9. Fiona
Chapter Nine
FIONA
I didn’t think there could be anything more dangerous than spying for Lorcan Sullivan, but it turns out there is.
Double-crossing him.
Cormac’s words echo in my head, which feeds the growing feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach.
We’re going to use her as bait.
I hope he’s put down a deposit at the funeral home because this sure as hell is going to be the death of me, especially when I can’t entirely trust Cormac to keep me safe.
If it comes down to a choice between finishing Lorcan and saving me, I’m not convinced he would actually choose me. At least, not right now.
But it’s not like I have any other choice.
I told Cormac that I was on his side, and what better way to prove it than to offer up myself as a lamb for the slaughter?
I knew this meeting with Cormac’s brothers would be difficult, but not in the way I was expecting. I was prepared for Kieran to lose his shit, but what I wasn’t prepared for was how devastated Brennan would look.
Out of all of Cormac’s brothers, he is the one I have spent the most time with and would consider a friend.
And to physically see the pain I’ve caused him, both in the deep purple bruises on his face and in the distant look in his eyes…
It hits harder than any of the insults Kieran could throw at me.
I sit hunched in a chair while they argue around me. I feel hollowed out and completely numb as Cormac paces around the room, talking about timings and strategy, because all I hear is the unspoken truth.
If this goes wrong, I’m dead.
I glance at Cormac from beneath my lashes, trying to read him.
His face looks like it’s carved from stone.
This isn’t the man who laughed with Scout over burned pancakes or kissed my shoulder in the quiet hours before dawn. This is the man who could order someone’s death and sleep just fine afterward.
When Kieran finally dismisses the meeting and the brothers disperse, leaving Cormac and me alone, I exhale a deep breath and run my trembling hands through my hair.
“So…” I start.
“I have work to do.” He doesn’t so much as look at me.
I guess that’s my cue to leave.
I hover for a moment longer, hoping that maybe Cormac will say something more, but of course he doesn’t. So, I slip out of the room, feeling like I’ve been emotionally beaten.
Honestly, it’s a miracle I got through that meeting without Kieran drawing my blood, though the look in his eye told me he wanted to, and I can’t even be mad at him for it.
“Fiona!”
I wince at the sound of Ciara calling my name.
I was hoping to sneak back into my room unnoticed, but of course, that’s impossible in a house full of people, especially, ones who I’m convinced have six senses like her.
“What’s up?” I ask casually as she approaches.
“Come with me.” She links her arm through mine and drags me down the hall before I have a chance to protest.
“Where are we going?”
“Ronan’s with the twins, which means I officially have twenty minutes to get dressed and run a brush through my hair, so I figured you could come and keep me company.”
I let her lead me into one of the guest rooms, which Ciara and Ronan are occupying while they’re here. Inside, there is an explosion of kids’ toys and books all over the bed and floor, and piles of clean toddler clothes stacked in the corner.
“Urgh, excuse the mess.” Ciara kicks the door shut. “Poor Elena. She spends ages tidying and cleaning just for the twins to come and ransack the place. I think I need to talk to Ronan about giving her another raise.”
“Another?” I plop down into the rocking chair in the corner.
Ciara grimaces. “Honestly, I’m so terrified that Elena is going to leave that I practically give her a daily bonus. She is just an absolute godsend. How Ronan thinks we can handle more kids is beyond me.”
“Easy for him to say, he doesn’t have to push them out.”
“That’s what I said!”
I tuck my feet up underneath me and take the cushion from behind my back, holding it to my chest, as I watch Ciara sit down at the vanity and starts loosening her braids.
She catches my eye in the mirror. “So, I take it you told the others about Lorcan?”
“Did Kieran’s yelling give it away?” I pull at a loose thread on the cushion.
“He yelled?”
“I’d be surprised if he didn’t.”
“Well, lucky for him that his office is soundproof, otherwise I would have stormed in there and kicked his ass.”
“He has every right to be upset. Me being here… It put Riley and Aubrey in danger. The same goes for you—”
Ciara holds up a hand to silence me. “What’s done is done. Now, what’s the plan moving forward? Has Cormac forgiven you?”
“I wish,” I blurt before I can stop myself.
Ciara watches me in the mirror as she brushes her almost waist-length blonde hair.
“No. We have a long way to go to get there, let alone to get back what we had, if that’s even possible…”
“He can’t punish you forever.”
“I think he’s going to give it a pretty good go.”
“I can kick his ass too, if you like?”
I huff a laugh. “I would pay good money to see that.”
Ciara grins. “I’m stronger than I look. Who needs a gym when you carry around two enormous Sullivan babies all day?”
“Still…don’t be too hard on Cormac. Or any of them. They have every right to be mad.”
“Cormac, and his brothers for that matter, can be mad all they wants. But that doesn’t give anyone a free pass to treat you like dirt. Do you want me to talk to Ronan—”
“No!”
Ciara startles.
I grimace. “Sorry… But I think this is something that will take time. And as for me and Cormac, we have to navigate this on our own.”
“If you’re sure?”
“I’m sure, but I appreciate you wanting to help.”
“Ever since having the twins, my maternal instinct has gone into overdrive, and I just can’t stand that all of my little ducklings aren’t happy.” She sets down her hairbrush.
“Ducklings?”
“You’re one of my ducklings.”
“Okay…”
“Don’t worry, so are Brennan and Riley. And even Kieran and Cormac.”
“Trust me, the Kieran I just saw was more of a dragon than a duckling.”
“He’s all bark and no bite. Riley, though…she can be terrifying, so watch out,” she teases.
“I’ll do that.”
I’m just heading back upstairs after dinner when I almost walk straight into Cormac coming out of the upstairs office.
“Hey—”
“Come in here.”
He steps aside to let me pass, making sure to put enough space between us so there is no chance of touching.
I stand hovering by the door, feeling like I want to peel my own skin off as Cormac takes a seat in one of the leather chairs.
“Sit.” He indicates the couch opposite him.
I lower myself onto the edge of the leather couch and subtly try to wipe my sweaty palms on my jeans.
This room holds so many bad memories. It’s where our relationship fractured, and even just sitting across from Cormac makes me feel like I can’t breathe.
“Do you want a drink?”
“Do I look like I need one?”
“Yes,” he says plainly.
“I’m fine. What did you want to talk about?”
“We need to get our story straight. Lorcan expected you to delete the file, so you need to convince him you did without letting on that you know what was on it.”
My throat tightens. “I know.”
“You can’t hesitate when you talk to him, even for a second. It will give you away in an instant.”
That alone sends a chill down my spine.
“You will tell him that the file has been wiped, that’s it. Under no circumstances do you mention the transactions or Adrian.”
“What if he asks questions?”
“You deflect. You act like I’m watching you too closely so you can’t talk for long,” Cormac says simply, as if I asked him what’s for dinner.
That part almost makes me laugh. “That won’t be hard.”
His eyes linger on me then, and for a second, I think he might say something, anything, but of course, he doesn’t. And the unbearable silence stretches between us once more.
He frowns. “Are you sure you can do this?”
I know he’s not just asking about lying to Lorcan. It’s about whether I’ll crack. Whether I’ll betray him again. Whether I’m worth the risk.
“Yes,” I say with absolute certainty.
Cormac studies me for a long moment, his gaze sharp enough to cause my skin to break out in goosebumps.
I wonder what he sees when he looks into my eyes… Fear? Guilt? Maybe both? I guess it doesn’t matter. I’ve told him I’m all in, and the only thing left to do is to prove it.
“Cormac… I…I’m sorry.”
It’s subtle, but I catch the tightening of his jaw, the way his shoulders tense as he refuses to look at me.
“We’re not doing this.”
“I just—”
“No.” His voice is firm now, final. “If I’m ever ready to talk about anything other than business, I’ll let you know. Until then, we will keep this professional.”
Professional.
Was what we did last night purely business too?
But I can’t bring myself to ask the question weighing heavy on my heart.
I don’t think I could survive the answer.
My eyes burn, but I blink back the tears.
I refuse to cry in front of him. I refuse to give him another reason to see me as weak, manipulative, or untrustworthy.
Cormac gets to his feet and crosses over to the desk.
I keep my eyes down as I fight past the lump in my throat. A drawer slides open and then closed, and then he’s back, sitting across from me once more.
“Text him.”
I look up to see him holding out my phone.
In all of the chaos, I hadn’t even realized he’d taken it, but it makes sense. I just didn’t expect it to feel like such a slap in the face that he doesn’t trust me to use it without him present.
“I said text him, Fiona.”
“N-now?” I take the phone.
I don’t miss the way Cormac purposefully holds it so that our fingers don’t brush against each other.
“Yes.”
My hands feel clumsy as I turn the phone on, and the screen quickly floods with notifications.
His eyes are slits. “Are those from him?”
“It’s just Zoe.” Another pang of guilt hits as I see text after text from her, demanding to know if I’m alive or if I’ve drowned myself in the Hudson, as well as… “Fuck.”
“What?” Cormac demands.
“There are a few missed calls from Lorcan, plus texts.”
“Saying?”
I quickly unlock my phone and open up my messages.
Is the file gone?
Answer me.
If I don’t hear from you in the next twenty-four hours, I may have to pay a visit to a certain niece of yours.
“He’s asking about the file, he…”
“Fiona,” Cormac presses.
The phone slips from my hand as the panic starts to consume me.
Cormac is on his feet, snatching the phone off the floor.
He curses as he reads the message. “This is why we need to make our next move.”
At this moment, I envy his ability to keep calm and detach himself from his emotions.
At this point, Lorcan doesn’t even need to lay a finger on Amber before I’m collapsing into a trembling, useless mess.
“Give me the phone.” I hold out my shaking hand.
To my surprise, Cormac drops down beside me on the couch, not close enough to touch, but close enough that I can smell his earthy cologne.
It’s disorienting being so near to him, and yet so far away.
“Tell him the file is gone and that you need to talk, that you have news he will want to hear.”
I type slowly, mostly because my hands are still shaking.
Cormac is watching me, his gaze heavy, assessing every breath I take.
When I’m finished, my thumb hovers over the send button.
Once I press it, there’s no going back.
What if Lorcan has already figured out that I’m no longer trustworthy? What if this is the moment everything collapses?
I exhale shakily before hitting send. “It’s done.”
Cormac instantly gets to his feet and crosses over to the desk, as if he can barely stand to be near me for longer than a few minutes.
I try not to take it personally, but how can I not? It’s a far cry from the man who could barely let me walk into his office without tearing off my clothes.
“Leave the phone on the table. I’ll let you know when he replies.”
I realize this is his way of dismissing me.
I place the phone on the table and get to my feet, feeling seconds away from breaking.
This plan is all I have, and I don’t know if it will cost me my life, or Cormac, or both. But as I walk back to my room, alone, feeling like Lorcan has cast a shadow over me, one truth becomes impossible to ignore.
I might have already lost Cormac, and this plan, this dangerous and desperate gamble I’m about to make, is the last move I have left to prove to him that I can be worth saving at all.