16. Cormac
Chapter Sixteen
CORMAC
“I don’t like this.” I slam the car door shut.
The SUV sits running in the driveway, the smoke from the exhaust curling into the cold morning air, and every instinct in my body is screaming that I should be staying put.
Ronan leans against the trunk, looking back up at the house.
“Neither do I, but we don’t have much of a choice.”
Boots crunch on the gravel behind me, and I glance over my shoulder to see Kieran approach.
He looks just as happy about this plan as Ronan. He doesn’t speak right away, but he doesn’t have to. We both know this feels wrong.
“Change your mind,” he mutters.
I don’t look at him. Instead, I keep my eyes fixed on the open front door where Scout is adding more and more toys to his pile of luggage.
“That’s what Lorcan wants.”
“So, don’t give it to him.”
“That’s what he might be counting on. We don’t know which play this is.”
Kieran exhales through his nose. “I don’t like him moving the pieces.”
“Neither do I.”
“Scout, Nico has to stay here!” I hear Ciara call from inside the house.
Just then, Scout appears once more, carrying a startled-looking Nico in his arms.
“But why?” Scout turns around and heads back inside, passing Brennan on the way, who reaches down to ruffle his hair.
“Scout’s bouncing off the walls,” he says. “Kid thinks you’re taking him to Disneyland.”
I’m barely listening, too lost in my thoughts to be present for more than a few moments at a time.
I look at Ronan again, and I can tell his mind is already ten steps ahead of the rest of us, trying to assess the risk and outcome of each move Lorcan could make.
“Say it,” I tell him.
“Lorcan’s not stupid. If he’s sending you out of the city, it’s because something’s about to shift here.”
“Adrian?” Brennan asks a little too casually.
“Maybe,” Ronan mutters. “I guess only time will tell.”
“That’s the part I don’t like. I don’t like the idea of fucking off and leaving you to deal with the aftermath.”
Kieran scoffs. “We’ve got the numbers to deal with whatever Lorcan throws at us.”
“Still…”
Just then, Scout comes barreling down the front steps, his backpack bouncing against his back and a huge grin on his face.
“Let’s go!” he yells, completely consumed by his excitement.
I should be pleased to see him acting so normally, but I’m not.
This trip will be the first time he’s left Kieran’s estate since the night Adrian’s men took him, and who’s to say something like that won’t happen again?
“You’ve got two cars behind you and one ahead. Kieran’s got men at the resort already, so you’re covered,” Brennan says, as if he can read my thoughts.
I nod, but the tension doesn’t leave my shoulders. I look at the house and watch as Fiona gives Ciara and Riley a hug goodbye.
“Call me if Lorcan so much as breathes,” I mutter under my breath.
“You’ll be the first to know,” Ronan promises, pushing off the car and slapping a hand on my shoulder. “But try to have some fun in the meantime.”
Kieran rolls his eyes. “Cormac doesn’t know the meaning of fun.”
I look between the three of them, my brothers, my backup, my line of defense if this turns into the wrong kind of trip.
“Come on, Daddy!” Scout calls.
I force myself to move, to be a father instead of a chess piece for five goddamn minutes. But as I open the car door and help buckle Scout into his seat, one thought plays on a loop in my head.
Lorcan didn’t ask me to leave for no reason, so whatever he’s planning, my brothers better be ready.
The grave look on Fiona’s face as she approaches the car tells me she’s thinking the same thing.
“Ready to go?” I ask her.
She avoids my gaze but gives me a quick nod before getting in the car.
The idea of spending the next few days alone, just the three of us, feels dangerous and not just because of Lorcan.
The drive starts with Scout filling the silence, narrating everything we pass from the cars to the billboard signs on the freeway.
Fiona angles her body toward him, her smile never faltering as she asks him questions to keep him distracted.
I try to focus only on the road, but I’m too aware of the distance between our knees, the way her hand stays folded in her lap, instead of entwined with mine.
It used to be that we would reach for each other without thinking, and now every movement between us feels considered and careful, like we’re strangers.
Once we clear the city and the skyline fades behind us, my unease only sharpens.
Open roads mean exposure.
I tail one of the SUVs, never letting more than one car get between us. I tighten my grip on the wheel and quickly check the rearview mirror again to make sure the other two black SUVs are still behind us.
It doesn’t feel like enough protection, but having a full motorcade would only draw more attention.
Scout presses his face to the window as he watches the ski resort come into view.
I booked the entire place out for the next few days, so I could control exactly who would be coming and going.
Realistically, it’s not just Lorcan I need to worry about, and I would be a fool to assume that Adrian didn’t have eyes on me at all times, looking for the perfect opportunity to strike.
And what better time than when I am completely isolated from my family?
“Can we go ice skating first?” Scout asks. “Actually, I want to go in the pool!”
“We have plenty of time to do everything,” Fiona reminds him.
“Yeah, but I just don’t know what to do first.”
His excitement only makes me feel even guiltier. Scout is acting like this is the greatest day of his life, and if I were a better father, I would have given him hundreds of other days like this, instead of locking him inside for most of his childhood.
The security at the entrance gives a subtle nod as we pull in, and I clock the faces of each of them for reference.
“You brought half an army,” Fiona comments as the cars follow behind us into the resort.
“Did you expect any less?” I mutter.
“No, I guess not.”
By the time I kill the engine, Scout is practically ready to burst with excitement.
The second I help him out of the car, he makes to bolt for the hotel entrance, but I quickly grab him by the hood of his coat before he makes it three steps.
“Slow down, bud. You can’t go running off.”
“I’m not!” he huffs. “I just want to go.”
Fiona appears around the front of the car, shouldering Scout’s backpack. “Your dad is right, Scout. Just because we have the place to ourselves doesn’t mean you can do whatever you want.”
I give her a grateful look that she pretends not to see, then I turn to my son. “Why don’t we go and drop off our stuff and then decide what to do first?”
Scout sighs. “Fine.”
When we reach our suite, Scout practically ricochets off the walls as he runs from room to room, deciding which one he wants.
I erred on the side of caution and booked a suite with three double beds because spending all day with Fiona is enough of a test of my control in itself. I don’t need to be sharing a bed with her too, no matter how much I want to.
Once Scout has picked his room, I leave him to unpack his toys and head down the hallway.
Fiona lingers in the doorway of the other rooms, looking uncertain.
I lean against the doorframe of the third bedroom. “You can have this one if you prefer?”
“This one is fine,” she says without looking at me.
There’s so much I want to say, but I don’t want to give her false hope. So, instead, I keep my mouth shut.
“Daddy! Can we go sledging?” Scout yells from his room.
“I’m right here, bud, you don’t need to yell.”
“Oops, sorry!”
The soft sound of Fiona’s laughter draws my attention.
I glance over my shoulder to see her covering her mouth with her hand, trying to stifle the sound, but her blue eyes are dancing with amusement.
I’m so taken aback by how bright they are that I don’t realize I’m staring until Fiona’s cheeks start to bloom with color.
I peel my gaze away from her. “Sorry if you thought this was going to be a relaxing vacation.”
She chuckles, looking more relaxed than she has in a long time. “Believe me, I was under no illusion this was going to be relaxing. I’ve been on enough trips with young kids to know you need at least four coffees a day just to survive. All I really care about is that Scout has fun. He deserves it.”
I tuck my hands into my pockets, at a complete loss for words.
To hear Fiona put Scout’s needs above her own without even hesitating…
I don’t know why it surprises me. She’s always been like that, ever since I brought her into Scout’s life.
After everything with Lorcan, it cast a dark cloud over everything, and I lost sight of the woman I was falling for.
But it’s moments like this, where I catch glimpses of the real Fiona again, that make me struggle with keeping my distance, because it’s so hard to imagine someone so kind could be working with Lorcan.
Then again, this is the exact reason why Lorcan is targeting her.
It’s because she would do anything for her family without a second thought that makes her such an easy target.
As admirable as her loyalty to her family is, it’s also a hindrance that can be used to manipulate her.
Scout doesn’t give us much time to unpack before he drags us outside into the frigid cold.
The icy wind tugs at Fiona’s hair as she laughs when Scout nearly faceplants into the snow in his rush to make snow angels.
It’s the happiest I’ve heard either of them sound in weeks, and I find myself not wanting the moment to end.
But of course, I’m a Sullivan, so I can’t completely relax.
As Fiona and Scout are busy making piles of snowballs, my eyes scan our surroundings for some of my men who are subtly hidden among the trees.
Fiona nudges me with her elbow. “You’re going to lose if you don’t start making some snowballs.”
I blink and look down at her.
Her nose and cheeks are pink from the cold, but her eyes are bright and crinkling at the edges as she fights a smile.
“I am,” I say half-heartedly.
“You’re looking for threats.”
I don’t argue. I look over at Scout. “Adrian’s still out there. So is Lorcan.”
“I know. But Scout is right here, and I know it’s difficult, but he needs you to be present.”
I go to reply, but Scout suddenly bundles into the backs of my legs, knocking me into Fiona, who quickly loses her balance.
My arm snakes around her waist automatically as I hold her against me.
“Sorry,” I grunt.
She laughs, her hands braced on my chest. “It’s okay.”
We’re so close that it would be too easy to dip my head and press a kiss to her lips. And the way Fiona is staring up at me with hopeful eyes tells me that's exactly what she wants me to do.
“Daddy, come on!” Scout whines. “We should build an igloo!”
I drop my arms from around Fiona and step backwards, clearing my throat, trying not to notice the look of disappointment on her face.
“We could sleep in the igloo,” Scout suggests as I lay down another brick of snow.
Fiona shakes her head. “I think I’m going to stick to sleeping somewhere with heating and running water.”
“I bet Uncle Brennan would sleep in the igloo with me.”
“He would, but that’s because Uncle Brennan is an idiot and would freeze to death,” I mutter, and Fiona chokes on a laugh.
Scott point sat me, “I’m going to tell him you called him an idiot.”
“Go right ahead, bud.”
“Maybe let’s not call anyone an idiot?” Fiona suggests, though I can tell she’s trying her hardest not to laugh.
Scout rolls his eyes and resumes his task of trying to make bricks out of snow.
Fiona kneels beside him, completely unbothered that her jeans are getting soaked, brushing Scout’s hair from his eyes as he works.
I notice then how she looks at him.
It’s the same way I do. Like he’s everything.
It’s a miracle Scout makes it through dinner without falling asleep. His eyelids start to droop halfway through his dessert, so I call it a night and carry him to bed, staying a few minutes to watch him sleep.
When I finally shut the door and head back into the main living area of the suite, I find the balcony doors are wide open, and Fiona is standing, looking out at the dark sky, a blanket wrapped around her shoulders.
I want to join her. To hold her against me, wrapped up in my arms, and spend hours looking out at the starry sky and pretending like the rest of the world doesn’t exist.
If she hears my footsteps, she makes no attempt to acknowledge them. So, I stand and watch her for a moment before disappearing into my room and shutting myself away for the night.
Today might have been the closest we’ve gotten to finding a new normal, but I know that happiness like that can never last, and I’ve barely survived losing her once. I’m not sure if I can do it again.