Chapter 23 Micah
MICAH
Icould barely work today. It shouldn’t have been a problem since there’s plenty to do after being out for over a week, but I asked Thea if we could talk after work tonight.
I keep running through what and how to say to her what I’m feeling.
Never have I felt more emotionally stunted as I do right now.
My pack would probably say I told you so about scheduling individual therapy sessions. I was the only one of us who didn’t.
I end up leaving early and driving around town for a while before I go home.
Even with everything going on, I’m so grateful we ended up in the valley.
We all grew up in cities and knew we didn’t want to live in another one once we finished school.
Hell, Jake is the only one of us who grew up in New York City.
The rest of us are originally from other cities in New York.
I’m letting my mind wander too much. I need to think about my conversation with Thea.
I should probably open up to her. As much as things in the past hurt and affected me, I try to keep those doors closed.
That’s why the guys tried not to mention our ex’s name around me.
I’m sure our therapist would explain why I do the things I do.
When it comes to our ex, it felt more like giving more power to her and what happened every time it was brought up.
I enter the house. It’s not long before Duke finds me.
Poor guy hasn’t gotten much attention the last couple weeks.
When I would leave the nest during Thea’s heat, he was always lying outside the door.
I rub his dark head, not needing to bend much thanks to his size.
I should thank Harrison for taking care of him while we dealt with the heat.
I made sure he had food and water but wasn’t always able to let him out like normal.
I tried to leave the nest once and Thea noticed and nearly followed me out.
I made sure after that to only leave when she was sleeping or entirely focused on someone else.
“What do you think I should do, Duke?” I ask him.
He’s panting happily and doesn’t react to the question, instead jumping up to lick my face.
I give him some attention, rubbing his stomach and back.
Maybe I should tell Thea he loves playing in the snow; she likely doesn’t know.
He hasn’t been around her much since he tends to follow me when I’m home.
He’s our pack’s dog but for whatever reason he likes me best. It’s interesting since everyone else are nicer than I am on the outside.
I end up on the back deck. It’s fully enclosed but still chilly. There’s a small fireplace here and I quickly get a fire going to warm up the space before sitting on the couch facing the large windows. The lake and mountains never fail to help me put things into perspective.
Duke lies at my feet closest to the fire. Time passes and I absently remember to text Thea to find me out here for our talk when she’s home. I’ll be honest with her, she deserves that. The real question is, do I deserve her?
“Micah?” Thea sounds tentative as she enters the enclosed deck. She rounds the other end of the couch and sits at the opposite end to me, sitting sideways facing me. Duke raises his head to see who joined us but goes back to resting after seeing Thea. She smiles at that.
“You’re definitely his favorite,” she says, a light tone to her voice. I just shrug at that comment, not much to say.
Just start talking, Micah. “Thea, I’m truly sorry for how I made you feel when you first came here and joined the pack. I was suspicious and assumed the worst, which wasn’t fair to you,” I tell her as sincerely as I can. Her lips are parted slightly in surprise before she recovers.
“Thank you, I appreciate the apology. I have to ask though, was it all because of what happened with Amber?” she asks but it makes me flinch even just a little. I hate that about myself. Her eyes widen at my reaction.
Wanting to erase the last five seconds, I quickly say, “Partially. She wasn’t the only omega that’s had a negative impact on my life…” I trail off, not ready to open that door but I need Thea to understand, even a little bit.
“My mom is an omega, I have two alpha dads. They were all bonded and seemed happy but when I was nine, she left. Just walked out and started a new life somewhere else. I didn’t react well back then.
My dads are amazing. They did everything to help me all while losing a bond.
I think the only reason they even were able to survive her leaving is because they are bonded to each other as well,” I ramble, unable to look at her.
Honestly, I feel physically sick talking about this time in my life.
I don’t add that the few times I did see my mom after she walked out on us.
She either acted like I didn’t exist or was the opposite, everything I did wasn’t good enough for her.
Her scent is suddenly stronger and I look up, noticing that she’s moved to the cushion next to me.
Her hand reaches for mine and she seems to hesitate before grabbing it and squeezing.
Turning to look at the view outside the windows, I swallow, preparing for the next part.
“Everyone has a sob story, mine isn’t an excuse, but I have been told it’s important context for me as a person. ” I then mutter, “Thank Eli for that.”
“He was right it is important. Thank you for telling me. Though I’m livid on your behalf.
” What she said prompts me to look at her.
The glares she usually aims at me are nothing compared to the fire in her eyes right now, hotter than anything burning in the fireplace behind me.
“What is it with people leaving bonded mates? Let alone their child. I could never understand someone who does either of those things, never mind both.”
I’m not sure what to say. I want to tell her I want to give a relationship together a try but the words won’t come.
A few minutes pass before she asks, “So you don’t like omegas in general?
Or is it that what Amber did brought up the feelings from your past, then I come along a year or so after and those feelings were placed on me? ”
It’s like she reached into my mind pulling what I can’t voice out. “The latter,” I say, voice rough.
“What do you want, Micah?” she asks openly, no sarcasm or teasing or malice in sight.
“I want a relationship with you. You are my mate. I want to build something together. I just…” I pause, trying to gather my thoughts.
I can be self-assured in every other area of my life except when it comes to her.
“…I know I don’t deserve you. I am going to try to be better.
Make it up to you for how I was before. Honestly even then I doubt that will be enough. ”
My eyes return to hers, then blink, surprised to find her glaring at me, the one she normally aims my way.
Well, that confirms what I thought. She probably can’t get past how I acted.
“Micah, everything you said after ‘I just’ is total bullshit. But I know well enough it won’t be me who has to change your mind.
It’s on you.” She’s the one to look away this time.
“I also want a relationship with you. You’ve been slowly showing me your real self over the last few weeks.
You’ve already been changing how I viewed you from before.
You think I would have been okay having sex with you if I thought you were the asshole from before? ”
Her hand that’s been holding mine releases.
It feels like a loss. “You should figure things out and how you feel and if you can commit. However, for now let’s just try to be friends?
” she says, a question in her voice as she looks at me again.
“We’re pack after all and that won’t ever change whether we’re in a relationship and bonded or not,” she adds with a forced smile she tries to pass as genuine but I can tell. Her eyes are sad.
She stands and leaves quicker than I thought she would.
I didn’t even get a chance to say anything in response.
I want to be better for her. She deserves that.
I don’t want her to feel like she’s stuck with me just because we’re scent matches.
Leaning back against the couch with a groan, I stare at the ceiling.
That could have gone better. I hear the door open again.
I sit up fast, thinking it might be Thea but it’s just Ben.
I relax back into the couch. He walks over and stands behind me, looking down at me.
“You didn’t figure it out yet?” he asks, confusing me further.
Seeing my confused face, he groans and flicks my forehead.
“You are an idiot. For the love of the Gods who made us scent matched to that amazing woman, talk to a therapist. Do you want another twenty years to go by struggling to work past this? Or at least talk openly to us, we all want you to be happy and be happy with Thea, assuming you want that?”
“I do,” I murmur.
He rolls his eyes. “Of course you do. It was obvious when two things happened, you cooked for her the first time after her mini heat and when you suggested our group courting gift. There’s no clock on this, but do you want to be in this limbo you placed yourself in for years?
” He walks back into the house after saying that, leaving me with that question hanging in the air.
I don’t want that, but I don’t know how to push through the walls still left between us, walls I made but can’t seem to break.