Chapter 30 Keelan
KEELAN
Standing outside Thea’s library, I debate if I want to interrupt her. I never had an issue when she was reading in Jake’s nook. She has been in the library most of the days since we showed it to her. Feeling her surprise, awe, and love in the bond made it all worth it.
I knock on the door and hear her call out. Opening it, I see her curled up in the chair under a blanket, legs stretched on the ottoman. The biggest surprise is Duke taking up most of the ottoman and cuddled up next to her.
“Wow how did you manage that?” I stare at him.
She shrugs. “Treats, also Duke and I share an appreciation for comfy chairs.” She leans forward, petting his stomach, to which he rolls over, slightly showing more of his belly.
I can’t believe she’s got him wrapped around her finger.
He’s usually a very aloof dog with everyone but Micah.
He acts more like a cat than a dog sometimes.
I really shouldn’t be surprised she has this effect on Duke.
I move to sit on the arm of the chair. “How are you feeling?” When we showed her library, there was one feeling I picked up on before she tried to push it down. Guilt. I haven’t had a chance to talk to her, just the two of us, about it.
She looks up at me and I see when it clicks what I’m asking. “I’m okay. My calls with Sophie have been helping. It still feels weird to be so happy but feeling that missing piece at the same time.”
“It’s okay to voice that. You don’t have to act like you don’t feel that pain,” I say.
“I know, I’m trying to work on it and not feel like a burden to everyone.”
Gods help me, she’s thinking she’s a burden. She and Micah are quite the pair at the moment. I take out the carving she gave me, showing it to her. Her eyes light up in recognition. I run my thumb over the irregular cuts and divots that make it the physical form of the rugged heart I love.
“You know when you gave this to me, it felt like you were offering a piece of your heart for me to protect. Ever since then I’ve kept it with me all the time.
Your heart is always safe with me, no matter how bruised, broken, or rough it may be, I’ll protect and cherish it.
” I hold her hand in mine along with the carving.
Her hazel eyes water as she sniffles. “You can’t just say stuff like that,” she jokes half-heartedly. I smile in return, feeling her love in the bond. Being able to feel our love via the bond is amazing but words are also needed. She needs to know how important she is to all of us.
Shaking her head, she laughs as she says softly, “Such a teddy bear.” Then she kisses me tenderly. We kiss like that for a while, not trying to start anything more, just connecting. As we break apart, she confesses, “I forgot he was gone.”
Thea looks away, as if afraid of my reaction, or maybe more afraid of speaking about what happened into the air.
“Some parts of the heat are a little foggy when I was in the thick of it. Every time I bonded, it was super clear but some moments were still hazy. I remember a few times over those nine days of waking up or being in the middle of something and wondering where he was and why he wasn’t with me yet.
Then it’d hit me later on when I was more lucid.
Like waking from a dream.” She’s still not looking at me.
Reaching over, I gently guide her face until she’s looking at me again. “It’s okay. That doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you or bad. It’s only natural you’d look for him during your heat.”
“I know that but it doesn’t stop me from feeling guilty. How could I forget? What if I forget more things about him as time goes on?” she huffs out, failing to hold back the tears this time.
I hug her to me and squeeze her tightly until she relaxes.
“None of us will let that happen. Once we’re able to go to your apartment in Florida and bring all of yours and Connor’s things here, you’ll have reminders of him everywhere even though he never lived here.
He should have been part of our pack too.
We missed out on someone who would have made our family that much brighter,” I say lowly into her ear.
“What were some of the things he did that made you smile or laugh?” I ask, brushing hair away from her face. The warmth in her skin seeps into me.
“He’d chase me around the boat, trying to throw me in the water at least once every trip.
If I was able to get him in the water first, he had to take care of all the cleaning up when we got back to port.
He’d act uninterested in the books I read but always asked for what happened next after I read.
He always had something clever to say about them. ” She stops and laughs to herself.
“What’s that laugh for?”
Still laughing, she says, “I just thought about if Connor is watching over me as a ghost like he wrote in his note, then his commentary during the heat would have been hilarious. I can just picture him floating around shouting ‘no, do it this way’ or cheering it on in some way.”
I chuckle lowly. “That would be funny,” I admit softly, my fingers twining in the ends of her hair.
“Yeah. It makes me sad he missed out on knowing you guys. He wanted a pack so bad. To have the bond, brothers, family besides his parents.”
“Well when all our time comes, which will be a very long time from now, we will finally meet him on the other side. I don’t know if omegas get heats there but I’m sure we can try for his sake.” I try to remain serious, which of course fails, and we both laugh at that.
“Trust me, trust us to protect your heart, Baby Girl. We’ll keep it safe as long as you let us. Feel happy, sad, pissed off, and everything in between. We’ll still be here, I promise.”
“I’ll hold you to that,” she says in all seriousness as she nuzzles into my chest. Good. There’s nothing else I’d rather do.