Chapter 24 #2
“Do you think I haven’t been keeping up with the countless podcasts that have been created around this competition?”
“Oh, God. I can only imagine what they’re saying about us,” Adelaide rolled her eyes.
“Well, Miss Levy,” Sam continued, using her courtroom voice, “they have been quite generous to you since you’re a school teacher who is—and I quote—‘of the people and for the people.’ They love that your dad is a veteran, and after the school drive, your ratings skyrocketed.”
“Ratings? Are there approval ratings on us or something? That’s disgusting.” I chimed in.
“Yeah girl, you’re right behind Adelaide.”
“I need a drink,” Adelaide grumbled.
“Me, too,” Mel agreed.
“You guys head down. I’m going to jump in the shower real quick and then I’ll be down.”
I headed into the closet, stripping off Knox’s shirt and putting it in a neat pile next to my suitcase. If I was going to be able to function, I needed to wash Knox’s scent off me. It was triggering too many memories that I just couldn’t handle right now.
I was washing my hair, trying not to think about how the shampoo smelled of jasmine instead of mint, when Sam cracked open the door.
“Hey, Bee?” Her tone was wary.
“What’s up?” I answered, waving her into the bathroom.
“I just got a social media alert. There’s been another article…” her voice trailed off as she leaned against the vanity.
“Fuck. What is it this time? The articles have been so benign lately, I thought the nasty stuff was over.”
“It’s a blog post by Alistair Davies. Do you want me to read it to you or give you the Cliff Notes version?”
Alistair Fucking Davies. I was not in the headspace to deal with his bullshit right now. This was the last thing I needed.
“Gimme the summary,” I said, my jaw clenched as I worked conditioner through my hair.
“Well, it’s pretty much only about you. There’s a bunch of photos in here, but they all look like they were taken from a distance.
There’s one of you by yourself in a greenhouse.
There’s another of you looking panicked at the tree cutting.
And there’s one of you dashing into the bathroom at the palace with your hand clamped over your mouth.
The gist of the article is that you’re mentally unstable, unpredictable, and regularly drink in excess.
I think these photos are supposed to be ‘proof.’ They’re noted as being from an ‘unnamed source close to the competition.’ Oh, and it brings up the airport vibrator situation again. Apparently, you’re also ‘sex crazed.’”
I stood still for a moment, water and anger washing over me in equal measure. Renata. She had to be behind this.
“Bee, are you ok?” Sam asked quietly, breaking into my thoughts.
“I think I need a minute, Sam. Can you go ahead to the party? I’ll meet you down there.”
“Sure,” she said, closing the bathroom door behind her as she left.
I took the rest of the shower to gather myself. Well, at least you have something else to worry about besides Knox, I thought wryly.
After putting on an oversized knit sweater and leggings, I doused myself in my perfume and followed the sound of music and voices downstairs to the billiards room.
Vince hadn’t been kidding when he said he was throwing a party.
I walked in to find far more people than I had expected, with each arrival being checked off a list and screened by security at the door.
Along with the women that I knew, there were probably a dozen people I had never seen before, including a group of women in their early twenties dancing on the pool table in the middle of the room.
A bar was set up in the corner of the room, filled with every kind of liquor imaginable and half a dozen varieties of beer.
I looked around the room for Sam, not spotting her anywhere.
I felt eyes on me and turned to find Knox and Oliver by the floor-to-ceiling bookcase on the opposite wall.
Knox held a bottle of beer in one hand and had the other propped against a shelf as he talked to Oliver.
His eyes watched me intently. Oliver spotted me and waved.
Nope, nope, nope. Can’t do this yet.
Since Sam was nowhere to be found, I made a split-second decision and darted out the open doors to the terrace, where I found Adelaide and Tej chatting by the stone railing.
“Hey,” I said in greeting, hoping I didn’t look as flustered as I felt.
“Hey, Birdie,” Tej smiled at me. “How are you feeling? I heard about your mishap in the palace kitchen.”
“I’m much better. Thanks for asking,” I said, my heart warming. Tej was one of my favorites of Oliver’s friends. He was genuinely kind and never seemed to have an ulterior motive. He cared about the people around him regardless of social standings or clout.
I spotted Renata, Gemma, and Ginny through the doorway as they strolled arrogantly into the billiards room. “Ew, why are they here?”
“Chauncey invited Ginny and she brought the other two,” Tej answered, rolling his eyes.
I turned to Adelaide. “Have you seen Sam?” I had to find her before I threw caution to the wind and punched Renata right in her smug face.
“I thought I heard her say that she and Mel were going to try and find a bathroom or food or something?”
Neither of them mentioned the article. I hoped no one else had seen it yet; I wasn’t ready to be the laughingstock of the party.
I could feel blue eyes on me again and when I looked, Oliver and Knox were making their way through the billiards room to the terrace.
“I’m going to go look for Sam.” I sidestepped the group as the men approached, pointing over my shoulder as I backed away.
“I'll help you,” Knox offered.
“No!” I said far too quickly. “I’m good. I can find her myself.”
Oliver looked between the two of us, clearly questioning the awkward exchange.
He knows. I know he knows. I’m a shit liar and it’s probably all over my face. He’s going to know and freak out and kick me out of his country for being a big fat jerk for sleeping with his best friend when I was supposed to be here courting him.
Wait, no. He’ll kick me out for being a mentally unstable, sex-crazed drunk who slept with his best friend.
Fucking damnit.
I booked it inside and down the hall. I heard Knox calling my name, but I didn’t turn around. Moving faster, I sprinted into the kitchen, figuring I could hide in the walk-in pantry for a few minutes until Knox gave up his search.
I opened the pantry door and jumped back in shock. I had found Sam: She was locked in an embrace with Mel, her hand up Mel’s shirt as they made out, neither one noticing me.
“Birdie?” Knox’s voice came from right outside the kitchen.
Fuck it. I stepped into the pantry and closed the door.
“Birdie!” Mel started. “Um, this isn’t what it looks like.”
Sam’s eyes were wide. “I was just asking Mel if she knew about the article and then…uh…”
“Shh!” I hissed. “I don’t care. I mean, I do care. This…” I waved my hand between the two of them. “...is amazing. Love this for you two. And I want all the details later, but right now I’m hiding from Knox, so just be quiet until he passes.”
“Birdie, you have to talk to him,” Sam whispered.
“No, I don’t. Not right now, anyway.”
I put my ear to the door and waited a few minutes, the breathing of my two friends the only sound I heard. Once I felt certain Knox was gone, I turned around to Sam and Mel.
“I think the coast is clear. I’ll leave you two to get back to what you were doing.
” I winked at them both. “And seriously, this is the only good thing to happen so far today. I want details about this later. Especially from you.” I pointed to Mellie.
“I mean, if you’re okay with talking about it. If not, that’s totally cool.”
I slipped out of the pantry with a wave. I turned into the hallway to head back to the billiards room and was met with a large frame leaning against the wall just outside the kitchen.
Shit.
“Are you ready to stop avoiding me and talk, or do you want to keep doing this whole cat and mouse thing all night?”
Well, I guess if he’s offering?
Knox gave me a hard stare, not breaking eye contact, waiting for me to answer.
“I’m not avoiding you,” I lied.
“Birdie, you literally ran out of the room after I offered to help you find Sam.”
I grabbed the hem of my sweater and started fiddling with a loose thread on the bottom.
“Knox, I don’t think we should be alone.” I darted into a side sitting room, hoping to find an alternate route back to the party. Spotting only closed doors, I turned back to the doorway where Knox was now standing. He held up an arm to block the door frame.
“Birdie, we have to talk about last night.”
“No, we don’t. What happened, happened. We just got wrapped up in the moment. No need to talk about it further.”
“Is that what you want to go with?”
“Am I wrong?”
Knox watched me for a moment. “You tell me. Last night meant nothing to you?”
“All of this was just supposed to be a fun adventure.”
He took a step further into the room. “Did last night mean nothing to you?”
“I’m supposed to be courting your best friend, your brother. I’m supposed to be deciding if I can accept a proposal from him in a week.” My voice cracked.
“Answer the question, Birdie. Did last night mean something to you?”
“No!” I yelled.
“Bullshit,” he spat, his tone unwavering. “That’s bullshit and you know it. You’re not only lying to me, but yourself.”
“I’m not lying!”
“Yes, you are. You and I both know that last night wasn’t just an ‘in the moment’ type of thing. It was way more than that. Did you think you could just play house with me yesterday and then go running back to Oliver today?”
“No. You’re reading too much into it. It just happened…” I faltered.
“Don’t fucking gaslight me, Birdie. You and I both know that there’s been more between us since day one, but you’re too busy running away from your feelings.
Your dad felt his feelings so deeply that it destroyed him, so you’ve decided it’s safer to just shut yours down completely.
And clearly you don’t want to deal with the repercussions of your actions. ”
My anger flared. “Oh, you want to talk about repercussions? Have you told Oliver that you have feelings for one of the women he’s courting?
” I gave him two seconds to answer and when he didn’t, I continued, “No, you haven’t.
So don’t stand there and chastise me for something you yourself haven’t even done. ”
“Tell me how you truly feel, and I will walk into that party right now and tell everyone about us, to hell with the repercussions.”
“What?” I gasped, my chest growing tight with shock that he would potentially throw his friendships down the drain for me.
“What do you feel, Birdie? Do you love me?”
I couldn’t do this. Not in that place, not in that moment. It was all too much. My body was starting to tighten up and I couldn’t think straight.
He closed the gap between us, mere inches separating us. “Look me in the eyes and tell me you don’t love me, and I will walk away right now and leave you alone and let you move on with your life.” His eyes pleaded with me.
I couldn’t stand there and tell him I loved him when I hadn’t loved anyone else in my life except my family and Sam. How could I acknowledge feelings I couldn’t even name? I had spent years not allowing myself to feel anything besides grief, and even that I had stuffed deep down and pushed away.
Knox didn’t deserve that. He deserved more.
A ball of emotion filled my throat, and I could barely get my answer out.
“I don’t love you, Knox.”
“Okay,” he said. He turned and strode out of the room as my heart plummeted right through the floor and straight to the center of the Earth.