10. Ari
10
ARI
Y es, I was in fact hiding in the bathroom of the hotel suite while I used the phone and called on the secure line. I needed the running water to muffle my voice as I made the embarrassing call.
Taryn answered with a cheeky “What’s up, buttercup? How is our secret mission going?”
“Um, Taryn, I need help.”
Immediately, her voice turned serious and flat. Red-alert mode. Full focus. “Are you hurt? Where are you?”
“No, I’m not hurt. It’s not like that. Um, I—I kissed him.”
She was silent for a moment. “Explain.”
“Okay, here’s the deal: Damon said that I was uncomfortable.”
There was a moment’s hesitation on the line. “What do you mean, uncomfortable ?”
“When we were meeting with a contact for the mission, we had to touch a lot, and he said I was stiff. And we’ll have to touch a lot during the auction to seem like a couple in love.”
She let out a long sigh. “I get the impression I know where this is going.”
I hurried to finish so she’d get the full view of my mortification quickly. “So he was trying to figure out a way to pull off the mission without me.”
“Idiot,” she muttered.
“Exactly.”
“So then what happened?”
“Well, I told him to kiss me. That we should practice, because when I practice things, I get more comfortable with them.”
“Oh, right. That’s very practical of you. It’s like an inoculation.”
I knew she’d get me. “That’s exactly what I said. So then we practiced.”
She was silent for a long beat. “And?”
Oh, she wanted me to dish. “Um, it was good. I don’t know. I feel weird and tingly.”
“You have been kissed before.”
“I know that. Except this time, it felt... I don’t know. Hotter, I guess.”
“All right, that’s not a bad thing. Honey, have you never been, like, fully aroused?”
What kind of question was that? I was an adult in possession of a vibrator.
But you’ve had stunted development in so many ways.
I was aroused plenty when I was on my own. But somehow I’d never really been able to connect to someone else that way. I’d tried to be open to anyone, regardless of gender. I’d assumed I was asexual. Nope. Apparently I was just Damonsexual .
“I have, you know, like tingly crush feelings. It’s like I suddenly see what all the fuss is about. And oh my God...”
She chuckled softly. “Welcome to the gang. I’m so happy that you get to experience this.”
Nope. That was the wrong response. “How do I turn it off?”
Another long pause from Taryn. “Turn it off?”
“I mean I don’t want to feel like this.” Certainly not in the field. It was distracting.
“Well, I’m sorry to have to tell you this, but you can’t exactly turn it off.”
“I don’t want it. This is complicated .”
Her laugh was a soft trill, like she was really enjoying my predicament. “Yes, the best situations usually are.”
“What am I supposed to do with this feeling?”
“Well, how about you enjoy it?”
“I don’t want to enjoy it. I want to make it stop.”
She chuckled. “Okay, so the concern is that you enjoyed it?”
“Yes, because, oh my God, what if he kisses me in front of people again, and this time I faint or something?”
I could visualize her rolling her eyes. “You’re not going to faint.”
“Are you sure?”
She was silent for a moment. “Just how good of a kiss was this?”
“Good. Really, really good.”
“Well, in that case, problem solved.”
What the hell did she mean by that? “Taryn, focus.”
“I don’t see the problem, Ari. He makes you hot. You’re pretending to be in love. If he kisses you in public and gets you hot, everyone will believe you’re in love. Easy. It’s for the mission.”
Ugh. She had a point there. “Well, what am I supposed to do about the other feeling?”
“Oh, the one where you think it’s real?”
“Yes.” The more time I spent with him, the more I started to see him differently. Like the man he was now. Not like the boy he’d been.
“Ignore it. Pretend you are not having those feelings at all. You’re good at pretending. Or even better, use the feelings for the role. Think of it as going method. Those feelings are dangerous for you, post mission. But we’re not going to worry about post mission right now. Do what you need to do, come home, and then you and I will cry about it over ice cream before we get you on the dating market.”
“What if I don’t get over it when I come home?”
“You will. And if you felt something, he’s definitely feeling something too. What happened after he kissed you?”
“Oh, he cleared his throat and said, That’s enough practice. And then he squared his shoulders and walked away.”
“Oh, that’s a good thing.”
“I don’t know what that means.”
“That means he likely had a very potent reaction to your kiss and went somewhere to calm down.”
“Oh.”
“There’s no need to worry,” she assured me. “You’re doing great.”
“So, I shouldn’t practice anymore?”
She chuckled at that. “Well, I personally say practice as much as you think is necessary.”
I sighed. “I have zero experience at this. I’ve had sex with two people. And it was always boring. And honestly, every time I had sex, I stared at the ceiling and made my grocery lists. I have kissed people before, but I’ve never felt like that .”
“Well, think of him as practice for how it should feel. Also, keep in mind that sometimes the people who are really good kissers are not the people we try and keep, okay?”
“Keep him? There’s no way I’m keeping him.”
“Good, just remember how he made you feel before, and it’ll be easier to get over him.”
“Frustrated. Annoyed. Angry.”
“Exactly. But if he happens to be a good kisser, then the more practice, the better. Just remember that he doesn’t have the ability to pull you off the mission. Only Galen does. You’ve got this.”
“Yeah. Thanks, Taryn.”
“Oh my God, I love you. You’re adorable. Go out there and act completely nonchalant. He will not suggest taking you off the mission again.”
“But I’m chalanting. Totally chalanting here.”
“The key is to act like you’re not. You know all those meetings where you sort of mirror other people’s emotions so you don’t have to feel your own?”
“Yeah.”
“Kind of like that.”
“Okay. I can do that.”
“The auction is in a matter of days. There’s no way Galen’s changing the plan, right?”
“Right. I know that.”
“Then go, have fun, be amazing. Okay?”
“Yeah, okay. Hey, Taryn? Thanks.”
“Anytime.”
So all I had to do was be nonchalant. Probably a lot easier said than done with that insistent throbbing between my thighs. However, I had set out to prove myself, and that was exactly what I was going to do. I wasn’t going to let Damon Hunt stop me. Doing this job meant pleasing an important client. That was the goal. And I could finally prove that I wasn’t my father. So, despite those oh-so-sweet tingly feelings Damon inspired, I had to shut that emotional shit down. The goal wasn’t to find out all the awesome things about sex. And I had to keep my eyes on the prize.