Chapter 20 Keelan
KEELAN
My fingers are tracing over the heart-shaped carving Thea gave me for the thousandth time.
It’s been over a week since that day. I haven’t seen her since she gave it to me, I hope she is doing better.
My instincts always go crazy when I see her so upset.
All I want to do is fix whatever is making her sad.
I have a feeling it’s more complicated than anything I or anyone could fix.
Maybe it’s because almost every interaction I’ve had with her has been a more vulnerable moment but it’s clear she’s dealing with something traumatic.
My work has always provided me an escape, so I hoped if I gave her a small task that might help her in a similar way.
After that first time it was clear it did.
It soothed something in me to help her even a little bit.
I didn’t know what she would carve, so I figured something basic would do.
I was surprised it was a heart, a rough-looking one but still a heart.
And she gave it to me. I don’t know why it touched me so much but I did as she suggested and stained it so the color is close to an amber brown.
I don’t know why she suggested that color.
Looking at it and all its rough edges and cuts, I can’t help but smile.
I’m back at the cabin doing some work, hoping I’ll see her today.
I should just ask Ben when she’s working but that feels too calculated.
I’m okay with running into her by chance.
Plus, when she eventually finds out about us being scent matches, I don’t want her to think I manipulated her or the situation.
As I’m sketching a design on a railing, I hear her cart pull into her usual spot between the two cabins.
I typically give her ten minutes or so since it seems this spot is also special for her.
I hope she isn’t crying today. I try not to watch the clock but as soon as it’s ten minutes, I’m walking around the cabin and towards her cart.
I can already hear her crying. It sounds bad this time.
Letting out a sigh, I approach her side of the cart but before I can say anything she says, “Not today Keelan.” She doesn’t look at me and her tone is one that expects no argument. Whatever she’s upset about today is the worst it’s been.
“It’ll help come on.” I reach my hand out. She turns her head from where it’s resting against the steering wheel and gives me a hard look. Not a glare but not happy that’s for sure.
“I said no, leave me alone.”
Okay. Well, I’ve been told. If it were anyone else, I’d respect that but something is screaming inside me that’s not what she needs and shouldn’t be left alone.
Is this going to be our first fight? I hope she doesn’t hate me for pushing.
I open the door and reach my hand out, hoping she’ll take it.
“I don’t know what’s going on but doing something to take your mind off of it will help.
Or if you want, I’m here and will listen if you want to talk about it. ”
She scoffs and glares at me as she gets out, completely bypassing me. Just as I think she’s agreeing with me and heading to the cabin, she starts walking the opposite direction. Towards the back of the cabin and the woods.
“Where are you going?”
“Away from you, I want to be alone,” she says as she’s stomping away, tears still falling from her eyes. Maybe getting her angry at me will distract her from whatever is causing her pain. I can take it.
“I’m just going to follow you. You shouldn’t go walking in woods you don’t know alone, especially when you’re upset,” I yell as she puts more distance between us, now fully within the woods surrounding the lodge. Please don’t have her start running. “If you talk about it, it might help.”
Thea stops short and I stumble to not run into her as I was finally catching up to her.
“Talk about it?” She lets out a humorless laugh.
“Talk about how it’s been a year today. One whole year since he died.
He’s gone and it’s my fault. Saying that out loud does not help me in the slightest. Nothing will bring him back.
I have to be here without the only man, the only alpha I’ve ever loved.
You have no idea what that feels like and knowing it’s only been one year but feels like twenty without him.
Is this what you want, me falling apart even more.
That’s what happens when I think or talk about him.
” She pauses, breathing heavy as her tears are coming faster.
Her knees buckle and she’s falling to the ground.
I’m not quick enough to catch her. She lands hard on her knees, barely noticing as she lets out a pained scream. And it’s not from the fall.
My heart is breaking seeing her in so much pain.
I suspected it was something deeper but I didn’t think she lost a mate.
Kneeling next to her I tentatively put my arm around her, rubbing circles on her back, trying to soothe her in some small way.
She’s right. Nothing I say will help in this moment.
I shouldn’t have pushed her, but I won’t abandon her to her grief.
She doesn’t acknowledge me being so close to her, she’s stuck in her head muttering things under her breath.
I shuffle closer to her, shifting so I’m sitting fully on the ground.
“Connor…I need you…I’m sorry,” she says in between her big nearly hyperventilating breathes.
Maybe my scent will help calm her down. That or set her off again.
I pull her into my chest, hugging her to me, running my hand up and down her back.
Her hands fist in my shirt and she takes a shuddering breath, which seems to help steady her.
We stay like that for a long time, she doesn’t stop crying but at least she isn’t hyperventilating any more.
She cries until she passes out from exhaustion.
My poor omega. This isn’t something I or anyone else can fix but I won’t let her push us away in her grief.
She needs support. I don’t know what she meant by it being her fault, but I doubt that.
Running my arm under her knees and bracing her back, I lift her up and begin heading to my truck.
I’m not going to have her stay out here in the cold, since who knows how long she’ll be out.
Securing her in the passenger seat, I get in and start heading to the pack house.
It’s a five-minute drive. Everyone needs to be home when she wakes up.
We have to deal with this as a pack. No more waiting.
I call Parker, who doesn’t pick up on the first call. It takes two more tries before he answers, “What Keelan? I’m in the middle—”
“Shut up. Call everyone and tell them to come home now. I’m bringing Thea to the house. Something happened.”
“What?! Is she okay?”
“She’s asleep right now, physically she’s fine. I’ll fill everyone in when we get home. Please call them all right now.” He doesn’t respond, I just hear the click of him hanging up on me; likely rushing to do as I said.
One by one most of the pack burst into the pack house. Jake was actually the first one to get here which was surprising. Followed by shortly are Eli and then Liam. Ben and Micah took the longest, which I figured since I don’t think Micah has scented her and would be asking a lot of questions.
We’re all gathered in the living room, while Thea is laid out on the sectional. Parker is sitting on the arm of it near her head, running his fingers through her hair. He looked so panicked when I got home.
“Are you going to tell us why we had to rush home?” Micah says gruffly from his position near the doorway. It’s like he wants to be as far away from her as possible.
I quickly fill them in on what happened today and what she said. It’s silent for a while as everyone takes it in. Suddenly Parker gets up and leaves for a few minutes and returns with his laptop. He sits on the floor in front of where she’s lying on the couch and turns on his laptop.
“Connor Lambert, twenty-nine years old. He is survived by his omega partner of eight years, Thea Fera, and parents—Sophie, Max, James, and Mateo.” He pauses before saying, “They were together for so long.”
“If that’s the case why weren’t they bonded? Something isn’t right here,” Micah interjects.
“You don’t know they weren’t bonded.” I glare at him. Why does he have to assume the worst? Well, I know why but I wish he wouldn’t.
“The obituary said ‘omega partner’ not ‘bonded omega.’ That’s how we know they weren’t bonded,” Jake says softly, gazing at Thea. Micah nods in agreement.
“Who cares why they didn’t bond; she’s grieving, that’s what matters.
We have to help her through this.” Eli paces behind the couch.
Most of us nod in agreement, Micah notably doesn’t and Liam looks too deep in thought to register what Eli said.
Is this part of what he knew about when he did her physical?
“Liam, what are you thinking?” I ask.
“Huh? Oh, uhm, yes we should help her with dealing with that,” he says. I’m not the only one looking at him waiting for him to say what he’s really thinking. He doesn’t. I decide to let it go. It’s not the priority at the moment.
“We have to tell her about the scent matches when she wakes up,” Ben says suddenly.
I know Parker and Eli will be on board with that. But… “It might be too much all at once. Maybe we should wait,” I say.
“She deserves the truth. How do you think it would go if we get to know her another month or longer and don’t say anything? We need to do this right. She’s our scent match,” Ben says and Micah scoffs at the last part, which earns him a glare from our beta.
“Ben’s right. She needs to know today. We can’t wait.
” Liam stands and walks over to where she’s lying down, looking her over from his spot behind the couch.
His expression is concerned as he looks at her.
What the fuck is going on with her that he’s so worried?
Suddenly I hear her moving lightly. She’s waking up.
I nearly push Parker out of the way as I rush to her side.
I don’t want her to freak out being in a strange place.
I was the last person she saw. If she sees one of the others she probably will.
Her eyes open and I’m surprised by the relief coursing through me to see her hazel eyes again. Her brows scrunch together as she looks at me. She tries to sit up.
“Easy you cried yourself to exhaustion earlier,” I tell her as I help her to a seated position, and sit next to her in the now-empty cushion. Her eyes widen as she looks around the room and sees our entire pack, her scent tinged with panic.