Chapter 6 Lingerie Empowers Us
LINGERIE EMPOWERS US
LILY
Annika studies me with an incredulous expression as we wait for our appointments at the beauty therapy salon she’s brought me to.
Tranquil music is playing from a hidden speaker in the dimly lit room that smells like lavender, and it’s all very relaxing.
Or at least, I imagine that’s what they are going for.
I’ve forgotten how to relax, so it’s just making me antsy.
“You’ve never had a facial? Never been to a place like this?” I can tell from her tone that she considers this to be some sort of crime.
I shrug. “I mean, I’ve had my eyebrows waxed. But no… When I was younger, I never really got into this sort of thing… And after I was married…” I don’t know how to explain how pathetic my existence has been for the last thirty-two years.
Especially not to someone as beautiful and sophisticated as Annika.
“Sebastian definitely did the right thing in asking me to be the one to make sure you are spoiled today. We’re not just getting clothes. I’m going to give you a full makeover,” Annika says, bouncing happily in her seat.
“I don’t want to be a bother… Or to spend all Sebastian’s money,” I protest.
She scoffs. “You know he’s a freaking billionaire, right? I couldn’t come close to spending all his money in one day. Although I wouldn’t mind trying.” She grins, and it’s hard not to smile back.
After an hour in her presence, it’s obvious that Annika is a force of nature.
She has barely stopped talking since she dragged me down to the garage and forced me into her cute little red convertible.
Given I seem to have lost the ability to speak much, it was nice to have someone else to fill in the silence.
It’s also kept me from stewing over Sebastian’s insistence that I can no longer hide away from the world.
Daniel had tried to get me to go out when he first brought me back to Dark Desires, but when I’d refused, he’d given in.
He’s less confrontational than his brother, though.
Sebastian calls the shots and people fall into line.
It’s always been that way, and it seems like he’s become even more powerful in the years since we’ve seen each other.
Everyone falls over themselves to please the charismatic man.
I felt his presence surrounding me from the second I walked through those doors last night.
Truth be told, I felt it in Sydney as well, but I was able to ignore it when he wasn’t there.
But now that I’ve come face to face with him again, there’s no denying the magnetism of that man.
After two hours of pampering, I feel like a different person. The beauty therapist had the lightest touch, and once I’d grown used to being touched by a stranger, I found I enjoyed the experience. She’d commented on how good my skin was, given my complete lack of a beauty routine.
“Just good genes, I guess,” I’d said with a shrug.
My mother had been a model before meeting my father and turning to prescription drugs to numb herself from the reality of being married to a domineering arsehole.
I have her side of the family to thank for my youthful looks.
Although sometimes that feels like more of a curse than anything else.
When you’re considered beautiful in the world I come from, you’re seen only as a commodity to be used by those who want the best of everything.
Joseph had expected me to be made up at all times, so I know how to do my make-up, spending hours watching influencer videos to perfect it.
But he’d seen no point in allowing me to do frivolous things like get a facial, and my skin care routine consists solely of soap and water, and a bit of moisturiser.
“Look at you! You’re glowing!” Annika exclaims when I rejoin her in the relaxation area after my treatment is finished.
They’d insisted we stay here and drink the hot apple infused tea they’d prepared for us.
Relaxation has become such a foreign concept that it feels strange sitting here doing nothing but drinking tea. I can feel myself start to fidget the longer we sit here, and Annika’s gaze drifts to my leg as it bounces uncontrollably.
“Not big on sitting still, huh?” she asks after a moment, sipping on her tea.
I force my leg to still. “No. Sorry.”
“No need to apologise. I’ll just finish my tea and we can hit the shops. I can’t wait to find you the most beautiful clothes. And we’ll hit the lingerie store, too.”
I stare at her for a moment. “Why do we need to go to the lingerie store?”
“Because every woman should feel sexy, and lingerie empowers us,” she replies with a shrug.
“No one is going to see my underwear.”
She laughs, shaking her head. “It’s not for anyone else. It’s about how it makes you feel. You are absolutely gorgeous, and I think it’s time you realised that.” Her tone is final, and I can tell there’s no point in arguing with her.
Like Sebastian, she is obviously used to people following her instructions.
Perhaps that’s why I find her so interesting.
She is the embodiment of confidence, and she oozes sensuality.
I guess being ultra sexual is expected in her line of work, but I can’t imagine ever being that comfortable in my own skin.
Once Annika has finished her tea, I follow her out into the busy shopping centre and try not to let my discomfort show as I look around at the crowd.
It’s the middle of the week, so I can only imagine how busy this place would be on a weekend.
Even though I know I’m far away from Joseph’s reach, I can’t turn off the intense need to look for him or one of his staff at every turn.
Within minutes, the relaxed feeling is completely gone, replaced once again by the anxiety that I know well.
Annika drags me into shop after shop, and after two hours of trying on countless clothes, we hit the lingerie store.
She whirls around the racks, selecting several matching bras and underwear sets.
It’s clear that not only does she have expensive taste, she also leans towards less conservative outfits than I’m used to.
She’s made me try on several outfits that leave very little to the imagination.
And she’d promptly bought each one, though thankfully we’d also got some more casual outfits as well.
Judging by the very revealing black lace bra and matching G-string she’s just thrust into my hands, it seems as though those tastes extend to underwear as well.
I swallow hard as I study the scraps of material in my hands before looking back up at her expectant face. “Isn’t this a bit much?”
She frowns, studying me closely. “Lily, have I steered you wrong yet?”
I choose not to answer that loaded question. I’m still not sure where I’m going to wear even half the clothes she’s bought today.
Sighing, I turn and head for the dressing rooms. She follows me in, hanging up the rest of the sets she’d pulled from the racks, before retreating to wait on the other side of the curtain.
I stare at the black set for a few moments, before sighing again and taking my shirt off for what feels like the thousandth time.
Shopping is exhausting.
Once I’ve hooked the bra closed between my breasts, eye myself in the mirror. I don’t try on the G-string though, leaving my jeans on to hide my simple cotton undies, too embarrassed to let Annika see them. Pretty sure she’s never seen underwear like that in her life.
I peek out the curtain. “Can you come look at it?”
She nods and comes to the curtain, holding it open slightly so she can check out the bra.
“Shit, that’s hot. I love it! We’re getting one in every colour.” She runs her eyes over my breasts. “Wonder if I should get some for work. These are almost better than the ones we wear,” she muses.
I don’t know how to answer that, so I simply nod and wait for her to leave again.
After trying on the next few bras on, I hand them to Annika and get dressed again while she goes to pay.
When I join her at the door, I’m beyond relieved when she declares we are done.
“I mean, I could easily shop for hours yet, but I have clients in a few hours and need to get ready for work,” she says as we head for the car park, each carrying multiple bags.
She’s spoken about work a few times and doesn’t appear to care that I know what she does at the club. I want to ask questions about her job, more curious than I probably should be about what she does with her clients.
I never spoke to any of the sex workers in the Sydney Dark Desires, preferring to hide away in my suite unless I was hanging out with Daniel.
But I’d seen them from a distance and each of them had been absolutely stunning, including the men.
It’s obvious that the club caters to the super wealthy, so I guess they expect the sex workers to be beautiful and sexy.
I refrain from saying anything, though. I don’t want to admit how naive I am about this world they live in, and the last thing I need is to want things I can never have. From my experience, sex is all about men’s pleasure.
I’ll just stick with my steamy romance books that are pure fantasy.
Although Annika doesn’t strike me as the type to allow any sexual partners to take only what they want from her and give nothing in return.
Maybe those books aren’t as unbelievable as they seem, and I have just been with a series of lacklustre partners…
Joseph certainly wasn’t interested in making sure I was satisfied in bed.
The one time I brought up experimenting, right at the very beginning of our marriage…
Let’s just say it didn’t go well. I learned pretty quickly never to voice my curiosity again.
When we get back to the mansion, Annika leads me down the hall to Sebastian’s office once again. She pauses at the door, knocking loudly.
“Lily and I are back. Everyone decent?” she calls through the door.
What a weird thing to say. Why wouldn’t Sebastian be decent in his office?
“Yes, brat,” a woman’s voice calls back, and Annika sniggers as she opens the door.
“Hey, I never know what I’m going to see when I walk in here,” she says to the absolutely stunning brunette sitting behind the desk opposite Sebastian’s.
“Given you’re more often than not just as indecent, I don’t think you have a leg to stand on there, Annika,” the woman replies with a smirk.
Are they talking about sex? What the hell happens in this office?
I recognise Imogen from the two times I glimpsed her in Sydney, and my mouth goes dry. While Annika is beautiful, there is something alluring about Imogen that I’m finding very confusing.
“Ah, so this is the mysterious Lily?” Imogen says, running her gaze over me with interest.
“How was the shopping expedition?” Sebastian asks, and I turn to look at him as Annika answers for us both.
“Great. We got a full wardrobe, and a few other necessities.” She hands him back his credit card.
“And did you have lunch?” he asks, pulling out his wallet to put the black card away.
He doesn’t even ask how much we spent. Which is a good thing, because I don’t even know the answer to that. It had to have been more than a few thousand dollars, though.
“Lily wasn’t hungry, so I figured I’d just grab something here before my first clients arrive.” I don’t miss the frown on Sebastian’s face as he glances at me, but Annika doesn’t notice as she turns to smile at me. “I’m free after eight tonight, and we are definitely having a movie night.”
I nod silently, and she bustles off to do whatever it is she needs to do to get ready for her clients.
“Come on, it’s time I ate anyway,” Sebastian says, standing from his leather desk chair.
“I -”
“Humour me, please, Lily,” he says, cutting off my protest.
Imogen rises as well. I guess lunch is now a group activity.
“I’ll have someone take the bags upstairs,” Sebastian continues, noticing when I glance down at the mountain of bags at my feet.
I nod again, avoiding looking at Imogen, although I can feel her eyes on me.
I follow them both downstairs to a massive kitchen and watch as Sebastian pulls food from the pantry and fridge.
“This is the kitchen we all use, Lily, so help yourself to any of the food here. And we each take turns in preparing dinner,” Sebastian explains as he makes three chicken sandwiches.
“I can give her the tour if you want, Sebastian? You’ve got that meeting in half an hour,” Imogen says, and he nods before looking at me.
“Are you okay with that, Lily?”
“Okay,” I reply.
I force myself to eat the sandwich as they discuss the details of his meeting, but I can feel his eyes on me. It’s obvious Sebastian won’t be letting me exist on the one meal a day I was having before now.
I don’t know when I started to find eating difficult. I’ve never been great at eating when I’m anxious, and I’ve been living in a constant state of anxiety for years, so I guess it’s just become a thing now.
Imogen’s phone rings, and she glances down at it, a smile playing across her lips. “I gotta take this. I’ll be back in a moment and we can do that tour, Lily.” She excuses herself and brings her phone to her ear as she walks towards the door. “Hi, handsome.”
I watch her walk out the door, before turning back to find Sebastian watching me.
“That’ll be her boyfriend,” he says before taking another bite of his sandwich.
“Oh. Okay,” I reply, nibbling on my own sandwich.
Guess I was wrong about them sleeping together, then.
We lapse into silence, but he continues to watch me. Part of me wants to tell him to stop hovering, but I know he’s just worried. And who can blame him? I’m nothing like the woman he used to know.
So I eat my sandwich and allow this man - the man who consumed so much of my brain space for years - to watch me until every single bite is gone.