Chapter 14
Jesse
It’d been two weeks since Laida told me she wanted space. I missed her and I missed Rusty. They’d burrowed their way deep into my heart and I didn’t know what to do with that.
Ethan waltzed into my temporary office in the firehouse. “Hey man,” he said.
Ethan was still on my shit list for the stunt he pulled with Mikaila and Laida. “What do you want, Ethan?”
“What’s your problem?”
I aggressively pushed my chair out and stood, slightly towering over him. “What’s my problem? Are you fucking kidding me right now? It’s your fault that everything is fucked up between me and Laida. Who told you to call Mikaila?”
“What?”
“Who the fuck told you to have Mikaila come to the hospital? In what fucking universe would you think I would want my cheating ex at my bedside?” He didn’t say anything.
He just stood there looking like a fucking idiot.
“That’s what I thought. This little game you played so you could move in on Laida was pure bullshit!
Get the fuck out of my face. If you got anything to say, tell Brady or someone else, but don’t fucking talk to me. You may want to find a new firehouse.”
Ethan walked away and left in silent embarrassment. Like my office door was revolving, Brady walked in and asked, “Are you doin’ okay?”
I blew out a breath. “Yeah, did you hear that?”
“The whole firehouse heard it, man.”
“Great. Fucking great.”
He tried to calm me down. “Hey, it’s alright. We all know what went down with Mikaila. Ethan fucked up. Why don’t you head out? Your shift was over an hour ago. You need to let off some steam.”
I couldn’t agree more. “You’re right. I’m gonna go. Keep Ethan away from me.”
Brady patted my back and nodded. “I don’t think he’ll be bothering you anytime soon.”
***
I decided to head over to The Pines Diner and grab something to eat. I love that diner. They have a long counter with red vinyl stools and mismatched booths all around. I opted for a booth.
My head was screwed up and worse than that, my heart was fucked too. Maybe I jumped into things too fast with Laida, but it didn’t matter because I missed her. The heart knows what it wants and I wanted her.
A familiar voice asked, “How you doing, honey?” Bev Holloway is the owner of The Pines Diner.
She slid into the seat across from me. Bev is in her mid-fifties, with short, curly, graying hair.
She always has a cup of coffee in her hand, with a smile on the side.
She’s the lending ear if anyone needs it.
“Hey Bev. I’m alright. Kind of. Not really.”
“Wanna talk about it?”
I explained everything that had happened, then asked, “Why does she need space? Does she not trust me?”
Bev took a drink of her coffee and said, “Honey, she has lost her grandparents, her last close family members. She’s grieving that hard, especially if she isn’t close with her mother.”
I agreed. “She’s not.”
Bev continued. “Right. She’s in survival mode, and there’s no time limit or exact process for that kind of grieving.”
I nodded and replied, “Yeah, I can understand that.”
Bev eyed me for a second and added, “You are a fire, Jesse.” I laughed. She went on, “I mean it. I’m not just saying that because you’re a firefighter. You have a way of pulling everyone into your orbit. It’s a beautiful thing. People take to you easily. I’m sure that caught her off guard too.”
“I love her, Bev. I know it sounds insane because we haven’t known each other for long, but I didn’t know what love was when I was with Mikaila. I thought I did, until I met Laida. I love her and it’s something I’ve never felt for anyone else.”
“So, let’s break this down. She needs to feel safe with you, but I’m sure after the Mikaila incident, she’s a bit shook.
She’s in survival mode. She probably loves you too, but it’s terrifying the ever-living shit out of her because of what happened.
She has a dog she’s caring for unexpectedly and let’s be honest, sometimes animals are just like kids.
She wants to be independent since she owns her own business, but she has become heavily reliant on you around the farm… .”
“I see what you’re saying. Her whole word has been shaken.”
Bev emphasized, “To its core.” Neither of us said anything for a moment and then she said, “She needs space. Give it to her, but don’t write her off. Send her a text to check in every now and then. Let her know you’re still here but you respect what she needs from you right now.”
“Fuck this is hard. Ya know, Bev, I swore off women after Mikaila.”
“Honey… you swore off Mikaila, not women. That’s why it was so easy to fall for Laida.
She’s different. She was gentle with you, and she understood what you needed.
Now, understand what she needs. Part of putting someone first is allowing them space to feel and go through what they need to, without disappearing. She needs someone to put her first.”
“Damn, you’re right.” I put some money down on the table to take care of my bill. “You always know what to say. Thanks Bev.”
She grinned. “Anytime honey. Now go make things right!”
***
Thinking a lot about what Bev said, I decided to shoot Laida a text.
Me: “Hey Herbalist, you there?”
…
I watched the three text-drafting dots appear, and nervously thought, what if she told me to fuck off?
Laida: “Hey insane Firefighter. What are you doing?”
She responded the way I’d hoped she would. It was a good sign.
Me: Insane? You wound me. Why do I have to be insane?
Laida: “Because you like running into fires. I’m still trying to make sense of it. But I guess someone has to save everyone. You’re good at it.
I wasn’t sure if there was some underlying meaning in what she was saying.
Me: I’ll save you if you let me.
Laida: Jesse, I don’t need to be saved.
Fuck! I thought. I shouldn’t have said that. That’s not what I meant to say. The conversation was already going sideways.
Me: I know that. I just mean, I miss you. I miss helping around the farm.
Laida: I know. Rusty misses you. He sits by the front door and just stares sometimes. I have to pull him away to do something else. I think he’s expecting you to come in at any moment, so he stays ready.
She was gutting me. Just ripping my heart out and roasting it.
Me: Can I see you?
…
…
…
She kept writing and deleting, then there was nothing. The three dots appeared again, and she replied, I’m slammed right now, backfilling orders. But…maybe… I don’t know. Let me get caught up and then we can talk.
I wanted to ask when that would be and how long but restrained myself.
I wondered if she missed me. She said Rusty missed me, but what about her?
It was brutal to wonder. I hated Ethan even more with each passing day for calling Mikaila.
That’s what set all the drama in motion.
It made Laida feel unsafe and vulnerable.
She was blindsided. I didn’t know what to say without letting my heart bleed through the phone, so I just said “Okay. Talk to you soon.”