Chapter 63
sixty-three
PARKER
I strayed from every conversation I could. My mother was ready to strangle me. My sisters kept trying to pull me back in. Dinner was at half-eight and cake at half-nine. If I could hold on until then, I’d tick all the boxes and could disappear. My mother insisted on trotting me around like a prized showjumper. The women she introduced me to were pretty and well-bred. Some were even charming. None were as lovely, pretty, or funny as Astrid. I compared everyone to her. It pained me to think of ending the evening without her at this great big party. She was the only reason I agreed to it. I wanted to show her a good time and knew she’d like a big to-do.
“I was at Oxford,” said an Earl’s daughter—a brunette with legs for days.
I should have wanted her. I didn’t.
“Oh, good,” I said. “And what did you study?”
“Art History.”
Ah, the ultimate degree for ladies who lunch .
“Interesting.”
“And you study?”
“Politics,” I answered .
I saw the seas in the room parting for Amara. Beside her, in a beautiful aubergine dress, was Astrid. I couldn’t stop staring. It wasn’t pleasant, but I couldn’t ignore her. I wanted to run over and sweep Astrid up in a big, romantic kiss.
“Apologies. Could you… excuse me?” I asked.
I didn’t wait for the girl’s answer, jetting over to find Astrid and Amara speaking with Niall. Astrid looked nervous. If she’d planned this, she looked unsure.
“Astrid… you came,” I said.
“I did,” Astrid agreed meekly.
It was unlike her.
I couldn’t hold back, cupping her face and kissing her like we’d been separated for years rather than mere days. Caught off guard, it took Astrid a moment to respond. Eventually, she grabbed my jacket lapels and kissed me back. I pulled away, now aware we were in an incredibly packed ballroom and I was being downright rude.
“I love you,” I said. “Thank you for coming.”
“I love you, too. I’m sorry?—”
“Don’t be. Shit happens.” I kissed her forehead. “God, I missed you!”
She beamed, tears in her eyes.
“Come with me!” I pulled her, sprinting past my approaching eldest sister.
Astrid kept up—even in her heels. I dragged her into the library, locked the door, and pressed her against it, kissing her again like no tomorrow. She relaxed, happy to be close. Words failed as they often did with us. The connection never wavered. I loved this woman wholeheartedly with every fibre of my being. Having her back felt euphoric.
“Parker, we need to talk,” Astrid said.
“I know,” I said. “But we can talk about it later—and it won’t change anything.”
“Anything?”
“You are the love of my life, Astrid. Distance matters not. You care so much about me you came here. I am not about to leave. I wish I could have told you that—formed any useful words the other night. You were honest with me, and I should have??—”
“I shouldn’t have gone on the defensive.”
“We’re both bruised from life,” I said. “When Dad died, everything fell apart. I took on so much and had so little joy. My research was all that made me feel human—until you. Astrid, you make me so very happy. You are my partner and my greatest cheerleader. I adore you. It hurts to give my heart to someone, fearing they will shatter it in a million pieces. That’s happened before. I put up walls, but… you are so worth it.”
Tears ran down her round pink cheeks, and I wiped them away.
“I love you, Parker. I am so used to everyone leaving.”
“I’m not. We’ll make it work. We’ll find a way.”
“I cannot ask you to give up everything?—”
“I cannot ask you to give up on your dream, either. You aren’t asking me to give up anything I care much about. Can I not give up a little? You must put up with all of this to be with me. It’s worth it to concede a bit.”
She gestured around. “All of this is…“
I chuckled. “It’s not much. Trust me.”
Astrid shook her head and slowly kissed me. I soaked up how she smelled, how her lips felt pressed to mine, and how good it was to hold her alone and unbothered.
“No. It’s not. It will never be perfect. Even you aren’t perfect. You are just perfectly imperfect—perfect for me,” Astrid said.
That choked me up. I loved this woman, and I’d do anything for her—anything I could. I worried it would not be enough. But, for now, she was back. I’d be unhappy forever if I didn’t focus on the positive. I kissed her again, pressing her harder into the big wooden door.
“We never finished what we started,” Astrid said. “I still owe you that.”
“You owe me nothing,” I chuckled.
“It’s your birthday, Parker, and I forgot your gift at home.”
“What was it?”
“A pair of trainers. I know you prefer them to all else. ”
“A perfect gift,” I said, wishing so badly I could take her here.
If I did, we’d miss dinner, and she’d be a mess. I wouldn’t introduce us to society as a couple like this. She deserved something more honourable than that.
Someone banged on the door. “Parker, if you are in there, you better have a damn good explanation!”
Mother was in a mood.
“Mum, I am. I was having a conversation and will be back out soon.”
“We are starting dinner momentarily.”
“Fine. I’ll be there,” I said. “Leave me be!”
“Do not?—”
“Mother, I will be there in a goddamn minute. If you say anymore, I will leave!”
She grumbled but didn’t press.
“She’s obnoxious,” Astrid whispered. “Why so aggro?”
“She’s going to be livid to contend with you.”
“Why?”
“Because I think someday she and I both know you will be the lady of the house, and she’ll have to follow orders or face your wrath.”
Astrid looked down. “Parker, I love you but must finish what I started.”
I pulled her chin towards mine. “I know, my love. I will gladly wait until you are ready, but I want you—all of you. And I will wait as long as you need.”