13. Chapter 13
Fitz
I walked Eirene back to the fire after our conversation. She hadn’t held back, and it left me feeling like she’d raked me over the coals. Problems in the kingdom ran deeper than I expected. Years ago, dukes had been appointed to oversee the provinces to ensure the people had food, employment, and everything they needed to be happy and live fulfilled lives. But, if Eirene was right, many had become corrupt and lived indulgent lives while their people suffered. The thought gutted me, and our royal ignorance stung even more.
I reached for Eirene’s hand and, to my surprise, she actually gave it. I wished I felt something more for her, but other than her brilliant mind, I wasn’t attracted to her at all. I was closer to offering her a position as an advisor than I was to asking for her hand in marriage. My lips grazed her knuckles, breathing in the cold from her skin. I couldn’t write her off yet though. Even if romance never bloomed between us, she would be a queen who would challenge my thinking and influence positive change.
“Thank you.” I meant it. “You’ve given me much to think about.”
Her demeanor had softened in our time together. “My deepest gratitude for your sincere interest, Your Highness.”
As she pulled away, I searched my heart, willing some romance to rise to the surface, but other than deep respect, I felt nothing.
“Gwen,” I sought her out by the fire, “fancy a walk?”
After the way she’d acted at the ceremony, I wasn’t sure she would. She’d made it seem like the idea of becoming my wife was beneath her. Leave it to Gwen to keep me humble. If not for the attack and mutiny, it would have been all anyone talked about. Who knew I’d be grateful for a rebellion to spin the news cycle? But I couldn’t leave her behavior unaddressed, either. There had to be consequences.
“I would, Your Highness. Thank you.”
Esme’s mouth shifted to the side, tight with disappointment, but Margaux still squished her marshmallows, completely enthralled with the sensation. I started without Gwen, needing a little space to get my head right. I was nearly twenty paces from the fire before she caught up.
“You’re cross with me, aren’t you?”
Away from the others, she dropped the royalty pretenses and fell into old habits. In that way, she reminded me of Michaela. A friend first, willing to play the game when prudent, but not wanting to keep at it if not absolutely necessary.
“Not cross,” I answered, but it certainly came out brisk.
“That’s what you say when you’re miffed.”
“I’m not.” I sighed at the way I snapped. “Frustrated, Gwen.”
She paused and forced me to turn back to face her. “Disappointed your American didn’t win?”
My brow furrowed with questions. I’d hidden it, or at least I assumed I had. How did she know?
Gwen shrugged and started walking. “I saw the look. Aside from me, she’s the only person you can speak to without saying a single word.” She shook her head. “And don’t think for a second that it doesn’t drive me insane with jealousy.”
In my mind, I begged her to watch her words. The way she phrased things, she was making Michaela seem like more of a threat than she was. They were my friends, but to the outside world, it wouldn’t look that way.
I tried to smooth things over. “I don’t know the others on her team as well. I was looking forward to spending time with them.”
She crossed her arms around herself to keep out the chill, but her laugh turned bitter. “We’ve had gobs of time, Leo. That hasn’t changed anything.”
This again. The spurned woman act. It was getting old.
“I told you. I’m different now.”
She stopped again, but this time gripped my arm to force me to face her. “Let’s get one thing straight before we go any further.” The moon rose high enough that the beams accentuated her high cheekbones and the fuzz that caught moisture on her beanie. “I’ve watched too many couples in our social circle struggle through arranged marriages with no spark between them. I refuse to suffer their fate.”
Coming at it head on, she didn’t leave much room for me to justify my plan. But her direct nature had always left me uneasy. “What are you saying?”
“I’m saying, it’s simple.” Little clouds of vapor puffed from her mouth as she spoke. “We either have chemistry or we don’t.”
“I believe we do,” I argued back. We’d practically gotten each other through our years at university. She knew my standing as a royal; she’d put up with bodyguards, strange travel schedules, and listened to me lament the woes of a future that had been decided from birth. She’d basically acted as my wife for years, at least in a supportive sense. What was different about what I was asking of her now?
“I believe,” she offered her counterpoint, “we have friendship. History even, but we have never sparked, Leonidas.”
Wasn’t I supposed to be the one berating her for her behavior last night? Suddenly I was the one in the trial box awaiting my fate. Thoroughly annoyed, I asked, “What do you suggest then, Gwen?”
“An experiment.” Her lips pressed together once, then parted, almost an invitation. “I have known from the first kiss whether a relationship would survive or not.” She straightened and lifted her chin. “I suggest we do the same.”
For a moment, all I could manage were sounds. Garbled consonants unattached to vowels that made no sense at all because her suggestion had scrambled my brain. Absolutely incredulous, I tried to clarify what I thought I’d heard.
“You want me to kiss you?”
“Yes.” She acted like it was the most normal thing in the world. “There will either be a spark, or we will know there is nothing here for us, and you can let me go tonight.”
Michaela
“What do you mean, you’re a threat?”
“So, you agree,” his grin crept slowly into place, “that you are a threat to the crown? Not seeking clarification there at all?” He frowned as if surprised. “Interesting.
“Answer the question.” I wasn’t about to let him distract me.
He rolled his eyes and turned away. “My father is the king’s brother. It’s a well-known fact that he has no interest in ruling if Leonidas fails to qualify by law. Which means it would fall on my shoulders once my father passes the honor.”
I glanced at his hand as he turned back to face me. “Are you married?”
“No.” His roguish grin only deepened. “Are you offering?” Quirking his eyebrows suggestively, he waited for my answer. I didn’t budge. Bottom lip pouted out as if I’d ruined his fun, he explained. “It’s well known that I don’t have the same need as my cousin to find love in order to marry. Any maiden would do if I wanted to rule, and as you’ve seen, they line up for the job in droves.”
I circled back to what he’d said before. “You said, if you wanted to rule.”
“Yes,” he sucked in both his cheeks as though I’d made this game worse by the moment, “because I have no intention of ruling. I don’t have the attention span or mind for it, and I certainly have never had the love for it like Leo.”
“So, like me,” I needed to make my point, “you’re not a threat at all.”
I didn’t think it was funny, but a deep laugh rolled from his chest. “Quite unlike you, dear Coco.” He bowed mockingly and looked up at me from his slightly prostrate position. “Because unlike you, Lady Michaela, I stand very little chance of mucking it all up, but you, my new, sweet, foreign friend, could make a real bog of the whole thing.”
How? Other than a few faux pas, like the incident with the gate and nearly becoming a human torch, I hadn’t done much to get in the way.
“What are you talking about? I’m here to help Fitz.” I growled under my breath. “I mean, Prince Fitzborough.”
Caught off guard, the stranger’s head tipped a couple degrees. With narrowed eyes, he watched me the way a math teacher analyzed a complicated problem. “You don’t know, do you?”
“Know what?”
He turned away to pace the floor, speaking softly to himself as he went. “Of course, maybe he doesn’t know either.” He turned back to me, finger pointed at my heart. “He’s never told you?”
“Told me what?” My patience was pretty decent, but he had been wearing it thin for a while.
As if I’d confirmed his wicked thoughts, he smiled. “You’re his little secret. That’s the only explanation. For you to be here all these years later, the two of you must have been in some kind of contact, yes?”
Still confused, I answered carefully. “We wrote letters.” What did that have to do with anything?
“Yes, I’m sure. Illegal post because I know for a fact that Leonidas was ordered to sever all ties as a condition of leaving the country for a year.” He looked me over again, but this time more like I was a museum exhibit or one of the seven wonders of the world. “And yet, he kept you. For a bloke who follows every rule with passionate precision, that’s highly unusual, don’t you think?”
His ramblings were full of holes from my perspective, but slowly I pieced it together. Speaking under my breath, I said, “The king and queen don’t know about the letters?”
“Definitely not,” he answered. “And now, I ask you, why would our prince take such a risk on one American girl?”
“Because we’re friends.”
The answer amused him. “Right. Friends .”
What was he… It was like he was suggesting… My mind stumbled like I’d tripped over rocks in the path.
Me and Fitz?
“I have to go.” I reached for the door handle, but he pressed a palm against it to keep it closed.
“The question is, are those feelings reciprocated, milady ?”
“I’m here to help him.” I jerked the door, but it barely budged. “That’s all.”
“And if I’m supposed to believe that—” The door pushed open and shoved him back as Kabir cut off his words. The guard’s large stature filled the doorway as he faced the stranger.
“Bishop. When did you arrive?”
“An hour ago,” the stranger answered.
“Has His Highness seen you?”
“No,” Bishop motioned to me, “but I’ve been keeping Lady Michaela company in the meantime.”
“I see.” Kabir turned to me. “I’ve been sent to fetch you to prepare for the choosing ceremony.” He turned enough to stare at Bishop. “I trust you know your way out?” As if extending a big fat we’re done here his way, Kabir pushed the door open wider.
Bishop tipped an invisible cap my direction. “A pleasure… Coco.” And he left as quietly as he’d entered.
I watched from Kabir’s side as Bishop disappeared around the corner. “That’s the prince’s cousin?”
“Harmless,” Kabir answered the question I hadn’t asked. “But also a well-known playboy. A fickle heart that’s never chosen anyone but himself.”
I frowned, not liking the answer. “Should I keep an eye on him?”
“No, milady.” I swore he chuckled at the thought. “That’s my job.” His gaze shifted to stare at where Bishop had disappeared. “But you should keep your distance.”
Fitz
I stared, positively incredulous. Gwen had gone mad. That was my only explanation for the way she was acting. Raving madness.
“This is looney. You can’t be serious.”
“It’s nothing of the sort,” Gwen defended her actions. “It’s efficient. This way, we won’t waste each other’s time.”
I turned away, raking my nails along my scalp. “We’re only a couple days in. It feels way too early to take a leap like this.”
Gwen refused to let me avoid her proposition and moved to intercept me. “I’ve known you for six years. We’ve been apart for the last two, but nothing about this feels premature.” Her face was pained with the years I hadn’t returned her longing. “It’s more like a culmination or a wind up. All roads have led to this moment.”
Her gloved hands found mine and laced our fingers, hers dainty and pleading in the way she tugged me closer. Butterflies bombarded my stomach like an invading army. Not fluttering and sweet, but aggressive and disconcerting, as if every alarm in my mind was trying to stop. To make the agitation worse, somewhere a camera was lining up for the perfect shot. No way would they miss a second of this.
Gwen moved into my immediate space, shifting my hands to her hips. I looked everywhere but her. She had to know I wasn’t okay. I wasn’t willing to do this, not this soon. But in that sense, she had a point. If the idea of kissing her put me in turmoil, how would I build a marriage with her?
Save Michaela, Gwen was one of my oldest friends. What would this do to our friendship? What was I giving up if I gave in?
“Leo,” her grip locked around the lapels of my coat, securing my focus on her, “this is the only way I’ll continue. If you’re not willing, then I’m leaving. Tonight.”
The air had turned so cold my cheeks burned with stinging pricks. At least with Gwen close, I warmed slightly. It left me wanting to turn into her, purely for the benefit of heat. She’d painted me into a corner. I hated manipulation in any form, but by the same coin, Gwen was my best chance at a decent marriage in the future because at least we had a friendship to fall back on. For her, this step she wanted to take was all she’d ever wanted, but for me, the feelings had never been there.
But there had to be a chance that she was right and crossing this bridge in our relationship would change my mind. The moonlight paled her face, but I focused on her eyes. Tingles erupted over my skin as she pulled closer still. Lips parted, she sought me out, and unsure of how else to proceed, I succumbed.
The last woman I’d kissed was Chantal. The one I thought I would marry. Chantal’s kisses had always been aggressive, sure, and determined. Just like in life, she knew what she wanted and knew how to get there. Gwen had never claimed any of those traits, and her kiss was as delicate as her weakest moments. Chill met heat as she drew closer. Lips pulled on mine, fervent in her need for me apparent in every stolen movement. Her palms eased over my shoulders, then wrapped around the back of my neck. With her height, she didn’t have to struggle and I didn’t have to bend, like we’d been made to fit in this place. Her urgency increased and her grip tightened, unwilling to let go. She was right, all roads had led to this moment, a culmination of what our friendship had become.
I pulled away from her, jaw clenched, breathing erratic, forehead against hers because she wouldn’t give me space beyond that. Her hot breath flashed over my skin, leaving droplets of dew in its wake.
“Leo.” She became breathless, seeking out my lips again. My heart clenched and twisted as the pain of realization sunk in. “That was amazing, wasn’t it? Like souls meeting for the first time.”
I didn’t have words. Confusion clouded my thoughts. Everything had changed with one kiss.
Her lips met mine again, but I couldn’t return it, not without effort.
“What’s wrong?”
I wanted to be anywhere else in the world. Anywhere but staring into her eyes knowing what I knew. She’d felt absolute bliss, fireworks and the full parade, and I felt… nothing.
I could have kissed the back of my hand like I did to practice when I was a teenager and I would have felt more than I did with her. But Gwen was my first choice. Or at least she had been. She was the one who made sense on paper. She checked the boxes. If I had to choose tomorrow, she would have been my future queen, but could I ignore what I knew now? Could I spend a lifetime with her and this reality?
“Leo, you’re scaring me. Say something.”
I couldn’t tell her, not until I understood it, but if I let on at all about my true feelings, she would leave.
My hand shifted from her dainty waist to dive into my pocket. “I wanted to give you something.” Once more the alarms blared in my mind, a warning that I was making a reckless decision. But that didn’t matter. I removed the charm and held it up in the moonlight. “They gave me one to give out early.”
Her eyes went glassy with tears, and guilt jabbed its dagger deeper into my heart.
“Oh, Leo.” She released her grip on me to cup her palms over her face. To my far left, the underbrush crackled with movement. Without seeing them, I felt the cameras zoom in. “This is everything I’ve ever wanted. To be chosen by you. To know that we have a future that’s real and filled with love, that’s…”
I couldn’t listen to her. Though she kept talking, my regret and anguish drowned her out. What was I doing? Why couldn’t I stop?
“Gwen, will you take this charm,” I worked on the latch that would connect it to the bracelet, “as a symbol that your heart is true, your intentions are pure,” with the charm attached, my need to flee grew stronger, “and you are willing to serve the people of Nolcovia as their future queen?”
“Yes, Leonidas.” Her hands shifted to cover mine. Pure wonder filled her sparkling eyes. Why did fate have to be so cruel? “My heart is yours. It always has been.”
She moved to kiss me again, but I stumbled backward, feigning a lack of balance. “Sorry, the snow shifted beneath me.” I pushed back the sleeve on my coat to check the time. “We need to get back to the palace. The others have to prepare for the choosing ceremony.”
Gwen wasn’t stupid, but my only hope was that she was blinded by her side of the events. Still, the interior of her eyes twitched as they started to narrow. Maybe she didn’t like being reminded that she wasn’t alone in the competition. Maybe she could see that I wasn’t on the same page. Maybe, like me, a ball of dread had started twisting though her guts, telling her that we’d only prolonged the pain with my rash decision.
Either way, it didn’t matter. Everything I thought I knew, I didn’t any longer.
The fate of the kingdom was in my uncertain hands.