Chapter 2
THEA
Numb and surrounded by darkness. Numb is good, no more pain, crying, grief. Numb is welcome. I don’t like the dark though. The nonexistent chills roll through me.
Why am I here?
Images—me and Liam at the rink, me in the background at the bowling alley.
He found me again. He knows about the pack.
He’s going to take them away from me like he did Connor.
I can’t—no, I won’t go through that again.
The anger I thought was buried under my fear and grief is bubbling up. I will not lose anyone else I love.
There—pin pricks of light are starting to appear, chasing away the dark as they grow. Safe. Protected. Hope. Peace. Joy. Free.
“She’s waking up,” someone tries to whisper but is too excited to be quiet.
They’re all here; even without opening my eyes, I know it by their scents. Then there’s the bonds, the ones I have with Keelan and Parker, both sending me so much love and reassurance it’s chasing away the panic for now.
Opening my eyes, I’m faced with my grumpy doctor’s concerned face. His black hair looks much more disheveled than when we ended our date earlier tonight. And his green eyes are flooding with so much emotion I can’t help but be drawn in.
“Thea, can you hear me?” he asks as he cradles my face with a hand.
“Of course I can. Did that fall on the ice earlier scramble your brains?” I retort.
His reaction is the opposite of what I expected, which would’ve been his annoyed face. Instead, he lets out a breath and smiles, hugging me to him.
I hear a begrudging growl from behind me and feel it in the bond—Keelan. My teddy bear really does like to keep me to himself sometimes.
Liam murmurs into my ear. “Please don’t scare me like that again.”
His voice is so soft, like he’s afraid to acknowledge that fear.
Of course he is, Thea. He needs to fix things, like how most alphas feel that need but he seems to be the one that feels it more than anyone else in the pack.
As he releases me, I look around the room for the first time. Parker is sitting with my feet in his lap. Jake, Ben, and Micah are all standing at the foot of the bed, with Eli on my other side, opposite Liam. And based on the growl from before, I know Keelan is behind me.
I open my mouth to speak but Jake holds up his hand with a determined glint in his eye. “We know, we found your phone next to you after you passed out. I called Logan, we’re going to keep you safe no matter what.”
“I’m sorry. I never wanted anyone else to have to deal with this. Now he knows about you and it’s not just me who could be in danger—”
“Stop. No apologizing. This is not your fault and we will get through this together as a pack,” Micah of all people says sternly to me. His arms are crossed as he looks at me, like he can see into my head if I agree with his statement.
I think…that’s the first time he’s acknowledged that I’m pack in a positive way. Did I wake up in a different reality?
“Micah’s right, I’m already arranging for some extra security for you, especially once your heat starts,” Jake adds.
Everything feels so heavy.
Thankfully Eli pounces on me, his scent swirling around me more now as he hugs me into him as he says, “Sunshine, I’m going to go gray with all the stress. We all need to relax a bit.”
His words have the opposite effect as my body tenses up.
Ben, of course, notices. “You can’t hog our omega. The best way to relax right now would be a nice hot bath. What do you say?”
Reaching out his hand, I make my way out of the massive pack bed and take it. Leaning into him feels so natural now, and it only took a couple months. Though living together since I bonded Keelan, then shortly after Parker, probably helped speed up that process.
Ben leads me into the en suite connected to the pack bedroom as well as my nest.
My nest sounds like the perfect spot to escape to right now. But it doesn’t have everyone’s scents like I want it, which immediately sours the idea. Pack bed it is after this.
As my mind wanders, Ben runs the bath and puts something in it. The water is about halfway now so I decide to start getting undressed, quickly taking my sweater and skirt off. Ben turns and sees me as I’m about to pull my tights and underwear down.
“Oh, I can leave and give you some privacy. I just wanted to set the bath up for you,” he rushes out, sounding super flustered and looking everywhere but at me.
I can’t help but smile at his reaction. Well, all the guys saw me naked not long ago during my last mini heat, when I had to be put in an ice bath in this same tub.
The next day Keelan profusely apologized that he didn’t put something around me to cover me up.
I mean, we were in the middle of sex but I also wasn’t as bothered as maybe I should have been.
We’re planning to ride out my heat together, after all.
I feel comfortable around nearly all of them at this point.
Before I can second guess myself, I say, “You can join me if you want.”
Even behind his dark-framed glasses, I can see his eyes going comically wide.
“Yes, okay,” he rasps out. He’s so cute. It’s funny how shy he seems when his personality isn’t like that at all, especially with everyone in the pack. He’s always one to say what he thinks and joke around.
I get in first to give him some privacy as he undresses.
The heat of the water feels amazing, and a scent I can’t place fills the air.
It must be from whatever bath products he added.
I hear him enter the tub behind me. It’s so big, they said during the initial tour, at least five of us could fit comfortably in here.
I believe it.
Ben’s hand touches my shoulder and I turn on instinct, my brows lifting slightly. I don’t see him much without his glasses, and his piercing blue eyes seem extra bright right now. It’s probably just my imagination, though.
He clears his throat. “Is it okay if I hold you for a little while?”
I take his hand in mine. “Of course.”
He leads us to one of the corners of the tub that has a seat built in.
He sits first and turns me so my back is to his chest, adjusting until I’m basically sitting in his lap.
His arm wraps around me, resting on my soft stomach and holding me close to him so we’re touching nearly everywhere.
His stiff erection pokes against my back but we both ignore it.
He releases a shuddering breath as I relax against him, reminding me of Liam earlier.
I scared them, passing out like that. They all need reassurance in their own way.
His bergamot scent wraps around me, overtaking the smell of the bath products, and relaxing me further into his hold.
It really is crazy for me to realize how comfortable I am with them all now.
The idea of spending my heat with them is no longer something I dread, for many reasons, but something I’m beginning to look forward to with nervous excitement.
Even being scent matches, that didn’t override my own need for some kind of connection in order to feel that kind of attraction to them.
Of course before getting to know them, I recognized they are objectively attractive men.
But even with Connor, I wasn’t sexually attracted to him until after multiple dates.
I always thought that was because Connor was my first everything, first boyfriend, first kiss, first time having sex.
However, now with the guys, I’m realizing maybe that’s just how I am.
I need that extra bit, a connection of some kind, to cross the line into sexual attraction.
Part of the reason when Liam said I’d be having a heat, before I knew they were my scent matches, I freaked out. The idea of being with virtual strangers was scary and in no way turned me on. I feel good with nearly all of the guys now, and secure to have my heat with them.
“Hey, don’t fall asleep.” Ben jolts me out of my thoughts. “How about a massage?”
I look back at him. His face looks so happy and at peace without even smiling. How do people do that? “Sure,” I respond tentatively.
He releases me from his hold as I sit up a little, his hands now moving to my shoulders. I can’t help the first moan that slips past my lips as he begins. I’m glad he can’t see my now-red face. Now I’m the one being shy. Ugh. Change the subject to anything else.
“My mom would’ve like you a lot,” I blurt out and want to shrink in on myself. Bringing up my parents when I’m naked in the bath with Ben for the first time. Ultimate mood killer.
I feel him sit up straighter behind me. “Really, why’s that?” He sounds surprised, but happy?
“She was a lot like you, spoke her mind no matter what, and family was everything to her,” I say, trying not to dwell on the memories that want to flood my mind right now.
“But I’m not close with my family,” he says dejectedly. He told me that before but that wasn’t the family I meant. I turn around in the water to face him. He looks a little sad now and I just can’t have that.
“Aren’t you? This pack is your family. Everything I’ve seen since meeting you all and heard about before we met is that you put this pack first all the time.
Especially with what happened with your ex.
You were the catalyst that helped save the pack and come back together.
I don’t think many people could have done that,” I murmur, not looking away from his eyes, which are now shining with tears.
Ben doesn’t say anything for a minute. Then he’s there, kissing me so passionately it takes me aback. These men really can say a lot with how they kiss.
My hand comes up to run through his hair, lightly pulling on the short strands, which seems to spur him on more. He’s guiding us around in the tub until I’m resting on the seat he was just on and he’s cornering me in. Coming from him, the move surprises me but in the best way. I want more, more—
“We should stop before we trigger a mini heat,” Ben says breathlessly as he pulls away from me. My omega brain is not happy with the change.
“Ugh, fuck these mini heats,” I growl out in frustration.
Ben laughs. “That’s exactly what we’re meant to do.”
It makes us both laugh. We don’t end up staying in the bath too much longer, since I feel too drained with everything that’s happened tonight.
After rinsing off quickly and getting dressed, I finally make it back into the pack bed.
Keelan, Eli, and Liam are all still there.
I’m not sure where the others went but I don’t dwell on it.
Diving in between Eli and Liam, their scents envelope me.
Joy and hope. I just need to cling to that and maybe things will work out this time.
Keelan’s scent filters in as I nod off and that feeling of safety is exactly what I need to fall asleep.