29. Fiona
Chapter Twenty-Nine
FIONA
The sound of the front door slamming shut announces Cormac’s return.
It’s almost morning, but I haven’t slept. My body is too high on adrenaline for me to calm down long enough to close my eyes.
At the sound of footsteps, I jump up from my seat just as Cormac storms into the kitchen looking murderous.
My step falters.
He doesn’t look like someone who's finally taken out the bad guy.
The storm that has been brewing inside him for the past few days hasn’t passed. If anything, it feels more prominent.
“Cormac?” I ask, tentatively.
He doesn’t answer me right away. Instead, he starts muttering to himself and shaking his head as he paces around the kitchen. I’m not even sure if he’s realized I’m here.
“Cormac,” I press, my voice softer this time. “Please… talk to me—”
He finally snaps, spinning toward me with a look of such fury that I cower.
“Lorcan got away,” he growls.
It takes me a second to register what he’s saying.
Lorcan got away? How is that even possible?
“W-what? How? Nobody knew about the plan but us.” My voice trembles with a mixture of disbelief and fear.
Cormac continues to pace. “Someone obviously said something.”
My brow furrows at his tone. “Are you suggesting that I said something?”
This stops him in his tracks. “No, I…” He lets out a heavy sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Fuck, that’s not what I’m saying.”
“Then what are you saying? Because to me it sounds like the blame has already been placed on someone.”
Some of the initial fear I felt at the realization of Lorcan escaping is giving way to something stronger.
“It’s not been placed on anyone.” Cormac braces his hands on the edge of the island and hangs his head.
“We’re all just trying to piece everything together.
Lorcan knew we were planning on intercepting him tonight, and he planned for it.
The fucker played us the entire time. I should have put a bullet in his head when I had the chance. ”
He slams his fist down onto the hard marble and immediately winces.
That’s when I notice the dark bruising already blossoming over his knuckles.
I swallow down my own frustration and walk over to the refrigerator to pull out an ice pack.
“Here,” I take his hand and hold the ice pack against it.
Cormac lets out a hiss, but he doesn’t fight me.
He huffs. “I’m not blaming you, but Lorcan got wind of our plan somehow, and he’s smart enough to exploit the tiniest mistake.”
I keep my eyes down as my mind starts to race.
If Lorcan knew our plan, then we have been compromised, but the only question is, by who?
I look up at Cormac then, trying to read his expression, to see if he believes I could have done something.
He’s tense and restless, and I can see the anger in his eyes, but I also catch that flicker of uncertainty when he finally looks me in the eye.
“What did he say to you?” I ask coolly.
I can see Cormac mentally calculating whether to tell me the truth or not, but he seems to think better of it.
He pulls out a stool and collapses down onto it, letting out a deep exhale that makes his shoulders drop.
“He told me you’re not really on my side,” Cormac admits, his jaw tightening. “That maybe I don’t know you as well as I think I do.”
“And you believe him.”
It’s not a question.
“Of course, I don’t believe him. Fuck, I’m sorry. I’m just frustrated, and I’m taking it out on you, that’s all. You know I trust you, Fiona.”
I let out a slow breath, but his reassurance does little to ease the growing doubt in my mind.
I’m not an idiot. Deep down, I know Cormac had to believe Lorcan’s insinuations at least a little to bring it up with me, and that thought leaves a bitter taste in my mouth.
If he can even entertain that doubt for a second, what else might linger in the corners of his mind?
I step closer. “Cormac, I’ve done everything in my power to prove myself to you, and I won’t stand for this being thrown back in my face every time you get angry. I can’t live in a world where your forgiveness has an expiration date.”
Cormac is silent for a long moment, and I can see him wrestling with his thoughts, until he finally exhales. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. I just… I hate how much he gets under my skin.”
“Then don’t let him.”
His eyes search my face as he reaches out to brush his non-bruised knuckles over my cheek. “You know what this means.”
“What what means?”
“Lorcan is free, and he knows you betrayed him.”
His words land like a punch to my gut. “It was always a risk I was willing to take.”
“I want you to know that I won’t ever let anything happen to you. Your safety is my number one priority.”
“Scout is your number one priority. So, before you go on some reckless mission to lure Lorcan back out of hiding, remember that your son needs you.”
Cormac hesitates for a second before sinking his fingers into my hair and pulling my mouth to his.
“I’m going to fix this,” he murmurs against my lips.
“I know you will,” I whisper, though inside, I feel like I’m being torn open.
Lorcan is free, and he knows I betrayed him.
Even if Cormac and his brothers manage to finish what they started, there’s no saying whether or not I’ll survive.
I don’t see Cormac for the rest of the day. I catch sight of Ronan disappearing into the office and the lock clicking into place a second later.
My stomach tightens.
Whatever is happening in that room isn’t something I’m meant to hear.
As I move through the house, I make a point of glancing out the front window, looking at the four cars in the driveway.
Cormac’s. Brennan’s. Kieran’s. Ronan’s.
Everyone is here. Everyone is safe. But for how long?
While Cormac and his brothers lock themselves away to try and come up with a plan, I stay close to Scout. I linger in the doorway of the living room while he spreads himself out on the floor with a puzzle.
Riley sits beside him as she holds a sleeping Aubrey in her arms, listening with interest as he talks at her a mile a minute.
Ciara half-dozes on the couch after finally managing to get both twins down for the night.
I keep one eye on them and one eye on the front door, noticing every person who walks through it.
I tell myself I’m just being careful, but the truth is uglier than that.
Lorcan is free, and he knows what I’ve done to him, and that’s not something I can easily forget.
A cold sweat breaks out on the back of my neck, and I clamp a hand over my mouth as I fight the urge to vomit.
I catch someone walking past out of the corner of my eye.
I turn instantly, feeling a jolt of panic, only to find Brennan crossing the foyer.
His phone is pressed to his ear, and his is expression hard and distant. He doesn’t look at me as he disappears into Kieran’s office, the door shutting firmly behind him.
I look back to the living room and take notice of each person. Riley. Scout. Ciara. Aubrey.
My gaze travels back to the front window. Four cars. Cormac. Ronan. Kieran. Brennan—
“Fiona,” Scout whines, barreling into my side and almost knocking me off balance.
I put a hand out to steady myself. “Careful, Scout.”
“Oops, sorry,” he mumbles. “When is Daddy going to be finished with work?”
I chance a look at Riley, who grimaces.
“Not for a while yet, I’m afraid.”
“But he’s been working all day,” he whines.
“I know, buddy. But how about we watch a movie?”
His face lights up instantly. “Can we watch The Lion King?”
“We can watch whatever you want,” I say, even though my nerves scream at the idea of settling in one place for too long.
Part of me thinks that if I can just keep moving, it will somehow shrink the target on my back.
I make some popcorn just to keep my hands busy, and all of us pile onto the sectional in the movie room to watch the movie.
Scout wedges between me and Riley, and I subtly angle myself so I can see the open door and the hallway beyond without being obvious.
Ciara stretches out on the edge, already half asleep before the Circle of Life has even started.
I force myself to sing along to the songs because it keeps Scout smiling, but my stomach stays knotted the entire time.
Halfway through the movie, I notice Scout has gone quiet, and I glance down to find him asleep, his arm still wrapped around the empty popcorn bowl.
I smile. “I think I’m going to take this one up to bed.”
Riley waves a hand, too engrossed in the movie to say anything, and Ciara is already fast asleep.
I carefully ease the bowl from Scout’s grip and lift him into my arms.
He stirs but quickly settles his head on my shoulder as I carry him to bed.
Once I’ve tucked him in and made sure all of his stuffed animals are accounted for, I lean forward and press a kiss to his forehead.
“Sleep tight,” I whisper.
I stay to watch Scout sleep for a while.
It’s scary how much he looks like Cormac even in sleep, from the crease between his brows to the way the corners of his mouth turn down.
It makes me think of the look on Cormac’s face when he told me Lorcan escaped, of the flicker of uncertainty I saw in his eyes when he told me someone betrayed us.
It hurts more than I want to admit that even now, after everything I’ve done, there’s still a lingering doubt between us.
I can live with danger, and I can live with fear, but what I don’t think I can live with is wondering if he will ever truly stop seeing me as a risk.
But how do I bridge that space between us? Either we move forward together, fully trusting each other, or we’re stuck in this limbo forever; and I refuse to live in a world where every argument, every tense moment, becomes another chance for my past to haunt us.
When I finally leave Scout’s room, I hear the sound of men moving about the house down below.
I hover at the top of the stairs, listening, hoping to catch a scrap of information that tells me we can survive this.
I don’t know how long I stand there. It might be seconds, or it might be hours. The only thing that makes me move is the sound of my phone ringing in my pocket.
It slices through the quiet, making my heart lurch violently.
My first instinct is panic, closely followed by dread, wondering if this is Lorcan calling to tell me my time is up.
But when I look at the screen, I blink.
It’s Joe.
I want to ignore it, but something makes me answer.
“What?” I say, already bracing myself.
There’s a pause.
“I deserved that. And I’m not calling to argue.”
I lean against the wall, sliding down until I’m sitting on the floor outside Scout’s room.
“Then why are you calling?”
“Because I’ve been a dick. And because after you came by the other day, it finally clicked that I don’t get to punish you for something you didn’t do.”
“You don’t have to say this. I’m happy with us being civil for the girls’ sake, but that’s it—”
“I do. I’ve been taking my grief and aiming it straight at you because it’s easier than admitting how much it hurts.”
This was the last thing I was expecting Joe to say, and for a moment, I’m not sure how to respond, so the silence stretches between us.
“I should have protected Carly,” I say quietly. “I should have seen it sooner. If I had—”
“Stop that! That’s exactly what I’ve been letting you do, and it’s bullshit. You were her sister, not her keeper, and you don’t get to carry her choices just because you loved her.”
My eyes sting, and I screw them shut, determined not to shed any more tears. “I keep replaying it, over and over. But every version, I do something different. I found a better solution, but...”
“None of those versions guarantee she lives,” Joe finishes. “That’s the part we don’t want to accept.”
I swallow hard. “You hate me.”
“I don’t. I was angry. I was…drowning, and I took it out on you because I needed someone to blame other than Carly. But keeping you at arm’s length didn’t protect me. If anything, it just made everything worse because it hurt Amber and Skye.”
I wipe my eyes with the back of my hand. “I’m sorry. For all of it.”
“Me too.”
We sit in the quiet together, but the silence doesn’t feel as heavy as before.
“I see the way he looks at you,” Joe adds after a moment. “Cormac.”
“Yeah?”
“He’s in deep, Fi. Trust me, I’ve been there. I know what that looks like.”
Tears slip free before I can stop them. “I love him.”
“I know.”
“I just… I’m terrified of losing him. I don’t think I would survive.”
“No self-respecting guy would willingly wear a princess crown unless he was in it for the long run,” he says, and I let out a watery laugh. “But I think you might have to fight Amber and Skye for him. They are officially on Team Cormac.”
I wipe my cheeks. “That makes me so happy.”
“Maybe you guys can come over for dinner next week?”
It takes me a moment to be able to talk past the lump in my throat.
The fact that Joe is willingly reaching out a hand not just to me but to Cormac too means the world.
“I’d love that.”
When the call ends, I stay where I am, leaning against the wall, my phone resting limply in my hand.
One phone call hasn’t erased the grief we both feel for how Carly’s story ended, but for the first time since she died, it feels as though the blame has finally shifted off my shoulders.