8. Not My Payne
CHAPTER EIGHT
NOT MY PAYNE
Ruby
“Iam not diabetic! That’s for old people. Or sick people. That’s not me, dammit.”
“Grandma, watch your mouth,” I hiss.
Blake turns a deep shade of red and turns to the doctor. “I’m sorry. She doesn’t think before she speaks.”
Grandma snaps at Blake, which isn’t like her at all. “Quit apologizing for me. I mean exactly what I say.”
I pinch the bridge of my nose. We’ve been here for two hours. The emergency room doctor is friends with Grandma’s general practitioner and gave her a call after Grandma was stable.
Her GP told the ER doctor that Grandma had been diagnosed with type 2 diabetes a couple months ago. Grandma is supposed to be on a strict diet, monitor her blood sugar, and maintain an entire course of medications she was prescribed. She even has a nutritionist.
When Blake and I heard this news, our jaws dropped to the floor.
Our grandmother lives on sweet tea, Mountain Dew, and those little butter cookies you buy in a tin at the drug store—the ones that come in all shapes and sizes, but they all taste the same.
Why do they make those cookies in different shapes anyway?
I’ve only been back in Winslet for a week. Her love for soda lives strong in the refrigerator, and two new tins of cookies appeared on the counter before Blake and I left for the manor tonight. Grandma likes her meat breaded and considers french fries a vegetable in her own personal food pyramid.
I pull in a deep breath and pray for patience. I also soften my tone to try to calm the old woman who proves she gives no shits about how she speaks to anyone. “Why didn’t you tell us you were diagnosed with diabetes? We could’ve helped you with your meds and your diet.”
Grandma’s coloring has returned to normal, and aside from the gash on the side of her head and her hair sitting askew, she looks almost like her normal self. What isn’t normal for her is embarrassment. I can’t remember anything she’s ever been apologetic for. But not tonight.
She stares at her hands as she twists her fingers in her lap as she speaks.
“I might have taken some extra meds tonight hoping it would offset my treats. I’ve been trying—really, I have.
And I didn’t want to bother you kids with my issues.
” She pulls in such a deep breath, her shoulders rise and slump with more drama than a romance novel.
“But sometimes I just need my cookies, okay? And tonight was one of those nights. I ate the cookies with a Mountain Dew. I don’t regret a thing.
I ate them while watching my shows. I figured some extra meds would offset the sugar. ”
The doctor stands at the end of her gurney with her arms crossed. “That explains why your levels dropped even after all your treats. That’s not the way the meds work, Ms. Sinclair.”
“Yes, I understand that ... now,” Grandma rattles off. “I won’t do it again. Are you happy?”
The doctor taps away on her tablet. “It doesn’t matter if I’m happy.
Everyone wants you to be healthy. I want one more glucose test to make sure you’re safe to go home.
Butterfly bandages will be fine on that laceration, so you don’t need stitches—as long as you follow directions and don’t remove them until they fall off on their own.
And I want you to promise you’ll stick to the diet your nutritionist gave you and do not self-medicate outside of the prescribed doses. ”
Grandma rolls her eyes. “I’ll try to do better.”
“She will do better,” I amend.
“We’ll help.” Blake wraps an arm around Grandma’s shoulders.
He’s always had a softer way about him than the rest of the Sinclairs.
At least Mom had the decency to not give us our respective fathers last names.
It’s not like either one did anything for us.
“You have to, Grandma. We need you around for a long, long time.”
Grandma pats his hand. “I’m not goin’ anywhere. You’re stuck with me for good.”
“If your glucose comes back in a safe range, we’ll let you go home tonight. I want you to follow up with your doctor on Monday.”
“Thank you. We’ll make sure that happens.
” I glance at my watch. It’s two in the morning.
I’m exhausted. I’m not sure how Grandma is functioning right now.
I stand and yank the short dress I’m still wearing down my thighs.
I went all out tonight in a red bodycon.
What I wouldn’t do for my favorite ratty pajamas right now.
I grabbed the first pair of shoes I saw before we left for the hospital.
I’m quite the sight in my dress and Crocs.
“I’m going to run to the bathroom while you do that test.”
Blake doesn’t move from Grandma’s side. “I’ll stay with her.”
Grandma harrumphs and complains to the room at large. “Now they’re gonna hover. Just what I need.”
She’s damn right we are, but I don’t tell her so.
It will only make it worse. The moment we get home, I’m pouring the Mountain Dew down the drain, and the cookies are going into witness protection.
She can have one a day. I’m not sure how we’ll keep her from buying more, but that’s a problem for tomorrow after we’ve all gotten some sleep.
When I’m on my way back from the bathroom, I almost jump out of my skin when I hear him.
“How is Alice?”
My comfy shoes squeak on the sterile floor when I spin. “Why are you sneaking up on me?”
Payne doesn’t move a muscle from where he’s leaning against the wall with his arms crossed.
I was too distracted by Grandma passed out on the floor and bleeding from the head to take him in earlier.
He’s not wearing one stick of the Winslet Fire Department uniform like the other guys.
He’s in a black T-shirt that fits his wide chest much too well and a pair of gray sweatpants.
Lord help me.
He narrows his eyes on me and tips his head a fraction. “I hardly snuck up on you. I’ve been standing here for almost an hour. When did you become so jumpy?”
I take a step back to put some space between us. “I’m not jumpy. I didn’t see you standing there. Why are you still here?”
“I wanted to make sure Alice is okay. Despite the fact that she hates me, I do care about her.” His arms fall to his sides as he cuts the distance between us.
I tip my head back to look up at him the closer he gets when what I really want to do is run back to Grandma’s room.
“And I want to know why you’re back. Don’t think about giving me some shit story about being closer to your family.
If that were the case, you wouldn’t have stayed away so long in the first place. ”
Despite my exhaustion that has nothing to do with being on my feet all day, working two jobs, or singing for three nights straight, my heart speeds.
My emotions were tattered before we found Grandma passed out.
I’m downright spent. More than anything, I hate that Payne is right—I am jumpy.
I’ve been looking over my shoulder for far too long.
Payne demanding to know why I’m back causes it all to crash down on me. I hate that I can’t control it. Tears fill my eyes in an instant. “Don’t pretend to care about me, Payne. Please. With everything swirling around me, that will do me in.”
“I never claimed to care about you.” His tone is so sharp and detached, it slices through me like a knife. “I said I don’t buy your excuse for coming home. I think there’s another reason you’re here.”
I bite the inside of my lip to control my damn tears. “If you don’t care about me, then why does it matter?”
“Because every time I turn around, there you are. It’s like the universe has thrown you in my fucking face and I can’t escape.”
That’s it.
Tears spill down my cheeks as a result of anger and frustration, but beneath it all is a thick foundation of anguish. This isn’t the Payne I know.
Not my Payne.
I swipe away the emotions streaming down my face and shake my head. “I do not want to go head-to-head with you. I was afraid this would happen if I came back.”
“And here I thought you weren’t afraid of anything. You’ve changed and not for the better.”
The most unhumorous laugh erupts from my lips.
“You think I’ve changed? That’s rich coming from you.
You never wanted to live here, and you’re back.
You never wanted to work for your father, and you’re running his damn company while he rots in prison—as he should.
But what really gets me is you spent your entire life doing everything you could to not be like him. Maybe I should ask why you’re here.”
He closes the last bit of distance left between us leaving barely enough room to take a breath. His heat radiates into me right along with the hatred that might as well be tangible.
The hate.
I so get his hate for me.
I was honestly banking on it all those years ago. I needed him to hate me, or else I’d never get over him. And seeing as how he still has me in knots, that proved to be a failed attempt.
I forgot how it felt to be this close to Payne.
Damn.
I’m more pathetic than I thought, because when he growls his next words, my lips part just so I can taste his breath on my tongue.
“You’re right and you’re wrong. I have changed.
I had no choice. I thought I knew where my life would take me, but you ripped that out from under me.
I am a changed man, but that doesn’t mean I’m anything like my fucking father. ”
I stand my ground purely because this will probably be the last time in my life I’ll be this close to him. I want to savor it, even if my last memory will be incensed smoldering tension from Payne Deacon.
I lick my lips and let my eyes wander down his body.
I take my time and wish I could touch him, but there’s no way I’ll allow myself the privilege.
When I work my way up his wide chest, corded neck, square jaw, and finally land on his whiskey eyes, I shoot him a fraction of a smile.
I don’t mean what I say, but I need him to leave me be.
“Spoiler alert—if it walks like it, talks like it, and looks like it, then that’s it. You are your father.”
Rage rolls off him in waves as his jaw tenses, and a muscle jumps in his cheek. “I’ll find out why you’re back. It won’t take me long. Despite the last decade plus some, I know you, Ruby. I hate it, but I do.”
I used to love it that he knew me almost better than myself, but not anymore. No one knows why I’m here but Grandma, and she proved she can keep a secret.
“Good luck.” Payne will never find out why I’m really back if I can help it.
This time, it’s his turn to drag his gaze over my face.
My skin warms when his gaze wanders down to my breasts that are still sitting high and tight in my red dress.
A smile tugs at his lips, but it’s sly and scares me.
“I don’t need luck, Ruby. I’m that good.
If anyone is intimately familiar with that, it’s you. ”
I suck in a shallow breath of air.
He doesn’t stop there. “And because I know you’re wondering, I’m not just good anymore. I’m a fucking beast. Brace, baby. I’m going to get to the bottom of what’s going on with you for the sheer fact you don’t want me to.”
Oh, he did not call me baby.
I wish I had a comeback, but his endearment—no matter how nasty it sounds—wipes the snark right out of me.
I fold my arms across my breasts because my damn nipples don’t give a shit that Payne has turned into a grade-A asshole. They only care about his proximity after all these years. I shift to the side and take a step back. “She’ll be fine, by the way.”
The spot between Payne’s brows crinkles.
I hike a brow. “My grandma ... Alice? Remember her? She’s the reason we’re here, and the so-called reason you stayed.”
Payne’s expression falls.
“I hardly recognize you. You really are turning into your dad.” I don’t have the energy for this or anything else. This is my version of calling Uncle. “Thank you for taking care of Grandma tonight. Blake and I were scared. For a moment, I thought we lost her.”
“Ruby, stop.”
I ignore him and turn for Grandma’s room.
“Dammit,” he hisses.
I congratulate myself for not looking back.
When I get to Grandma’s room, Blake is helping her off the gurney. She’s lost all vim and vigor and looks as tired as I feel.
“She’s officially discharged,” Blake announces.
“Take me home, kiddos. I’m tuckered out.”
I take Grandma’s other hand and give it a squeeze. “Let’s blow this joint. We’ll help you manage this, and I promise we’ll do it without making you miserable.”
“You’d better not,” Grandma grumbles. “I’ll kick you both out.”
I turn and press my lips to her cheek. “You love us too much, Grandma. You’d never do that.”