Chapter Forty-Eight #2
“But we won’t ever have that if we’re fighting battles with yours. So this is how I’m choosing to fight for us. For you. I’m choosing to give her this win. I’m choosing a year of misery without you in exchange for a lifetime of contentment with you. Can you please understand that?”
“What if…” My voice comes out so small and unsure that I have to clear my throat. “What if you change your mind about me during this separation? Can’t you see that’s what she wants? What if you decide I’m too much to—”
“Woman, tesoro, I’ve been waiting my whole life for you without even realizing it,” he cuts in, a smile in his voice.
“I just found you. Went from not knowing you existed to wondering how the fuck I ever breathed without you. Of course it’s going to destroy me to stay away from you.
But it won’t change a damn thing. You have no idea how completely you own me. You’re my lifetime, Soraya. Vita mia.”
If only I could believe that. But in my world, words are nothing but breath. Empty air. My childhood taught me that. My work reinforced it. Until they’re backed by action, words are meaningless.
A thought hits right then… “Your one week ends today.”
“Yes.” A beat of silence. “I leave tonight.”
I grip the edge of the counter. It feels like he just drove a log straight through my chest. “I, uh...” The walls start closing in. “I’m gonna, uh…I need some time to myself.”
As I start to leave, he catches my hand. “Soraya—”
“Let go.”
Our gazes lock for what feels like forever. His eyes are a storm of sincerity, apology, and unspoken promises. But anger snarls inside me, fierce and unforgiving. I’m too mad. Too mad at him for caving to her. Too mad at him for believing this was the only way.
For both our sakes, I need to get away from him. “Let go, Stefano.”
With a quiet sigh, he lets me go.
~
“GET UP!” I drive a swift kick to my sparring partner’s gut. “Get up and fight me!”
He grunts and curls into a ball on the mat. Pathetic.
“Hawley, come drag his ass out of my ring.” I scan the row of men on the sidelines. “Lee, you’re up.”
Lee hesitantly steps into the ring.
In four moves, he’s on his back, groaning.
“For crying out loud!” My fists twitch with unspent fury.
Raging desperation for a real fight roils under my skin.
I want my ass handed to me. I want the thrill of blinding pain.
I want someone to make me bleed. “I’m a hundred and thirty-seven damn pounds.
All that money spent getting you all the best training, and not one of you can last more than five minutes against me? How the hell did—”
“Because you’ve been trained in every combat discipline known to man. You’ve traveled the world for it, been trained by the best. You’re faster and smarter because you’ve mastered every trick in the book. If you want an equal opponent, you know where to go, Soraya. Stop abusing your men.”
Dad…
I take in a deep, steadying breath before turning around.
There he stands, hands clasped behind his back.
Tall, proud, radiating power and authority.
Once upon a time, those broad shoulders carried me high above the world.
He would sit me on top of them and call me his “crown of honor.” Promised his shoulders would always be there to hold me up until I didn’t need them anymore.
All I want to do is run to him and relax into one of his big bear hugs. He’s not just my father, he’s my best friend.
But over these last few months, a wall has grown between us. Built from repeated betrayals. Laid brick by brick in service of Mom, who’s been using her pregnancy and bedrest as emotional leverage to sway him.
See, Dad’s convinced himself he’s perfectly balanced between us, his loyalties evenly split.
But the truth is, his loyalty belongs to her.
Always has. Always will. Her happiness is his highest priority, his reason.
And I let him believe in his illusion of “perfect balance,” because I love him too much to shatter it.
Loving him is a choice I make every single day. Even when I’m bleeding from the countless knives he unwittingly twists in my back, I still choose to love him. Because his unwavering devotion to her is the clearest proof of real love I’ve ever seen. The kind I dream of, but know I’ll never have.
His undying dedication to her costs me. It’s to my detriment. But I would never…never ruin something so pure and unconditional.
“Who allowed you up here?” I ask with deliberate dispassion. “Name, so I can kick their fucking teeth out.”
“Your men did their best, I respect that. But I’m still Pavlov Niiveaux-Byrd. Your father. That complicates things for them, doesn’t it?”
“Maybe I should rectify that. Let them know they are allowed to shoot you.”
He lets out a belly laugh, like that’s the funniest thing he’s ever heard. And that familiar deep rumble of mirth almost draws a smile from me. Almost.
“What do you want, Dad?”
“To have a quick word with you.”
“No. I’m busy.” I swipe sweat from my forehead with the back of my hand. “You’re here to collect your pet, yes?”
“If that incorrigible pain-in-the-ass were capable of being anyone’s pet, it would be yours,” he replies with a snort. “Case in point, he’s refusing to leave. Claims he hasn’t seen you since you ‘stormed out’ this morning.”
“That’s on purpose. You can take him and go.”
He frowns. “Are you sure you don’t want to see him before he leaves? Given the terms of—”
“Nope. I’m done with him.” I shrug. “You win. Mom wins. I’m getting better and better at pulling knives out of my back.”
“Soraya, that’s not—”
“No. NO!” I jab a finger in his direction.
“Don’t you dare try to explain this away.
You promised me. You promised me! And then you kidnapped him, drugged him over and over, muddled his mind to make him think he didn’t have a choice.
That he had to agree to that bullshit. To leave me.
Because she needs to win. And that means I need to be unhappy.
Because I deserve nothing, right? I deserve nothing good.
Not love. Not happiness. Not anything that makes me feel even a tiny bit human. I deserve nothing.”
My voice rattles, but I manage to keep it together.
“This is the life you want for me? For me to be miserable? For me to be lonely? Fine. This is the life I’ll live.
I’ll retreat to my little corner and build JB her weapons and make her billions and bully nation leaders and do my job as a good little cog in this precious organization.
I’ll be her obedient little puppet. Miserable, unloved, and unfavored every step of the way.
” I fling both hands at him, shooing him.
“Now go. Run along. Tell her the good news. Be. Fucking. Happy.”
A moment ago, his shoulders carried confidence and command. Now, they sag under the weight of hurt and concern. And dammit, I want to run to him and collapse into his arms. But screw him. It’s time to cut the cord.
“Soraya,” he says gently. “Be angry at me. You have every right. But Castello… that man truly loves you. Believe me. You will regret it if you—”
“LEAVE ME ALONE!” Brimmed to the gills with rage, I yank up my sleeve to expose my AI wrist device. “Take your prize and get off my goddamn property, or I’ll give the order to blow your wife’s precious boy to pieces. For real this time.”
Dad’s jaw tightens at the threat, but he knows better than to push me. He’s seen enough of my follow-through to know I don’t bluff. “Suit yourself.”
With that, he turns and walks away.
Fury swelling like a tidal wave, I whip back around to the sparring line and bark, “Who’s next?”
Someone gets shoved into the ring.
One by one, as if they’re my own personal demons, I take them down. Blow for blow, strike for strike. Until the distant thrum of helicopter blades slices through the air.
He’s gone.
He left me.
The realization hits me so viscerally that I drop to my knees mid-fight, the air punched clean from my lungs. My chest feels like it’s cracking open. This is a new kind of pain. An excruciating, unbearable pain.
I fall forward, face to the mat, fists clenched, shoulders shaking. And…I sob. Long and hard.
Because this is what I deserve. Pain, and nothing.
I deserve nothing.