spine.
From that moment on, there was no conscious thought in his head. Everything turned visceral.
Roxie knew what she was doing. She was breaking her hard and fast rule, but right now, this time, she needed him this way. Close, with nothing separating them.
The way they moved together was so intimate and sensual. He felt big inside her as he stroked steadily. Deep and slow. Hot and wet. Her fingers dug into his back. The muscles in his butt flexed, and she palmed him. She loved what he was doing to her, inside and out, but it was more than that.
He’d scared her with his words—just reached inside and squeezed her heart. What if they’d never met?
Was he right? The idea that someone had needed her consumed her. He hadn’t had a good time of it as a kid either, and her heart broke over that. Had she helped him?
She undulated beneath him, meeting his thrusts. His chest pressed hot against hers, his weight plumping her breasts and making her nipples ache.
“Ooooh,” she cried.
She clutched at him, feeling the orgasm rising within her. When she came it was like the end of a long race, when the fast and furious pace slowed into smooth, endless victory laps around the track.
So good.
He was the only one who could do this to her, the only one who could make her feel this way.
It wasn’t even impulse that made her wrap herself around him. It was more than that; it was primal instinct. Her legs circled his still pumping hips and her arms held him tight. She squeezed her internal muscles, holding him there, too.
“Christ. Roxie!” His head snapped back, and his hips jerked forward.
Then he was coming.
The feel of his hot essence spurting inside her made Roxie come all over again. Closing her eyes, she clung to the sensation. The pleasure. The sense of being one.
In the aftermath, the room felt heavy. Emotion had clogged the place before, but now it was pushing at the corners. The remaining daylight outside wouldn’t let her hide, so Roxie tucked her face into Billy’s neck. Deliberately, she made her mind go blank.
But niggling thoughts started poking for a way in.
Billy said nothing. He was still as he lie atop her, one hand wrapped around her hip and the other tangled in her hair. His breaths were ragged, and his body radiated heat.
She clung to him, to the moment, but the real world was pushing back in. She refused to regret what she’d done, and she didn’t want to make him feel bad.
Yet eventually, she wiggled her hips.
“No.” His voice was firm in her ear.
She didn’t want to fight about it. Digging in her heels, she tried to slide upward on the mattress.
As heavy as he was, that was a no-go.
It went from difficult to impossible when he flexed his muscles, adding his strength to his weight. He pinned her on the bed and looked into her eyes. Their noses brushed as his green gaze bore into hers.
“Not this time.”
Roxie didn’t want to get into this, not now. She’d gone through enough emotional upheaval today. He’d just helped her through what she’d thought was the worst of it.
The stubborn look on his face became clouded with hurt. “Why do you always push me away?”
She pressed her lips together.
And then he pissed her off by rocking his hips, thrusting even with his softened erection.
She slid the hands that had been holding him so possessively up to his shoulders and pushed. “Because it’s probably for the best.”