11. Feel-Good Threats
Chapter eleven
Feel-Good Threats
Neil
When I got home, I crashed bonelessly on my bed. Princess Bubblegum whined and licked my face, little tail wagging. I batted her away but without genuine feeling behind it.
A volunteer afraid of dogs faces his fear by looking it in the face. And me? I was unable to do the same and tell him I was trans. Live out and proud instead of stealth.
But despite being unable to tell him the truth about myself, I was still glad I’d let Sawyer drag me to dinner. I hadn’t realized how much tension I’d built up until tonight at the beach when I’d started to relax for the first time in years.
I was tempted to work on that idea he’d given me about Arthur, but Sawyer’s words came back to me, and I wanted to keep this relaxed feeling for as long as possible.
The unpacked boxes seemed to admonish me silently. Yet the comic book Sawyer had gotten to me called louder because unpacking the boxes felt too much like work for my mindset right now.
Instead, I curled up on the couch with Bubblegum on my lap and read Faerly Hunter . Sawyer’s art was great. His style was very cartoony, with a sharp use of light and shadows that gave the comic a very noir feeling. Hector’s writing may not have been Shakespeare, but it made me laugh out loud more than once.
But once I’d finished the graphic novel, I was left staring at my empty apartment. I turned over in bed and hugged Bubblegum to my chest, watching car headlights run across my wall. Curtains were the first thing I needed to get put up once I got up enough energy to begin unpacking.
It was too quiet inside my place and too noisy outside. For a beach town, this city had a lot of nightlife. Or else I had noisy neighbors.
Unable to sleep, my mind circled back around to Sawyer. I couldn’t in good conscience let him keep volunteering. Even if I put him on cat-only duties? What if he had a panic attack while feeding the cats, leaving a door open so a cat could escape? Or ran into a dog going in or out of the shelter?
No, no thinking of work. I’d promised Sawyer. Instead, I tried to picture the way the sunset over the beach had looked. The gentle lap of the waves running across the sand. The tangy, briny scent on the air. Sawyer’s warm hand on my back. Sawyer’s dazzling smile. Sawyer’s infectious laugh.
Nope, nope. Needed to nip that in the bud. Not only was I technically Sawyer’s boss, but he was also afraid of dogs. I buried my hand in Bubblegum’s fur, rubbing her belly.
“I wouldn’t give up my Princess for some guy; no, I wouldn’t,” I assured her.
I kept chewing over both problems the next day at work. Sawyer had been adamant about continuing to volunteer, so I scheduled him for a four-hour shift with cat-only duties. But then I reconsidered. That was a lot of hours for him to spend listening to dogs barking in the background. And four hours for me to try to keep my cool around him.
Plus, I thought, bending over to rub Bubblegum’s head, he’d still have to deal with live dogs. He could only access the laundry room by circling the dog pods. Yeah, they were in kennels, but dog meet-and-greets happened in the room next door to the laundry room, and dog walkers came in and out. Sawyer might be okay with being near a dog behind glass, but I knew from his reaction to Bubblegum that he wasn’t up for more than that yet.
As much as I wanted to keep Sawyer around, maybe I should do the right thing and not schedule him. We might be short on workers, but with the work I was doing, that would change soon. I’d already had an influx of volunteers from the social media postings I’d been doing.
My phone beeped with a text a bit after the lunch hour.
Sawyer: Hey Neil, you eaten lunch yet? [laughing emoji]
As a matter of fact, I hadn’t. I hated to lie to him, so I set my phone aside and resolved to eat as soon as I finished what I was doing.
My phone chimed again about fifteen minutes later.
Sawyer: I bet you haven’t, and that’s why you’re not texting me back.
Me: You got me, Detective Tirrell. How do you keep doing that?
Sawyer: Magic. Now, do I need to come over there and make sure you’re eating?
Right. Working from home meant he really could back up his threat.
Me: “ No, no. Stopping for lunch now.”
Sawyer: Pics or it didn’t happen
Figures. I saved my spreadsheet, retrieved my lunch from the shelter fridge, and took it back to my desk. I’d gotten the sandwich and chips from the convenience store this morning on the way to work. Not the most glamorous lunch, but I took a selfie of myself holding the packaged sandwich and sent it to Sawyer.
Sawyer: Chips and a gas station sandwich? I guess that technically counts as food. Approved.
Me: … thanks?
My sandwich was mediocre at best. The chips were little better except for the salt and fat, although the tiny bag had hardly any inside.
A beep from my phone sounded as I finished up. It was Sawyer again.
Sawyer: I’ll bring you a home-cooked meal when I come in for my next shift tomorrow.
Me: Thanks for the offer, but you don’t need to do that. And hold off, I’m redoing the schedule.
Sawyer: I know I don’t need to, but I want to.
I shook my head. Offering to bring me food? Sawyer was adorable.
I needed to finish up the schedule, but also since I had Sawyer on the phone, as it were, I had to ask him what he wanted to do.
Me: Actually, I was thinking of taking you off the schedule.
Sawyer: Don’t do that.
Me: Are you sure? I can’t guarantee you won’t see any dogs.
Sawyer: Did I ask for one?
Me: If you’re sure.
Sawyer: The more I work around dogs, the quicker I can get over this fear of dogs, and the quicker I can get back to the beach and surfing and… other things [winking face]
Sawyer : So I’ll see you tomorrow.
Me: I don’t think it works like that.
Sawyer: Who’s the one getting the expert advice here, huh?
I rolled my eyes. Did his therapist really know he was volunteering here? I needed to change the subject.
Me: You’ll have to give me surfing lessons. After all, I live in a beach town now.
Sawyer: You’re gonna love it. [Heart emoji, surfboard emoji, wave emoji]
I wasn’t so sure about that, but I was glad it got his mind off the dogs.
Now, what could I do to get my mind off Sawyer and ensure he stayed safe while he was here?
Pen tapping on my desk, I leaned back in my chair and brainstormed. Hadn’t there been an application that came in yesterday? A guy our age, new to town, with previous experience volunteering at an animal shelter. I also knew he was single and gay because he’d explicitly said so in his email to me. It was perfect.