Chapter 5
5
WILLOW
W here did I see myself? Personally, I knew the answer to that. It had flashed in my mind instantly the second he asked the question.
But I couldn’t say those words—not to him. I saw myself here, in this cabin, watching TV on this couch with this man.
It was crazy, considering we’d just met. I shouldn’t be having thoughts like that. It made no sense. But those were exactly the thoughts I was having.
I was a virgin, though. To Liam, I’d be just a kid. I’d heard it before—you didn’t become a woman until you had sex. That wasn’t necessarily true, but it definitely felt like a big barrier.
“I see myself married with at least one kid,” I said. “Maybe two. I want to have all my kids by the time I’m in my early thirties.”
Kids. I hadn’t mentioned that before. Or marriage. I’d presented myself as a business-oriented type, focused on winning this damn competition so I could open my bakery.
“So, do you picture yourself living in the mountains near where your favorite doughnut shop is? The one with the fountain?”
It was a simple question, so why did it take me so long to answer it? The truth was, when I mentioned the fountain, I pictured a very specific place near the mountains back home. The one where I enjoyed a doughnut while watching the fountain as a kid. But I didn’t want my shop to be there. All of a sudden, it was more important than ever for me to be here. In this town. Near this man.
I couldn’t tell him that, though. He’d think I was some sort of weird stalker type.
So instead, I focused on answering his question. “Yes. If I could afford it. I mean, in a touristy place like the mountains, I might have to live somewhere like Adairsville in a small rental for a while. Maybe with some roommates.”
I was picturing the women I’d been competing against. Maybe Bronte, one of the non-finalists I’d hung out with when we first got here. But that didn’t make sense. If other contestants were opening a bakery, they’d be my competition. That wouldn’t work at all.
“This is just a one-bedroom cabin,” Liam said. “Most of the cabins are two- and three-bedroom. But you’d be surprised how affordable something like this is.”
Wait, was he thinking I’d move here? Maybe we weren’t as far apart on this as I thought. Maybe he felt this connection too, and he at least wanted to explore it a little further.
“That’s why it would be perfect if I won this competition,” I said. “If I won the fifty thousand dollars, I could take the money I’ve been saving and put it toward a down payment on a house. Or at least afford rent for a year or two until my pastry shop becomes profitable.
He shrugged. “I’d be willing to put up fifty thousand to help you start a business. Consider it an investment. You’d give me a share of the profits for the first year or two. I’d be an investor.”
For the longest time, I stared at him, not sure what to say to that. If he’d been anyone else, I would have said an enthusiastic “yes.” It was really nice of him to offer, but I didn’t want Liam as a business partner. That would be a weird conflict of interest. I wanted him to be the guy I dated. Maybe even someday the guy I married.
Yeah, I definitely was getting way ahead of myself. He brought that out in me.
“You’d do that?” I asked, trying to show my gratitude in my expression.
He nodded. “I believe in you. You’re going to kick ass selling pastries and doughnuts here. Or wherever you decide to set up.”
He added that last part while looking away from me, as though realizing he’d slipped up. He didn’t want to assume I’d move here. Maybe that was what he hoped would happen. If so, that was definitely a good sign.
“I guess it’s silly for me to be planning my future with a husband and kids when I haven’t even had sex,” I said.
Had I said that out loud? Oh crap. It had gone through my head, and I’d just blurted it out. I’d blame it on the wine, but I only had one glass.
But I didn’t drink very often, so maybe that was it. It had lowered my inhibitions.
Or maybe it was the chocolate. Chocolate had some sort of love hormone in it, didn’t it? I didn’t know. It seemed like I’d heard something like that before.
“So, you saved yourself for your wedding night?” he asked. “That used to be the norm.”
“Yeah, well, it’s not anymore,” I said. “And I don’t see myself waiting until I get married. What if I marry someone who’s bad in bed?”
“Should I point out that when you love someone, it doesn’t matter? It’s always good. Not that I’d know about that. I’ve never been in love.”
Now he had my attention. “You’ve never been in love?”
I hadn’t either, but I would have expected a man like him to have experienced it at least a couple of times. And not because of his age. Mostly because he was so damn good-looking. He’d have to be pushing women away left and right.
But I got it. He was the one-night stand type. Love ‘em and leave ‘em. Light on the love.
“I spent most of my adult life in the military,” he said. “Hardly a chance to form a connection. I wasn’t going to be that guy who had a girlfriend back home. Once I was out… Well, I wasn’t really ready to have a relationship.”
“How long ago was that?”
“I’ve only been out for eight months, but I was living on base for four years before I came here. I certainly could have found a girlfriend while on base. I just…”
He drifted off, not finishing the sentence. He’d seen things while he was deployed. That was my guess. Things that haunted him.
“Are you closed off to that?” I asked. “To falling in love?”
“I’m open to it now,” he said.
His words sucked all the air out of my lungs. And now I was afraid to even try to breathe. Had I heard what I thought I had? I hadn’t expected him to be so direct, and I certainly hadn’t confessed my own feelings.
But it reminded me I wasn’t alone in this. We were both feeling things. We were too invested in this to turn back. And that made me feel more certain of my future than I had in years.
Yes, this guy was it for me. He was the one I wanted to be with for the rest of my life. Starting tonight.
“Now?” I finally dared to ask. “What’s changed?”
“Meeting you. It changed everything.”
Okay, now my heart might have stopped. I was afraid to assume he was into me, but his words sure were leading me in that direction.
“I want you.”
I stopped there. I wanted him to take my virginity. But it seemed a weird thing to just blurt out. Maybe “I want you” was sufficient.
I wanted him. I wanted to get naked with him and have him run his hands all over my body while I touched him everywhere. I wanted to feel him inside me, even though I knew it would hurt. I wanted him to give me my first orgasm and my second and my third, and every orgasm for the rest of my life. Most of all, though, I wanted to stay in this cabin and never leave. Well, except maybe to work and get food.
This was where I wanted to be. With him, wherever we were, for the rest of my life.
“Are you saying you want me?” he asked.
He repeated my statement as a question. It was clear, though, that he wasn’t doubting my attraction to him. No, instead, he wanted clarification. He wanted me to be very specific about what I wanted.
“I want you to take my virginity,” I said. “Now.”
I couldn’t be any clearer than that. As I held my breath, waiting for his answer, I realized I’d never been surer of anything in my life.
Yes, I’d been waiting for Liam. I’d been waiting for what I felt for this guy. This spark. I’d never had it before and I never would again, so I’d better not blow it.