Flashback Three
Tucker
Then – Three Months Since She Left
It’s almost been ninety days since I last saw Gracie, and I’ve felt every single minute of her absence.
I’d need more than two hands to count the number of times I’ve told her the same lie during this time—I’ll be there soon. Every time I said it, typed it, whispered it to myself, something broke inside me.
At first, it was barely noticeable, like a tiny pin prick.
But each time I uttered those words, it became more unbearable, like my body physically couldn’t stomach lying to her.
And I knew, I knew, with each iteration, it was becoming more and more false, but I couldn’t stop.
I couldn’t suddenly tell her I wasn’t coming, despite being painfully aware that that had become the reality.
She knew it too. I heard it in her silences, and when she stopped asking altogether.
I’ve never heard her sound so defeated, and I hate that I’m the one who’s caused it.
This past week has been the least contact we’ve ever had—not a single phone call attempt has been made by either of us.
We’ve exchanged a few text messages, but not without heavy periods of silence in between—from both sides.
They’ve lacked substance, mostly containing pleasantries and check ins, replied to with, things are good or, yeah, you too.
God, if the versions of us from six months ago could see us now, see the way we’ve unfolded, they’d be distraught.
But I guess that’s the thing about life and growing up—you find out pretty quickly that the world can be a cruel place.
Things don’t always play out the way you’d planned them, parents die too young and unexpectedly, and you hurt the one person you thought you’d spend the rest of your life with.
My phone buzzes on my bedside table. I reach for it, surprised when I see a text message from Gracie. Opening the message, my heart sinks as the paragraph looms in front of me. I reread it several times, words like alone, new life, and move on swirling together, but the last line is all I can see:
I love you, but I can’t keep doing this.
For the first time since my dad died, I cry myself to sleep.