20. Chapter Twenty
Chapter Twenty
R owan couldn’t hide her disappointment when David picked her up at the small airport in Colorado, not Gerard.
“Mr. Barrett said he’d see you at the cabin.”
Had she been relegated to nothing more than a guest? Rowan felt her ire rising even as her breathing struggled. Welcome back to high altitude Colorado. She settled into the back seat, and they were quickly on their way.
Why hadn’t Gerard met her? Her mother said they were here to talk, and he was the best at setting the scene for the right kind of outcome. He didn’t want to talk in the car; that was apparent. But what outcome did he foresee?
She spent the entire ride trying to divine that answer, trying to hold on to a lingering anger over his mistrust of her. When they pulled into the cabin driveway, she was no closer to understanding him than when the plane had touched down at the airport.
David opened her door. Once she stepped out, he handed her bag to her. “Mr. Barrett said to go right in.” He got back in the driver’s seat.
“Wait, you’re not staying?”
“No, ma’am.” He looked rather pleased to be getting out of there. “I’ll be in Cripple Creek if you need me. You have my number.” He backed out faster than he needed to and disappeared down the road. With a shake of her head, Rowan turned to the door. Now that she was here, any confidence she’d shored up during the flight disappeared, replaced by an overwhelming sense of dread.
She loved Gerard with a passion she’d never known before. Walking through the door would either deliver her heart’s desire or slam her face into a granite reality. The only way to find out was to open it.
Taking a deep breath and squaring her shoulders, Rowan opened the door and stepped inside. The main room was empty, which was kind of anti-climactic. She set her bag down when movement at the kitchen window caught her attention. Gerard stood outside, watching her.
She walked through the kitchen and stood in front of the sink. Even through the window, she could see he’d lost sleep. Like she had. He looked toward the door, then back at her. Wow. The most assured man she’d ever met didn’t seem to know what to do.
All the anger and pain inside her faded away. There was nothing but this moment, this new beginning, and Rowan knew what she had to do. She took the first step. Walked to the patio door and outside.
He watched her with wary eyes. Rowan didn’t stop. She walked right up to him and, needing to touch him, raised a hand to his cheek.
He flinched.
“I’m not going to slap you, if that’s what you’re thinking.”
“You’d have every right to.”
Yes, but that didn’t matter now. All that mattered was that she was here with the man she loved. Hopefully, they’d get another chance, and if they did, she damn sure was going to do it right this time.
“I’ve missed you.”
The misery in his eyes lightened. He held her hand to his cheek. “We need to talk.”
“Yes.” But first— She stood on tiptoes and pulled his head down to hers. She kissed him, a light peck. “I needed that.”
He rolled a strand of her hair around his finger. “I needed that more.”
He stepped back and held out his hand. Rowan put hers in his and let him lead her to the chairs where they’d made their pact. She chuckled.
“What’s funny?”
“I was just thinking about how na?ve we both were, deciding that we could have sex without it interfering with business.”
“I’ve never been called na?ve in my life, but you’re right.”
His voice rolled over her like a warm shower after a day in the snow. God, she’d missed talking to him. Listening to him.
She sat in one of the Adirondack chairs. He let go of her hand, and she almost grabbed it back. Now that she was here, she needed that touch. He wasn’t gone for long though. He pulled the other chair toward her, sat, and reached for her hand, cupping it between his.
“I’m so sorry I didn’t listen to you.”
Wow. The man had a lot of pride. Rowan figured she’d need to drag that statement out of him. Rowan had spent the flight and drive shoring up her defenses, readying her arguments, and preparing to fight for them. Maybe he’d done the same thing.
For the first time since the night he’d shown up at her condo, a glimmer of hope eased the ache in her heart.
“Thank you for that.”
“You shouldn’t forgive me so easily. I assumed guilt over innocence. I should have trusted you.”
“True. I’m glad you’ve recognized that. You’ve spoken to my mother, I presume.”
Gerard looked down at the stone patio, then back up. “I don’t expect you to believe me, but I planned to get you here to the cabin so we could talk before she ever contacted me.”
“She reached out to you?” That surprised her, though it shouldn’t. Her mother was good at charity work because she was a fixer by nature.
“She did. Told me all about Finn’s involvement.”
That’s not the half of it. But it wasn’t time for that discussion. She bit her lip, and Gerard’s eyes dipped, his hand tightening on hers. If she could still affect him like this, maybe there was a chance for them.
“I owe you just as big an apology,” Rowan said. “My mother’s maiden name is McCarthy. Before I graduated from university, I legally changed my name.”
“Why?”
She straightened. “I wanted to make my own name in the financial world, not be a protégé of a process I didn’t believe in.”
He nodded, loosening his hold and running his thumb over her hand.
“I should have told you.”
“Yes.”
“But not when you first hired me. Later, once I’d had some time to show you what I could accomplish.”
Gerard shook his head. “You should have told me right away.”
“You never would have given me a chance.”
“I would have.”
Rowan pulled her hand from his and sat back, disbelief pulling her face taut.
Gerard scrubbed his face. “All right, maybe not.”
“You think?”
He stood up and paced a few steps away. “We both made mistakes, didn’t we.”
“We did.” Rowan tucked her hands under her legs. The moment had come. The next few minutes would decide whether there was a chance for them or not.
“I’m not good at relationships.”
She opened her mouth to refute that. He couldn’t see her because he was still turned away, gazing out at the view. But he held up a hand to still her words. “I’d like to finish.”
“All right.”
“As I said, I’m not good at relationships. Though, even as I say that, I have to acknowledge that I can’t know that for certain. I have a decent, if vexing relationship with my parents. And my relationship with Emersyn isn’t as close as it could be.” He turned so she could see him. “I’ve never been in love. Never had time for it. I didn’t understand my feelings, and I panicked. I took the easy way out. The wrong way.” He scrubbed his face. “With you, I find myself in uncharted territory.”
She stood, intent on going to him, setting the man straight, until his hand came up again.
“If you get near me, I won’t be able to say this.”
Chewing her lower lip to keep the words in, she nodded. It had better be her turn soon, or she was going to burst.
Gerard shoved his hands deep in his pockets. “I have always been driven by a need to succeed. Business is in my genes, but also my bones, my brain, my heart.” A poignant smile touched his face. “You’re not the only one who graduated top of their class with two degrees.”
She smiled. She hadn’t known that.
“Now I’m torn between that and the side of me that wants to carry you off to that bed inside and keep you there for all eternity. And I don’t know how to marry the two. I have absolutely no idea what to do.”
Unsure if he said the last sentence to her or to himself, she waited. They stood there, feet from each other, yet it felt like a wide chasm. He looked miserable, like a man whose whole world had been torn apart.
Unable to wait one more moment, she leaped forward and into his surprised arms, hugging him tight. Gerard hugged her back just as tight, resting his head on hers. She could feel his heart beating wildly in his chest, just like hers.
After a long time, she lifted her head to look up. “Is it my turn to talk now?”
He smiled. “Yes, it’s your turn.”
“Good.” She hugged him again. She wasn’t going anywhere until she had her say. “I haven’t known love either, at least, not like this. And I’ve been very focused on my career. I was attracted to you from the start. In fact, if working at Barrett hadn’t been such a feather in my cap, I might not have taken the job. I didn’t need entanglements. Didn’t want them slowing me down.”
“Neither of us did,” he said.
“Right.” Rowan took a step back from him, pointing between them. “This thing between us, it’s larger than life. And people make it work all the time.”
“I’m not people.”
There was the arrogant man she’d fallen for. “Neither am I. But we’re smart. It’s okay to have a life focus and a career focus. It happens all the time.”
“So does divorce.”
“Yes, my parents are divorced. But yours aren’t.”
“No, but I can’t say they have a good marriage, either. I think they stay with each other because it’s all they know.”
“Well, then, we have to be smarter than them. I can’t imagine this feeling I have for you ever diminishing, but I know that if I don’t follow it, don’t do everything I can to be with you, I’ll regret it the rest of my life. And, by the way, I’ll also be miserable. This past month has been terrible.”
He pulled her closer, ran a hand over her hair, and wound a strand around his finger. “For me too.” Gerard cupped her head in both his hands, turning her face up to him. “I love you, Rowan McCarthy. More than I ever thought possible.”
“And I love you more than Richie Rich’s vault full of money.”
He grinned. “So we’re going to do this.”
She breathed out, letting the last of her worries fade away. “I’m so glad you made that a statement, not a question.”
He leaned in, pausing just before their lips touched. Rowan tangled her fingers behind his neck. “I’m never letting you go,” she said, then pulled him in.
One kiss turned into another, each one a vow of love between them. A sacred promise to each other. A soothing of heart and soul, until warmth grew, and they moved to the bedroom.
She pulled her shirt over her head.
He did the same, then reached for the snap on her jeans as she reached for the belt buckle of his slacks. Once the clothing was gone, he lifted her until their lips touched again. Then he tossed her onto the bed, making Rowan yelp.
“Woman, I have been dreaming of this ever since that night.” His eyes gleamed as he joined her, pulling the breath from her with his kisses. “I intend to relearn every bit of your body, to prove that you are my one. My only. Stay with me.”
“Forever,” she whispered as he proceeded to do exactly what he’d promised. They came together in a blistering explosion of passion, surrounded and cocooned with a love so strong they would never get enough of each other.
The next morning, over naked breakfast that became more play than actually getting sustenance into their bodies, Gerard reached for his phone with Rowan ensconced on his lap.
“What are you doing?”
“Wiring a hundred grand to an account I have with the guys I play poker with.”
Her eyes widened. “That’s a lot of money. What’s it for?”
He grinned. “I lost a bet.”
“You—you lost a hundred thousand dollar bet?”
“Yes.” His grin widened.
“And you’re happy about that?”
“Yes.”
“Are you crazy?”
“Not at all. Best bet I ever lost.” His lips tugged upward in the biggest smile he’d ever had. Gerard couldn’t help it. He’d never been happier than he was at this moment. Losing that bet was the best thing that ever happened to him.
“What was the bet?”
“Two years without a woman. On our arm or in our bed.”
Her eyes widened. “Holy shit. I’m glad you lost it, but that’s a lot of money.”
“I think that bet helped open my eyes. Reverse psychology. So, worth it. Totally.”
He ran a hand up her side, causing Rowan to squirm and giggle. “Seems I’m not the only one who’s ticklish.” He grabbed for her, but she pushed off and ran away. He caught her at the foot of the bed, and the day fell away as they surrounded themselves with nothing but each other.
Later, after a shower that was as much fun as the bed, Rowan lay in Gerard’s arms in wonder. Yesterday, she’d seen nothing but a bleak future ahead of her. Today, the sun blinded her. All because they chose to take a chance on love.
“Penny for your thoughts,” he said, tucking her in more snugly to his side.
“I was thinking about how much has changed. How bright the future looks.”
“Together,” he murmured into her hair.
“Together,” she answered, feeling the tug of sleep.
“Oh, remind me later to tell you something Mom told me,” she murmured.
“What’s that?” His voice was husky with sleep.
“Nothing that can’t wait.”
“Mmmm.”
She lay listening as his breathing slowed, mulling over all the surprises the past couple days had wrought. And finally drifted off with a smile that wouldn’t stop and a heart bursting with happiness.
Together.