Chapter 49
CHAPTER FORTY-NINE
EMMA
“So, what do you think?” The realtor with the artificially white smile tapped the stainless steel counter of the commissary kitchen. “A new shift will be available in June. It’s the twelve a.m. to six-thirty slot. We could lock you in for a year. Hopefully by then, a day shift will open up.”
Emma hesitated, gripping the handles of her mother’s wheelchair.
Days had passed, and everything had changed.
Leo’s project had been approved against all odds, and through some miracle of nepotism, he had gotten a new job as minister of charitable giving.
Her unspoken dream of him living in New York was officially dead.
Emma had been slamming through freelance project after freelance project, willing the endless cascade of tasks to distract her from the aching absence that followed her like a ghost. No matter how busy he was, Leo had called her every night before he went to bed.
The calls were the best part of her day.
His dreams were full speed ahead, but hers were floundering.
Maybe it was the fact that the sun hadn’t been out since she returned home, or the inherent unnerving nature of being on the verge of such a major change, but something felt wrong.
Her business still didn’t have a name, and her zest for elaborately decorated cakes had somehow evaporated.
Her thoughts returned often to the soup kitchen in Lynoria and the townspeople who had been visibly grateful to sample her pastries.
What was the point of all this?
“What do you think, sweetheart?” her mother prompted.
Emma blinked. “Sorry.”
Get it together. This was the plan, the only path forward. The only way to make a better life for her mom. She wasn’t about to change it for a boy she had just met.
“Uh, the shift isn’t ideal,” she said. “Sometimes a decorating shift alone takes eight hours. And what about storage? Or if the shift before me doesn’t clean adequately and I have to spend half of it cleaning and sanitizing?”
The realtor’s smile dimmed by several watts.
“There is some storage space available for an extra fee. You won’t find a cheaper solution for your needs.
We can look at turnkey units or private kitchen rentals, but that’s easily going to be three to four times more expensive, and they’re less likely to have the type of equipment you need.
At this point in your business, a commissary is your best bet. ”
Emma sighed and took in the steel surroundings.
While it felt good to be back in a proper kitchen again, it wasn’t what she had imagined.
A commissary was, theoretically, the perfect solution.
It was only thirty minutes from her apartment.
She didn’t need to buy her own equipment.
The night shift, however, was problematic.
Her mom regularly needed to use the restroom at night, and she had fallen the last time she attempted it on her own.
And Emma would have to sleep during the day, which would double the amount of danger.
Then there was the fact that her dad could stop by at any point the next time he was released from prison.
“I’ll need to think about it,” she blurted. She wasn’t in the correct headspace to make a year-long commitment.
“Okay, but the owners will need your answer before the new year or they’ll look for someone else to fill the shift.”
“I understand. Thank you.”
The gray sky was fading to black, and the wind was bitterly cold when Emma ducked out the door onto the streets of downtown Brooklyn.
The smell of urine was strong on the sidewalk, and her eyes watered as she kicked half a dozen pieces of trash on her way to the crosswalk.
It couldn’t have been more different than the curving cobblestone streets of Lynoria.
She adjusted the blanket on her mother’s lap and headed for the subway station.
This was supposed to be the most magical time of the year. Christmas Eve was in two days, and although she and her mom had resumed their daily celebrations, it didn’t feel the same as it used to. Like someone had put a crappy sepia-toned filter on her world and the colors were stubbornly muted.
Leo’s groundbreaking would be held on Christmas Eve. And she wouldn’t even be there to see the start of the project that had nearly cost him everything.
“Let’s take a detour,” she said to her mom, who agreed.
Without a firm plan, they went down an elevator and boarded a train in the opposite direction from home. She could recapture the Christmas spirit.
They exited in Bay Ridge, and her mother gasped. “Dyker Heights? We haven’t been in years.”
“I thought it might be nice.”
Emma’s hands were frozen by the time the blaze of Christmas lights appeared on the horizon.
The neighborhood decorated to the nines every year.
They pushed their way through a throng of people shivering in the cold.
Inflatable Santas bobbed on balconies. Trees drooped beneath nets of flashing red-and-green lights.
Children stared in awe at glittering reindeer and ten-foot-tall nutcrackers.
It was Christmas in New York at its merriest and most spectacular.
It was beautiful and temporary, just like one of her cakes.
So why didn’t it feel right?
New York had everything she needed.
You know what Lynoria didn’t have? Korean food. Corn dogs. Broadway. The Met. The only feasible market for her business. Not to mention an expansive public transportation system, some of which was even ADA compliant.
Tension was building in her body, and it grew with each elaborately decorated house.
“Are you okay, sweetheart?” Lisa asked. “If we go any faster, we’re going to mow down a Santa.”
Emma pulled to a stop. “I…I don’t know.”
Her mom twisted to look at her. “It’s okay if it doesn’t feel like it used to. That’s the thing about new experiences. They tend to reframe everything.”
“What if I want to do more than just bake cakes?” she blurted. “I could do more. Be more. Help people. But I can’t just abandon my plan.”
Lisa smiled. “It’s okay to change your mind. You should trust the part of you that wants to grow and change.”
“But I’m scared, Mom.”
“That’s how you know it’s the right decision. Growth is terrifying. Admitting you want more, deserve better. You know how hard it was for me to leave your father.”
“I know.”
“It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. We lost our home, our family unit. But that decision, while it felt impossible, opened up the most wonderful years of my entire life. Watching you grow into this remarkable young woman despite everything I put you through as a child—”
Emma sniffed. “It wasn’t you, Mom.”
“But I didn’t leave. Not soon enough. I’ll carry that guilt around with me for the rest of my life.” She stroked a hand over the part of the coat covering Emma’s scar. “You are braver and more capable than you know. Don’t wait to do the big, scary thing. Tell Leo how you’re feeling.”
“What if he doesn’t feel the same way?”
“There’s only one way to find out.”