12. Astor
CHAPTER TWELVE
ASTOR
I ’m gripping the steering wheel so tight that I’m afraid I’ll rip the fucking thing off. I want to turn around and find that slithering piece of a man and kill him.
“You’re grinding your teeth.” I am. She’s right, but I don’t care. “Do you get headaches often? I would.”
“Stop talking.”
“Actually, I don’t think I will. Why’d you say those things to Zander?”
“What things, Alessia?” She sighs and looks out the window as we near my parents’ house. Her parents are already here and I’m hoping this will be quick. I’m fucking tired of talking. I need to work out. I’m so fucking tense I feel like I’ll break whatever I touch. The gates open and I pull in. She pulls on her fingers and looks at me.
“You said that you see me and that I’m yours. I’m not yours and you don’t see me.”
I turn to her, startling her when I cup her face in my hands. I can’t stop myself even if I wanted to at this point, so I don’t even try. I’ll give myself this moment, but only this moment. Maybe my touch will bring her memory back or some shit. I’m getting desperate.
“Alessia, you’re all I’ve ever seen. And I hate how true that is, just like you hate the fact that you are mine and you always have been.” She opens her mouth, but nothing comes out. My gaze drops to her lips as she runs her tongue over them. I can’t help myself as I pull her to me, planting a soft kiss on them. It’s everything I’m not: gentle, soft and comforting. When I pull away, she runs her fingers over her lips, staring at me.
“You kissed me…” She’s confused and I can’t blame her. I’ve fought these feelings against her for years. But no matter what, I can’t allow myself to love her any harder than I already do. Loving her is what’s leading me to wish I hated her instead.
I could never hate her, but she can’t know that yet.
“It won’t happen again.” I climb out of the car and she’s right behind me, grabbing my arm.
“But what if I want it to happen again?”
“Then I’d tell you that you have no idea what you’re asking for.” She doesn’t. She doesn’t know how rough I am, how the idea of inflicting pain on her arouses me.
“If I’m going to be your wife, I’m not dying a virgin. So, unless you plan on letting me—” I cut her off, completely confused on what’s coming out of her mouth.
“You and Zander never had sex?” She bites her lip and shakes her head.
“You know I thought that was why he broke up with me, because I wouldn’t put out.”
“Why wouldn’t you?”
“I don’t know…every time he’d get close to me or touch me, hell even when he kissed me, it made me feel sick. Honestly, it’s like that with any man. The guy in the club, even. Maybe I’m broken.” She shrugs her shoulders.
“Did you feel like that with me just now?” She pulls on her fingers again and looks at the pavement, avoiding my stare. I tilt her chin up to look at me. “Did you?”
“No…I didn’t. Which is why I think we should use this to our advantage.” I chuckle at the wheels starting to spin in her head. I know her and I know her thought process. I fully expect what comes out of her mouth next, so I show zero emotion when she says it. “I hear that sex is better when you’re mad, so I’m curious how it would be for two people who hate each other…”
I crowd her, backing her against the front door. She steadies herself by grabbing onto my shirt. “You want me to fuck you, malyshka ?” She nods, but I shake my head. “Gestures won’t work for me; I need to hear it. I need to hear you say that you want me to fuck that tight little cunt until you’re screaming my name and your blood coats my cock.”
“Astor…” Even with growing up around the mafia, she’s still pure as ever. Well, as pure as she can be. But she’s reckless, too. I’ve seen it.
“I tell you what. We’re going to sit through this meeting and agree with everything they say so we can get the fuck out of here. Then I’m going to take you home and take the one thing I’ve wanted for so long. Understood?” She nods and I turn her around, walking her through the front door to greet our parents.
This is a bad idea. But bad ideas never stopped me before and I won’t start now.
But first, I need to tell her that she isn’t a virgin.
“Astor, honey. How’s classes?”
“They’re fine, Mom. Finals are next week, so just been studying before the semester ends.”
“And you, Alessia?”
“Pretty much the same.” She’s shifting in her seat and I give her a quick glance, whispering in a voice low enough for only us to hear.
“Relax, malyshka .” She tightens the grip she has on her fingers and I mindlessly think about reaching for them before stopping myself. I can feel my mother’s eyes on me, but I can’t tear mine away from Alessia. “You’re going to hurt yourself,” I growl, making her glare at me.
“I just want this to be fucking over. Leave me alone.” I’m stuck between the battle of being my normal dick self or just letting her have this one when my father clears his throat.
We’re all sitting in the family room, and despite it being noon, each of our parents have drinks in their hands as if we’re celebrating something.
“Alessia, Astor. We know that you both are against this marriage and we know that you two seem to believe that you hate each other.” He chuckles as he says that, and before I know it, my teeth are grinding again. “Alessia asked for a two-month trial marriage, and while we all think it’s you both fighting the inevitable, we are obliging. But the conditions are that the wedding will be here in two weeks, and if you decide to end your marriage at the end of this two-month trial , you cannot file for divorce until you’ve been married for a year.”
“You can’t be serious,” she says, putting her head down. I take a deep breath, containing my anger before it spills over.
“What in the fuck have you gotten yourselves into? And how are we the solution? Tell us now, or I promise a tempted runaway bride won’t be your only worry.”
My father raises his eyebrow at me, questioning my words.
“Astor, I’m not sure you want me or Ander to answer that.”
“Answer it.”
“I tell you what, how about I just tell you in private. Walk with me, son.” I stand, not giving Alessia a second glance as I follow my father into his study.
He always brought me in here as a kid for our man to man talks, even though I was only ten or eleven at the time. They were the highlights of my day back then. I couldn’t wait to be that big, to feel that powerful.
He closes the door to his study and gestures toward the chair. “I’ll stand. What’s going on?”
“Miles…”
One word. One word and my vision goes red, just at the mention of his name. My fists automatically ball at my sides.
“Don’t say his fucking name.”
“His family is a part of the Bratva, as you know, and for years, they’ve battled with trying to punish you for what you did to him.”
“Do they know why I did it?” He nods.
“They were appalled to hear what you walked in on; however, his father is having quite a hard time accepting the fact that you almost killed his son. His heir.”
He pours himself another scotch, quickly shooting it back. “He has been trying to turn the Bratva against us, exile us out. Obviously, their loyalty lies with me, so they’re giving me the opportunity to expunge him how I see fit. The only way I can do that without going against the code, is if I have more power.”
“Our name is already powerful, more powerful than his. And I am not going to use Alessia at the expense of Miles.”
“Yes, that’s true, but you know who is also powerful? The Ballerini’s. A Pavlov and Ballerini together cannot be stopped. No one would second guess what we say and everyone would fall at our fucking feet. And if this shit goes south, we need to know that it wasn’t for nothing. So I’m sorry, but it’s time to get over the fact that she lost her memory and time to help her start getting back.”
“What do you mean if it goes south?”
“I mean that Miles’ dad may not be as powerful, but the fucker is just as crazy. And if he doesn’t decide to leave quietly, I have a feeling a lot of blood will be shed in New York.”