Chapter 31
THEA
It’s been a week since I was last with the entire pack.
We’re all having dinner together tonight.
I asked Parker if I can come a little early so we can call Connor’s parents again.
I didn’t get a chance to ask Sophie about the scent match thing.
As I pull up to the house there’s no obvious sign of who if anyone is home. Well I know at least Parker is home.
I text him that I’m here as I wait on the porch.
We definitely aren’t at the level of me being comfortable just waltzing into their house.
It’s not long until he’s opening the door and giving me a big hug.
Hugs are quickly becoming my favorite. I know it’s probably because I’m touch-starved but these guys seem to just give really good ones.
“You look like a Goddess,” he blurts out before his face goes red.
“Thanks.” I duck my head a little. I’m not used to compliments.
I was never shy with Connor, but we had eight years together.
If these men will be helping with my heat I need to work through that quickly.
I’m not self-conscious—well, usually. I guess the idea of someone who’s not Connor seeing me in such an intimate way intimidates me a little.
He was the only person I’d ever been with.
I love my body and know I look good. Guess I’ll have to work on being more open with them in that way.
Or just wait until my heat takes over and hope my hormones block out any worries I’d have.
That definitely isn’t healthy, Thea.
I put my hand in Parker’s, interlocking our fingers as we walk into the house. I’m actually the one leading him to his office, which is funny. I enter the room and look around. It’s just as it was last week except the lights along the ceiling are in blue.
“I have everything set up like last time.” He pulls out his chair for me to sit.
I feel awkward for what I’m about to ask. “Do you mind if I call them alone this time?” His face falls only slightly before I rush out with, “I just have some personal questions to ask Sophie. Don’t worry, I’ll be asking to talk to her alone too. No men allowed,” I awkwardly laugh off.
“You don’t have to explain yourself. Whatever you need, I’ll have my phone on me so just text.” He gives my hand two squeezes before he leaves, just like he did last week. I wouldn’t have made it through that call without him.
I’m less nervous and more excited to call them today. I press the call button before it’s picked up quickly.
“Thea, is that you?” Sophie yells excitedly into the phone.
I laugh. “Yes it’s me, I said I’d call in a week.”
“It’s her! James, get over here and get the camera on,” she orders.
“We really need to show you how to do this,” James mutters as he handles the phone, turning on the video.
Out of all of Connor’s dads, James is the one he was most alike personality-wise.
Max may have been his bio dad which was clear in their stark resemblance but all three of these men raised him.
Now little pieces of them remind me of Connor.
Ugh don’t go there today, Thea.
Once everything is set up similarly to last week and everyone seated in view of the camera, there’s a slight awkward silence. As if we’re each waiting for the other to speak first. Max, of course, is the one who breaks the silence. “No Parker today?”
I bite back a smile as I say, “Nope, just us. Unless you rather talk with him I can go get him…” Sometimes dealing with Max being a sarcastic pain in the ass is best. Mateo is the one who smacks him upside the head.
I can’t help but laugh a little under my breath at Max’s annoyed expression.
I know it’s just for show. The first half of our call goes by quickly with us catching up on what’s been happening in each other’s lives.
We get to a good stopping point where it seems like the perfect opportunity to talk to Sophie.
“Would you guys mind if I talk to Sophie alone for a little bit?” I ask tentatively. I don’t want them to think I don’t want to talk to them, but it’ll be weird enough talking about heat stuff with Sophie. I can’t fathom them being included when they’re like my dads. I internally shiver in disgust.
They all look at each other in silent communication. It’s not the first time I’ve seen them do that; I noticed it from the first time I met them years ago. I wonder if it’s a bonded thing or pack thing. Probably both.
“Of course honey, we’re here if you need us okay?” Mateo says as the three of them get up and leave.
Sophie scoots to the edge of the couch getting closer to the camera. Taking a deep breath, I begin, “I’m not sure how to say this. I’m still processing it all but I really need your advice.” I pause to stop the tears from falling.
She doesn’t say anything, just ready to listen. I love her for that. “I apparently found my scent matches.” She gasps in shock but doesn’t say anything as I continue, “There’s seven of them.” Another gasp.
“That’s not the worst of it—my suppressants are failing and my first heat is coming soon.
One of the guys is a doctor and he told me because of using the suppressants like I did, my heat will be dangerous and potentially life threatening.
” I stop to take a breath, saying all of this out loud is bringing everything I’ve been pushing down to the surface.
“I’m scared not because of the danger. I’m not ready for any of this. Connor should be here and he’s not. How can I be with anyone else? It doesn’t feel right but sometimes it does and I just feel horrible…” I break off as the tears finally let loose.
I look up and see her crying with me. “Oh honey,” she says in that soft way she does that makes me cry harder.
“I wish I was there with you so badly. I had a feeling something happened when we saw you with Parker last week.” I straighten a little in my seat, we didn’t really do anything but hold hands which I don’t think they could even see that.
My confusion must be written on my face as she says, “I don’t mean that in a bad way. I’m glad someone is looking out for you. Though finding out it’s seven someones is a little bit of a shock. Even so, I can’t wait to meet them.”
My brows pinch together, I don’t understand how she’s excited about this. She should be upset. “Why aren’t you mad?”
Now she’s the one looking confused before her expression shifts to sympathy.
I hate it so much. “Connor is gone and I miss him every minute of every day knowing he’s not in this world.
Something that brings me comfort is knowing he was able to experience real love and being loved.
He brought you into our family and for better or worse, you’re stuck with us as your bonus parents.
So yes, I’m happy to know you have a second chance at love.
Did you think we wouldn’t want that for you? ”
“Well, yeah…it’s not fair. I shouldn’t have scent matches.” I pause before adding, “I don’t want scent matches.”
“Thea Fera, don’t you dare say such a thing. It’s a blessing. Do you know how rare it is?” She scrutinizes me before asking, “You do know you and Connor were scent matched, right?”
I was planning to ask her but she confirmed it. “I didn’t until…” I look to the empty chair pushed against the wall where Parker would’ve sat here with me. “…I met this pack. It got me thinking about how Connor’s scent was and made me feel.”
She lets out a sigh. “I’m so sorry honey. I thought you knew this whole time.”
“Did Connor know?”
“Yes.”
My tears, which had stopped, start again. I feel so stupid, like I was the worst omega to not know this. After a couple minutes she says, “Connor wouldn’t want you to be miserable the rest of your life.”
I want to roll my eyes, I know that. “It just doesn’t feel right to…to be anything without him here.”
“I know honey. Trust me, I know. We can’t stop living though.
It took me months to come to understand that.
” She laughs hollowly. “Honestly I still have days where I don’t understand it at all and just want to rage about it just like you.
But my pack—” She breaks off, taking a shuddering breath.
“I wouldn’t have made it through this without them, all while they are grieving the same as me.
I was so worried about your safety this past year I didn’t think about how you were out there dealing with this alone. ”
“I guess that’s the thing I haven’t been dealing with it. I pushed it down into a locked box that wouldn’t ever see the light. It wasn’t until I got here and met them and then the anniversary—everything has just felt so much, too much. Sometimes I feel like I’m going to explode with it.”
“That’s grief,” she says plainly and I swear it’s like something cracks open in me and I’m full-on hyperventilating as I cry.
Distantly I hear her murmur, “Let it out honey, I’m right here.
” Even though she isn’t here in person it feels like she is.
How much I missed them was also one of the things I pushed down in order to stay sane this past year.
I don’t know how long I’m like that for but by the end I feel exhaustion down to my very soul. My breathing has returned to semi-normal. My eyes drift back to the screen and Sophie is still there. I want to hug her so badly.
“Better?”
I scoff lightly. “I don’t know, not really.”
She nods like that makes sense. “You should go find one of your pack. Their scent will help.”
“They’re not my pack. We’re technically courting but it’s more just getting to know each other in case I need their help with my heat. I told them I’m not looking for a relationship.”
She shakes her head. “I’m not going to argue that point with you, you’ll figure it out soon enough.”
“Is it part of the mother handbook to say cryptic things?”
She laughs genuinely and smiles. “Of course.”