45. Alessia
CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE
ALESSIA
A s angry as I am, I know I can’t go after anyone until I remember everything. My mother’s words are replaying in my head, of her saying my therapist said to let me remember on my own. But the harder I think, the more I start to believe that the memories never left. That I buried them and made them think I’d forgotten. I remember being this tornado as Miles called me. I remember Teagan and Astor calling me that, too. I remember them saying that anytime something happened, especially to our families, that I destroyed anything in my path. I remember being violent and not knowing boundaries. I lacked self-control, the ability to stop myself when it was over. I remember Astor being the one to always reel me back in. I was a loose canon and I was only sixteen. I was on a level of self-destruction. I’m not going after anyone until I can control that.
I’m getting out of the shower when I hear the front door shut and voices. I know it’s Astor, but I’m not sure who it is with him. I throw on a pair of sleeping shorts and a tank top, instead of one of Astor’s shirts. I don’t want to smell him. I won’t be able to help myself if I’m in his shirt.
I walk downstairs to grab a bottle of water and Mikhail spots me first. He glances at Astor while Jay elbows Teagan.
I ignore them, every last one of them. I grab my water and head back for the stairs. Astor is on my heels immediately.
I walk past our room and head towards the guest room when he places his hands on my shoulders, guiding me back to our room instead.
“The boys are staying here tonight. You no longer sleep anywhere but next to me.”
I ignore him, stepping inside the bedroom. He shuts the door and leans against it, running his hand up and down his tux pants.
“Do you need something?” I inquire, flipping the cover to the comforter back.
“You came home.”
“It’s twelve in the morning, where else would I go?” I mumble. He walks towards me and I hold my hand out. “Don’t. Just please, don’t. I don’t want to see you, Ast. I don’t want to talk to you.”
“Alessia, look. You’re pissed, I get it. I’d be pissed, too. You were robbed of memories. You were violated. I can’t imagine what you are thinking right now. I want to kill him. I truly want to kill him, but don’t run from me. Let me fight this with you. Let me help you.”
“I bled. I don’t understand. How did he rape me if I bled when we...” I shake my head and crawl into the bed. He kneels in front of me, his eyes filled with unshed tears.
“The doctor said it’s possible your hymen wasn’t broken. I got there quickly the moment I heard you scream..”
“I want to sleep. Let me, please.” My head is spinning at what he’s saying, I feel dizzy and just want it to stop. I close my eyes, only opening them when I hear the door shut.
Sleep, Alessia. Sleep. Don’t think about the fucking phone call you got just a few minutes ago.
From your rapist.