Chapter 12
AND I’M A HOCKEY PLAYER!
FLETCHER
Holy shit, Lydia’s having a baby.
So many questions and ideas race through my brain, the most prevalent being excitement.
Excitement for Lydia, for this baby. I get to watch my best friend, the person I love most in the world, become a mom.
There’s bound to be challenges, of course, but right now, I’m basking in the glow of this moment, in the beauty of it all.
Watching her baby’s heartbeat on the screen hits me right in the heart.
I’ll be there for her every step of the way, no questions asked. If she wants me to go to every appointment, to every birthing or parenting class, I will. I never considered kids, never thought of anything past Lydia, but now that the future is staring me in the face, I have to admit it’s bright.
The rest of the ER visit goes quickly once we’re back in our room after the ultrasound.
Lydia is silent, but she no longer has an anxious crease between her brows.
Now, there’s a soft glow in her eyes, a half-smile at the corner of her lips every time she looks at the ultrasound photo.
I’ve caught her tracing her fingers over the shape of the baby a few times, and it’s the cutest thing I’ve ever seen.
I take my phone out, capturing a photo of her. I want to remember this moment, the excitement I can so clearly see.
She catches me taking the photo, and that small frown line forms back on her brow again as she stares at me.
Dr. Evenson knocks on the door, entering the room with a smile.
“Everything looked great on the ultrasound, and your labs look fantastic. We’ll wrap your wrist for now, but get a stable brace in the next day or two, and you will be good to go.
Follow up with orthopedics in a week or so if it’s still giving you trouble. ”
The nurse comes in, shows her how to wrap her wrist, and gives Lydia her discharge paperwork.
“Thank you,” Lydia says.
I rush to her side to help her from the bed, careful of her wrapped wrist.
“Ready to go home?” I ask, helping her with her jacket.
“Yeah, I’m exhausted.” She stifles a yawn.
“Let’s go.” I lead her out of the room, wrapping my arm around her. I’ve always been protective of Lydia, but for some reason now I feel this urge to cradle her in bubble wrap, to watch her every move to make sure she’s okay. Is it instinctual?
Something shifts as we walk. Lydia tries to pull away from me, but I hold her close until she huffs out an irritated sigh, unraveling herself. What’s happening?
Despite wanting to keep her safe, I have so many questions she has to answer. Who’s the father? Are they secretly together? Does he know? Why didn’t she tell me about him?
My burning questions will have to wait until we get home. I don’t want to upset her in the middle of an ER parking lot.
I help her into the car, then climb in myself, and we exit the parking ramp in silence. The drive home only intensifies Lydia’s mood shift. She won’t look at me, focusing on the road in front of us and fidgeting the entire way. Her body is coiled, like she’s ready to run for her life.
“I’m having a baby,” she finally mumbles.
I’m not really sure what I should say.
I don’t want to upset her, so I reply a quick, “Yep.”
Which apparently was the wrong choice, since Lydia lets out an irritated noise, going back to looking out the window.
No more words are said on the short drive to our building, and as we take the elevator to our floor, the tension between us increases with each ding of the elevator.
Once we are in the confines of our apartment, I’ll ask my questions. I just have to hold out a few more moments. I unlock the door and let her in.
“Will you please say something?” Lydia chokes out as soon as I shut the door.
I freeze, stunned that she’s so upset. But if she wants to get this over with, so be it.
“Fine, how did you get pregnant?” I ask, my tone bordering on accusatory, though I don’t mean it to be.
What the hell am I doing? Why are we fighting right now?
“Well, when a man and a woman…” she replies with a snarky edge, though it feels half-hearted. Her shoulders sag, and pure exhaustion washes over her face.
I wish I could hold her in my arms and eliminate all her fears. I know right now that’s her driving force. Fear. This is a big life change. She has to be scared.
I interrupt her. “Stop it, Lydia. You know what I mean. You live with me. How did you find the time to get pregnant?”
“I have a life outside of you, you know.” Her cheeks burning red with each word.
I was gone visiting my parents for a week this summer. Was he in our apartment?
A clawing jealousy steamrolls through me as I gasp, clutching my chest dramatically. “Did you bring him here when I was away this summer?”
“That is so not the point right now!” She mutters something under her breath.
I need to fix this. The last thing I want is to fight with her. I reacted when she did, and I shouldn’t have. She’s obviously had to keep things to herself for a while and is stressed. What I should do is relieve her stress, not add to it.
“You’re right. I’m sorry.” I reach for her, but she steps away, breaking off a piece of my heart with it.
“Just say it.” Her voice is timid as she stares at the floor.
“Say what?”
“Say you’re disappointed in me,” she screeches. Her wrapped hand is still against her chest, the ultrasound photo held tightly in her good hand.
“What? Disappointed?” I growl, stepping closer to her. This time, she lets me. “How could I ever be disappointed in you?”
“I’m pregnant!”
“And I’m a hockey player!” I lift my hands in exasperation.
“What the fuck are you talking about?” Her eyes narrow, burning with the fire I know and love.
“I’m just stating facts. I thought that’s what we were doing!”
“Oh, my god.” Lydia groans, walking to the coffee table and setting down the photo before sitting on the couch, rubbing her face with her good hand. “I’m spinning in circles at this point. It’s making me dizzy.”
I sit beside her. “Come here.”
I open my arms for her. Thankfully, she scoots into my embrace, and I hold her close, breathing in her familiar warm vanilla scent.
“I’m not mad or disappointed in you. Never. I have questions, but those can wait if you aren’t up for it.”
She shakes her head into my chest. “No, I need to get it all out. Hiding this from you was brutal, even if it was only for a short time. I was scared because when I told you, I knew that would make it real.”
I take a deep breath. “Alright. I’m going to start with the big one, then.”
The small seed of information I got from her in that shake of her head at the hospital makes it seem like maybe the father isn’t around, but I still have to ask.
“Okay…”
“Who’s the father?”
Lydia closes her eyes and takes a deep breath.
“His name is Jude. We went on three dates at the end of summer, right when you went back to training camp. I didn’t tell you about him because I didn’t want to jinx anything.
I really liked him. He told me he wanted more than a hookup, but after we slept together on the third date, he ghosted me.
I was on birth control, and I thought he wore a condom, but somehow, here we are. ”
“Asshole,” I mutter through gritted teeth.
I can’t believe any man would give this woman up.
If I had it my way, I’d never let her go.
To hear that he hurt her this way sends a jealous rage through my body.
What I’d give to find out where he lives and give him a bit of a lesson.
Maybe Calvin would be interested in joining me.
He’s always down to throw a few punches.
“And to get ahead of your next question, no, he doesn’t want to be involved. I met with him last week, and to say it didn’t go well would be putting it lightly. He made me sign a contract saying I wouldn’t go after him for money or list him on the birth certificate.”
Okay, now I really need to get a few punches in on this guy. Selfishly, I’m glad he’s out of the picture. It sounds like he doesn’t deserve anything from Lydia, but knowing he hurt her is enough to piss me off.
More than anything, I wish I were there for her during all of this. I hate knowing that she had to do this alone.
“Fuck, Lydi.” I squeeze her a little tighter, smoothing my hands over her hair. “I’m sorry he was an asshole. You and your baby deserve better.”
“Yeah, well, it is what it is. No one else knows yet—well, besides your mom.”
“My mom knew before me?”
I shouldn’t be surprised. My mom can sense things, and she and Lydia have a close relationship.
“Your dad gave me a beer at the game, and I couldn’t drink it. Then I puked in the suite's bathroom, so yeah, she knows. I don’t know if she’s told your dad yet, but you can’t be mad at her. I told her not to tell you.” Lydia rushes to get that last part out.
“I’m not mad at her. Or you, for that matter.” I squeeze her, running my hand up and down the length of her arm. “What do you need from me?”
A shuddered laugh falls from her lips. “I don’t know. I’m scared. I want this baby, and I know I won't regret keeping it, but so much is going to change. I’m going to have to move out and find my own place.”
“Hey, hey.” I tilt back so I can see her face and swipe some of the tears from her cheeks.
“I know how scary this is, but you can always count on me. I’ll be here for you every step of the way.
You’re not losing me, and I don’t know why you’re talking about moving out, because that’s not happening. ”
If anything, this is making me more determined to take the step I’ve always held back from, the one that would change everything for us. It’s all I can think about now, and I might not be willing to wait any longer.
Lydia lets out a watery chuckle. “Oh, so you’re going to be totally fine with a baby screaming in the middle of the night, keeping you up and messing up your sleep schedule right around playoffs?”
“Yep. And I’ll be right there with you, helping with nightly feeds and diaper changes.” I hope she can hear how sincere I am.
She waves me off. “I’d never ask you to do that.”
“I’m still going to do it. I’m here for you. You’re my best friend, the person I trust most in this world. I’m not going to leave you high and dry.”
Lydia nods, the tears falling harder as she burrows into my chest. “Thank you.”
“There’s nothing to thank me for.” I press a kiss to the top of her head.
Everything I am is because of her, and I’m going to prove to her I’m not going anywhere. Maybe if I’m lucky, she’ll see that I want something more, that I’ve wanted more for a long time.