57. Alessia
CHAPTER FIFTY-SEVEN
ALESSIA
M y head is hanging between my legs as I force myself to breathe.
Breathe, Alessia.
Breathe.
Just fucking breathe.
“Hey, in through your nose out through your mouth.” I look up and Astor is there, rubbing my shoulders. I didn’t even realize that it was him I heard telling me to breathe. I follow his commands, and slowly but surely, my breathing evens out.
“Good girl, come back to me. Tell me what happened,” he says, running his fingers through my hair.
“I heard what he said…” I croaked. I was standing by the door. I wanted to see what they were going to do to him, but when he said that Miles said I wanted it, I fled. I felt sick, disgusted, and confused.
“ Malyshka .” I shake my head at him, stopping him before he can continue.
“Why does he keep saying that? Is my memory wrong? I wanted you , I flirted with you , I hinted at you . Not him. It was never him. Could he have gotten it wrong?”
“He saw us kissing that day. He knew we were together. You did nothing wrong,” he reassures me.
“Why do I feel like this is my fault, then? Why do I feel so worthless? And fucking angry. I don’t know where I belong anymore, what I was made for. I don’t know who I am anymore. I feel robbed, I feel like pieces of me are dying. Like it’d be better if I were dead.”
The words are rushing out of my mouth. They’re fast and mushed together almost.
“Alessia, you were made for me and only me. You aren’t worthless, you are the strongest person I know. Don’t ever say it’d be better if you were dead, because if you go, I go . My world wouldn’t be better without you. No one’s world would ever be better without you.” My eyes are watery and I’m fighting every ounce of my being to hold it together. Astor leans in, resting his forehead against mine, his hand mindlessly running through my hair. “You are mine, Alessia. Mine. He will pay for this. I promise, but don’t ever think it’d be better without you, do you understand?”
I nod and he tilts my face up to his look at him, his breathing is becoming a bit erratic, and his eyes look dark and pinpointed. He squeezes me and I jolt at the force.
“Tell me that’ll never come out of your mouth again,” he begs as I wipe my tears.
“I’m sorry.”
“You’re mine.”
“I’m yours.” I plant my lips against his when a scream breaks out. My head whips towards the basement and Astor grabs my hand.
“Let’s go, we’ll wait for them at the SUV.” I nod and follow him, my hand in his.
The walk back to the SUV was quick and quiet. He never let’s go of my hand. His grip tightens when I adjust my hand.
“I’m not going anywhere, silly man.” He faults for a second, glaring at me and I can’t help the feeling of guilt that washes over me when I see his face. He quickly gathers himself and smirks at me.
He turns around and pushes me against a tree that the SUV is behind.
“Of course, you aren’t. I’m going to make sure of it.” His eyes rake over my body and I can’t help how my body reacts to his stare.
“Yeah? How?”
“That’s for me to worry about it.” He dips his head down and smashes his lips against mine. “You did so good today, little devil. I’d be lying if I said it didn’t turn me on.”
“Seeing me cut a man’s ear off turned you on?”
“Seeing you be strong turned me on….and now I’m going to fuck you.” I look around and he smirks. “Nothing you say is getting you out of this.”
“What if they come back?”
He shrugs as he pulls my pants down and yanks my leg up. I gasp at the sound of my panties ripping.
“Then I guess they’ll get the chance to see me fuck my wife before I gouge their eyes out for looking. By the way, I liked it better when you didn’t like wearing panties. Go back to that, it gave me much easier access.” His pants are down before I can respond and he slams into me. My head hits the back of the tree, but I don’t care; I welcome the pain.
I welcome it because I need it. I need it to remind me that this is real life, that I’m not in a bad dream that’ll end soon. I need the pain to remind me that I’m here and not off in my mind. Most of all, I need to keep myself from wanting to end it all, and the only way to do that would be to eliminate the stress factor: Me .
“Get those thoughts out of your mind, malyshka . You aren’t leaving me. Ever.”
He nibbles my ear before plunging deeper into me again. My groans get louder and soon I’m submerged in nothing but my screams of pleasure. I’m no longer thinking about how fucked up my life is. I’m only thinking about this man who’s fucking me so hard against this tree that I’m sure I’ll have pieces left in my skin.
He reaches down and grabs the knife from my thigh holster and holds it against my neck. I know right then what I need him to do, what I need to do to feel like I’ve relived the worse time of my life. I ran away. Not physically, but mentally—and I didn’t get to feel the pain the rest of them did. The guilt my parents carried, the resentment Astor carried. I didn’t get to feel it because I ran. But I can now, I can make someone I trust put me through that pain. It may not be the same, but it’s as close as I can get.
I wrap my hand around his and push it into my neck. He frowns and stares me in the eyes as he loosens his hold on the knife. I watch as he understands. He shakes his head and pulls out of me, dropping the knife on the ground.
“Please, I need to feel what you felt that day.”
“Not here, Alessia.”
“Then at least finish fucking me.” He glares at me, and at this point, I’m willing to drop to my knees and do whatever the fuck I have to do for him to fuck me. My pussy is throbbing and I’m sure that if he runs his finger through it, he’ll curse.
Not even a second later, he’s back on me, and just like I predicted, he mumbles, “ Fuck ,” under his breath the moment his fingers touch my clit. I moan, letting my head fall back as his cock invades my wetness.
It’s always so good when he first slides inside of me; that feeling is untouchable. I wish I could watch as he throttles me, in and out, but it’s so dark all I can see is the silhouette of him.
“Goddamn, your pussy is always ready to welcome me home, isn’t it?” he growls into my ear. He lifts my leg and pulls out, teasing the tip of his cock against my entrance. I let out an annoyed huff and he chuckles. “Needy for your good boy’s cock?”
I gulp, and by the tell of his face, he hears it. But I don’t care. Hearing him call himself my good boy when he’s clearly in control is enough to make me come on spot.
“I asked you a question. Don’t get shy on me now.”
“Yes…yes, be a good boy and fuck me. Then take me home and show me how much I tortured you all those years.”
The sound that comes from him is animalistic, I can’t help but to make one myself. Especially when he flips me around, places my hand on the rough tree trunk, kicks my legs open wider, and fucks me so hard that the sound is echoing throughout the woods. I feel euphoric. My body is moving on its own accord, chasing the rhythm that he fucks me in. His hand is wrapped tightly around my high ponytail, and when he yanks me back to kiss me, my legs shiver. Fuck, my entire body shivers.
“You’re taking my cock like such a good girl.”
“Mmm, don’t stop; not yet.” I’m so close that I can practically taste myself on my lips.
“Not a chance, baby. I’m not stopping until cum coats my cock like its apart of my fucking skin.”
He digs his fingers into my neck and thrusts forward. The extra sensation with the pain sends me over. He’s relentless with his thrusts, they’ve become brutal and fast. I can feel him in my stomach and he doesn’t let up, even though I’m screaming from an orgasm so intense, I know at the end if he isn’t there to catch me, I’ll fall.
The back of my neck is wet.
Am I sweating?
I look up and his face is full of tears and rage. And I realize that Astor is fucking me brutally because he’s trying to show me his pain. Just like I asked, but it’s still not enough.
“Ast…”
“Shut up and take it, Alessia,” he says as he reaches around and slaps my pussy lips. I bellow out and he covers my mouth with his hand. “You wanna know how painful it was? It was like I was suffocating.” He tightens his hand that’s over my mouth and I soon realize it’s over my nose, too.
He’s suffocating me.
His cock is slamming in and out of me and his words are becoming disoriented. They’re becoming harder and harder to understand. But I try my hardest to hear him, to understand him.
“I couldn’t fucking breathe around you, Alessia. I wanted to fuck the memory of me, of us, back into you. I wanted to fuck you so hard in your room, on that bed, in that exact position, so that you’d remember me and not him.”
I’m becoming dizzy. Suddenly all I can hear is thrust, thrust, thrust.
I feel the warmth, but it still hasn’t hit me that it’s his cum. His hand releases from my face and wraps around my throat. He unloads in me and I try my best to gasp for air. I stay calm, because even though I’m an inch from death, I know he won’t let me go. He’ll never let me go.
Astor goes still inside of me, his hand tightening when my eyes start to droop. They slowly pop back open and I feel him at my ear. “It felt like my fucking heart was going to stop, and then the moment I thought I could move on…” He yanks and lets go right as the house goes up in flames behind us. “ Boom , I had to marry you.” I look up and I see Javi’s body being strung up in the tree that’s in front of what I’m sure is now ashes of a house.
I grab my throat and cough, putting myself in the tripod position to catch my breath. He stuffs himself back in his pants and slowly pulls my panties back into place, stopping right above my pussy and giving it a slow, torturous lick.
He slaps my ass and yanks me to him, looking me over.
“If you killed yourself, how could I torture you?”
“I won’t do that,” I say. And as I say the words, I realize that I truly mean it. I’m not doing that to my family, to my husband. They don’t get to go through any more pain because of me.
“Good girl. Now get in the SUV so I can take you home and fuck that tight cunt again.”
I start for the SUV, but stop and turn to him. I square my shoulders and make myself sound as strong as I can, even though what I’m saying shows how vulnerable I am right now.
“Tell me you love me first...”
He slowly walks to me; I can hear the footsteps of the others crunching on the ground. But I don’t care, and Astor shows no indication that he does, either.
“Tell me you won’t leave me,” he counters. He needs this just as much as I do.
“I won’t leave you.” He runs his finger down my cheek and sighs.
“I love you, malyshka .” A tear slides down my face, and as quickly as it’s there, it’s gone, replaced by the feeling of his lips.
“I love you, too.” He kisses the tip of my nose and nudges his head toward the SUV.
“Time to go home, lovebirds,” Justin says as all of the guys pile in. I smile to myself.
Home. Time to go home.